Fatty Drives the Bus (1999)
Beth Cahill: Lana
Quotes
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Molly : [outside Wrigley Field] Do they play baseball here?
Satan : Yes.
Sam : Can I go on the field today?
Satan : I'm sorry, no.
Lana : What year was it built?
Satan : Uh, 19
[mumble mumble]
Satan : .
Bud : Is there a bathroom here?
Satan : Around the corner to the left - watch your butt.
Martin : Is there a game today?
Satan : There are 14 games today, all 28 major league teams will be in action, none of it will be taking place in this building.
Mamie : Do you have an emery board?
Satan : Yes.
[he pulls an emery board out of his shirt pocket]
Chuck : Do you prefer couches to armchairs?
Satan : Depends on what I'm doing. If I'm lounging with a book, I might.
Mr. Zodsworth : [while still aboard the bus] Didn't you once have a lizard?
Satan : Yes, and his name was 'Bubbles.'
Bridget : Yeah, do the Cubs need a new ballgirl?
Satan : I don't care.
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Mamie : Oh God. Sometimes I wish I would just wake up dead.
Lana : Don't say that. We're going to have fun. Aren't we, Bridget?
Mamie : I don't remember the last time I had fun. Probably 18 years ago, before you were born.
Bridget : [who is a man in drag] Yeah we're gonna have fun, of course we're gonna have fun, it's gonna be a great time, and then after we're done seeing the sights, then we'll go out, we'll have a little dinner or something, and afterwards we'll go to a nice club, have a couple of drinks, do some dancing, maybe we'll meet some young guys, you know? That'd be nice, wouldn't it, huh? Some young hunks, some young beefcake, huh? Maybe we'll go home with one of 'em for the night, you know, maybe? Why not, I feel lucky tonight. It's been a long time since I been with a man, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, this could be my night. Yeah, after all, look at me, I'm a fabulous looking broad, huh? Yeah, with my beautiful hair and my pearls and my fantastic figure, huh? Yeah, it'll be nice.
Lana : You're so beautiful and glamorous, Bridget. You're so glamorous. You never have any trouble meeting men.
Mamie : I had a man once - Frank Gherkin. Oh god, he did me wrong. He took my love.
[walks out of the room]
Bridget : Don't pay any attention to your old lady. She's just bitter, all right? You and I, we're gonna pick up a couple of guys on this trip if it kills us, huh?
Lana : I wouldn't mind meeting a nice boy.
Mamie : [walks back into the room] Lana, are you bothering Bridget again?
Bridget : She's bugging the shit out of me!
Lana : No I'm not, I was just...
Mamie : How many times have I told you not to bother my friends? How many times must I tell you to stop bothering Bridget? How many mornings must I awaken to the searing pain of the reality of your existence?
Lana : I'm your daughter. That was rather mean.
Mamie : You suffocate any breeze of joy that could possibly waft through the shuttered windows of my soul.
Lana : Hey, that remark was pretty harsh.
Mamie : Your birth is the life sentence I receive for the crime of loving the wrong man. You are my warden, my jailor, my executioner.
Lana : Oh, now that one hurts me a great deal.
Bridget : What are we arguing about, girls? Let's go to the big city and have some fun, all right, eh?
-
Lana : Mom, wouldn't it be great if I met someone and fell in love on this trip?
Mamie : I think it would be wonderful if on this trip you fell into a hole... a very deep hole.
Lana : That was the kind of remark that I'm gonna have to work to get over.
Bridget : Hey, girls, we're in Chicago, I'm beautiful, fuggadaboutit.
