Scrubs (2001–2010)
Neil Flynn: Janitor, Wheelchair Guy
Photos
Quotes
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Janitor : What is it with steel wool? Is it steel? Or is it wool?
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[after allowing Dr. Kelso to slip]
Janitor : I liked the way blond-hair-doctor looked. She brightened my day. But you don't care about that, do you? No... because you're unconscious.
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J.D. : Can you get that for me? I can't reach it.
Janitor : Is this some kind of trick to get me off your back? I mean, I owe you one.
J.D. : No, I really need it.
Janitor : OK, here you go. You know, you could have just asked me to stop harassing you for about a year.
J.D. : OK, I want that.
Janitor : Too late.
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Dr. Cox : I can't believe Kelso really asked my opinion, you know?
Janitor : Look, pal, if I wanted to sit and listen to someone jam around about their lifes, I'd be at my AA meeting now.
Dr. Cox : Listen there, scrub-brush. It just so happens that this was the only empty seat in the whole joint and besides, as a fellow abusive drinker you are honor bound by barstool protocol to listen to every last word out of my mouth.
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[the Janitor is trying to solve J.D.'s riddle]
Janitor : [to himself] Okay, come on: Two coins. Thirty cents. No nickels. Come on! You can do this! You went to Harvard, for God's sake!
Troy : Relax! I figured it out.
[Troy pushes his solution over to the Janitor]
Janitor : Okay... You gave me a penny... and... what appears to be a button, on which you've written twenty-nine cents.
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[Dr. Cox, Turk and J.D. are having very different woman problems]
Dr. Cox : I don't know what the hell she wants.
Chris Turk : I don't know if I'm what Carla really wants.
J.D. : My peeps are on the frits.
Dr. Cox : What?
Chris Turk : Whoa.
J.D. : No, I mean you're me peeps, and you're on the frits...
Chris Turk : Yeah, right.
Dr. Cox : God bless you newbie. You helped me get a new perspective on everything.
Chris Turk : Dude...
[Dr. Cox and Turk leave, the janitor approaches J.D]
Janitor : Thanks for the coffee. Here's your dollar.
[empties cup full of pennies on J.D.'s table]
Janitor : Oh, and by the way, your new nickname is Pepe LeFrits.
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Janitor : [Dr. Cox took Janitor's camera and ripped out the film] Hey, all my pictures were in there. Dead patient with fancy shirt, dead patient without fancy shirt, me in fancy shirt being yelled at by angry family.
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Janitor : Ok, look. Attention, roof poopers! Setting aside for a moment the fact that I'm gonna make sure you all live to regret this day - let's keep the magic rolling. Let's not tell anyone else there is a toilet on the roof...
[Todd enters]
Janitor : ...there is NOT a toilet on the roof!
Todd : But you just said there was!
Janitor : No, yes, I did, but I was using a metaphor- that means God is watching us. You heard this... there's a toilet... on the roof. Am I right, people?
[Bystanders agree]
Todd : Cool.
[Makes cross sign and leaves]
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Dr. Kelso : Perry, what's our plan of attack?
Dr. Cox : When I crush a person's spirit, I like to use a combination of intimidation and degradation.
Dr. Kelso : I prefer to create an environment in which the subjects end up crushing themselves.
Dr. Cox : [intrigued] Uh-huh.
Janitor : [while JD is coming up behind the Janitor] I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. If I could find them, I'd show you.
[JD sneaks away while ominous music plays]
Janitor : He's near...
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J.D. : Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of Carla! How can I use this to my advantage?
[Cut to a fantasy where Carla is confronting the janitor]
Carla : Listen, I want you to lay off J.D.! Stop accusing him of things he didn't do. And bring him a fruit smoothie every day!
Janitor : [In Spanish] Would he like strawberry or banana?
Carla : [In Spanish] ... Purple tree car with cheese.
Janitor : [In Spanish] LIAR!
[He removes her mask, revealing J.D]
J.D. : Feliz Navidad...
[He retreats. Cut back to reality]
J.D. : I'd have to learn Spanish.
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Janitor : Gentlemen. Crazy-Eyes Margo. I've called the Brain Trust together for one reason. I have to find a way to make Blonde Doctor mine.
Randall : Burn down her apartment.
Troy : I have an idea. But we're going to need a tugboat.
Janitor : Tugboats and arson, that's all I ever get from you guys.