Lucky Numbers (2000)

Lisa Kudrow: Crystal

Photos 

Quotes 

• Russ : You know, you better start taking notes, because when me and Gig start hashing it out there's going to be a lot of gold flying around and I don't want to miss any of it.

  Crystal : [after Russ's lame bomb scare idea]  Right, then the firemen will come and the policemen will come, so kind of a lame idea, you know.

  Russ : Alright, jeez, it's just an idea, it's a work in progress for God's sake. Even a painter's got to take the brushes and clean them.

  Crystal : Whatever that means.

  Russ : Okay! Do you have any better ideas, Ms. Smarty-Pants?

  Crystal : Why can't I just distract Bobby somehow, the security guy? And you switch the balls.

  Russ : No, no, lame. That's lame.

  Gig : No, that's brilliant. No really, it's so simple, it's brilliant. In its simplicity Russ.

  Russ : [after discussing finding a beard]  Oh, og God, okay, I got it. I buy the ticket in disguise! Okay? And this eliminates all the outsiders. That's it, okay. Yeah, yeah, now we're cooking with gas!

  Crystal : I mean, how would you disguise yourself?

  Gig : What, as Charlie Chaplin? As The Tramp or something?

  Crystal : Yeah, or no, like, from the Wizard of Oz. That guy. The Straw Guy.

  Gig : The Straw Man.

  Crystal : Yeah, the Straw Man, he could put some hay in his clothes and wear a hat.

  [Sarcastically] 

  Crystal : No one would know it's him! Ooh, it's clever.

  Gig : Nobody would ever know! No! Russ.

  Russ : It's the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. If you're going to make fun of me, get your facts straight.

  Crystal : Well, my apologies sir. I am not the cartoon aficionada _sic_ that you are.

  Russ : It's not a cartoon Crystal, it's a movie.

  Crystal : Who gives a shit!

• Crystal : There is a limit to my classiness!

  Gig : Tch. Quite Obviously.

• Russ : What about the puffer?

  Crystal : Yeah, well at first I couldn't find it, and when we found it... it was all out of you know... shit... the... um

  Russ : Mist?

  Crystal : Yeah that's it. Do you know what his last words were?

  Russ : Come on, don't do this.

  Crystal : Krystal, my sweet angel. Go into my wallet and get the ticket because you and Russ deserve to have that money.

  Russ : Oh, come on... don't do this to me...

  Crystal : Fuck me, no fried clams?

  Crystal : All right... key lime pie!

• Crystal : [after having sex with Russ]  Boy, that is always such a treat. Oh, with Dick it's like having sex with a sloth.

  Russ : Ugh, don't put that image in my head!

• Crystal : Do not fuck with me you sick, masturbating retard!

  Walter : Go ahead and rape me, that's what you want!

• Russ : Well, now that Walter's dead we need to find ourself a new beard.

  Crystal : Oh... I know one! We could have Scatter... he's this really sweet guy from high school that installed my carpet.

  [after going through several choices] 

  Russ : Want to have sex?

  Crystal : Oh, yeah sure!

• Russ : Oh Crystal, we are under surveillance. Last night I stopped by a convenience store. A cop pulled in behind me, he got out, he followed me in... and then he pretended to get a cup of coffee!

  Crystal : Did he pretend to get a doughnut?

• Crystal : What is this? Schnapps? What am I, in third grade? Can I have a drink please?