- Josh Barker: Sometimes, Brian, it's like I'm talking to myself.
- Brian Johnson: Yeah, I get that! Mostly when I'm on my own...
- Josh Barker: All this time he could have turned me in, but he hasn't.
- Brian Johnson: Yeah, what an idiot!
- Sophie-morphed-as-Mel: Sometimes people call me Sophie. Not often.
- Psychiatrist: I see. And who is it who calls you by this other name?
- Sophie-morphed-as-Mel: No one.
- Psychiatrist: Where were you originally from?
- Sophie-morphed-as-Mel: Nowhere. I-I mean, Earth.
- Sophie Johnson: [reading about Valentine's Day on the Galactic Guidebook] ... celebrating something called... romance.
- Brian Johnson: So it's a day of gladiatorial combat?
- Lucy Barker: Romance, not Romans!
- Sophie Johnson: [her desired wedding ring] Something with gold and diamonds.
- Brian Johnson: [off-handedly] Yeah, something like that.
- Sophie Johnson: No, something *with* gold and diamonds.
- Trent Clements: I wouldn't say I made any of this. I'd say I merely invited a range of fabulous ingredients to have a party in your taste buds at gas mark delicious.
- Brian Johnson: [Brian has decided to become a knight and has telephoned a zoo in his search for a dragon to slay] Hello there, do you have any dragons? Well, do you have anything that looks like a dragon? A lizard, you say? Does it breathe fire? ...No. Well, okay, can I chop off its head?
- [short pause as person on phone talks]
- Brian Johnson: Actually, I'm not sure it's possible to do *that* to yourself.
- Pete Walker: So tomorrow's the big date.
- [leaves]
- Mel Barker: Date?
- Josh Barker: Fight.
- Mel Barker: Pete wants to fight?
- Josh Barker: With me. Pete wants to fight with me. He said it to me.
- Mel Barker: But he was looking at me.
- Josh Barker: He's got a squint.
- Brian Johnson: Everyone should have something people can remember them by, a neon sign is one of them.
- Pete Walker: [to Josh about Tania] You need an entire asteroid to hit earth and wipe out the entire human race. And after that, maybe... just maybe she'd like you.
- Wendy Richardson: [about Justin Timberlake] Entertaining - if you have the intellect of a cauliflower.
- Mr. Whiteside: I imagine you know why you're here.
- Pete Walker: [sadly] Yes, sir.
- Josh Barker: [stamps on Pete's foot] No, sir. He meant no, sir.