Bibleman (1995– )

Willie Aames: Bibleman, Miles Peterson

Quotes 

• Bibleman : ...You've just been voted "Villain Least Likely To Succeed!"

• Prince of Pride : [during a Spirit-Sword battle]  ... You've got to be kidding!

  Bibleman : I'm a man in spandex. Do I *look* like I'm kidding?

• Bibleman : Pride and destruction go together like liver and onions, or toenails and cheese... like Sonny and Cher or Donny and Marie... like finding a band-aid in your salad, or drinking goat's milk with a head-cold.

• Bibleman : You can't defeat God. You'll only defeat yourself in the process.

• [repeated line] 

  Bibleman : ...Ready the chamber; it's time for Bibleman!

• Bibleman : [voice-over narration]  I've been fighting my most difficult spiritual battle... I'm speaking softly, because it's much more dramatic... I'm supposed to be a leader, and yet I continue to... Wow, I guess I really *do* need prayer.

• Bibleman : ...I think that you're being attacked by fear, and I'm not surprised - because you're a leader, and the enemy wants to stop you. But you don't have to listen to them.

• U.N.I.C.E. : [With UNICE's help, Bibleman has just disintegrated two laser-wielding villains]  ... That was exciting. We should do things like this more often. It was fun!

  Bibleman : No, UNICE. Our only concern should be doing God's will. Violence is never fun. Although I must admit it *would* make a perfect example for our comic book.

• Cypher : [on Bibleman's new comic book]  Man, you look larger than life!

  Bibleman : Yeah, I know. But that's the problem. These sketches draw attention to me instead of focusing on God. They should draw attention to Him. If I look too good, then that's bad, because people might get the wrong idea and think that I think I'm more important or something. I want to stay humble through this whole thing.

• Cypher : ...The Prince of Pride hit you with an ego-stimulating, heat-radonic seismo-ray...!

  Bibleman : ...Creating an egoplasmic distortionary electro-field, which caused me to focus on myself instead of God! *Insidious!*

  Cypher : INSIDIOUS...? That's a big word.

• Cypher : ...So, got any faults you wanna showcase in next week's issue of our comic book? Wrath? Envy? Lust? Gluttony? Avarice? Sloth?

  Bibleman : Oh, I wouldn't want to draw all the attention to myself. I think we should probably focus on *your* faults.

  Cypher : No. We gotta give UNICE her due. UNICE... you wanna check your database for any spiritual deficiencies?

  U.N.I.C.E. : That will not compute. I'm too tired. Think I'll go crash.

• Coats (Marc Wayne) : [at the Schatzville High "Clean Is Cool" Swing Dance]  ... Too bad Miles has to miss all the fun.

  [winks at Bibleman] 

  Coats (Marc Wayne) : Sure you guys couldn't pull off a quick switch in the phone booth?

  Bibleman : Get thee behind me, Coats. I'm not Superman, you know. But at least kryptonite won't faze me.

• Doctor Fear : ...Presenting the Battle of the Ages! Brought to you by the Undisputed King of Evil! In this corner, wearing those tacky purple tights, our lightweight: Bibleman! *Let's get ready to RUMBLE!*

  Bibleman : ...Hey, you used to be another villain - didn't you?

  Doctor Fear : Yes, but I'm trying something new.

  Bibleman : ...For a guy who just reinvented himself, you sure don't fight any better.

  Doctor Fear : Hey, *you* used to be on other shows; nobody's making fun of YOU!

  Bibleman : That's because those shows were *network;* this is HOMEVIDEO.

  [winks at the camera] 

• Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons) : Surprise, Bible-broom!

  Bibleman : I never was one for surprises, especially ones with rotten teeth. You really should floss, you know...? Fallen angels are hardly entertaining. And now a word from my sponsor.

  Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons) : [He disarms B-man]  Goodbye. Farewell. Parting is such a pain in the neck.

• Miles Peterson : What's the one common factor between that little girl and me?

  Coats : You're both short?

  Miles Peterson : Besides that... If we trust our feelings at the moment, then we can be tricked. That's what happened to Kyla and me... Well, we've got work to do.

  Coats : *We?*

  Miles Peterson : Well, if you want me to have all the fun...

  Coats : No, I'm there.

• Coats : [to the villains]  ... Don't you guys ever get tired of losing?

  Shadow of Doubt (Brian Lemmons) : ...It's just a game, Bibleman!

  Bibleman : Oh, I'm so sure! It's always just fun and games until someone loses an eternity. And you're about to. Then we'll REALLY be "Without a Doubt!"

• Bibleman : Biblegirl, I've made modifications to your weapon.

  Biblegirl : What are they?

  Bibleman : It's a molecular-ion/fusion-blaster.

  Biblegirl : Okay... What's it do?

  Bibleman : It blasts fused molecules. And remember, it's all fun and games until someone loses an ion.

  Biblegirl : In other words, it blows things up. Cool.