In the Woods (1999) Poster

(1999)

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1/10
Vengeance May Be Timeless, But This Film Is Not!
Jay-9019 February 2002
"In the Woods," directed by Lynn Drzick, is a film that may have had potential, but fails miserably to recognize the kind of film that it could have been. Aside from the amateurish monster make-up and contrived storyline, this film adheres to, in principle, a sub genre of psychological film criticism: fairy tale theory. Fairy Tale theory takes, as its premise, the idea that an innocent journeys into the forest, only to discover the physical dangers and emotional perils which reside in that environment. (The forest is, of course, a metaphor for life in the real world.) Faced with challenges and temptations, the innocent comes face-to-face with his collective self (a concept based on Jung's "Collective Unconscious"). Ultimately, this character leaves the forest a changed individual, and that change can manifest itself in both positive and negative respects. "Little Red Riding Hood" is just one basis for this theoretical school; Edmund Spenser's _The Faerie Queene_, and particularly Book I on the Redcrosse Knight, is another.

Although D.J. Perry's character is no innocent, when he first journeys into the forest (he is an alcoholic and an emotionally abusive husband), the viewer gets the sense that he is unaware of the world in which he lives. He is, like many individuals, contented with the life in which he lives: working, drinking, and going home; this routine is his world. When he is forced to face the inconsistencies and unexpected circumstances which life throws his way, manifested rather dully by a three-horned dog and a reptilian-looking homo sapien, he demonstrates an incapacity to tackle turmoil and confusion. Most everyone in his life, but particularly his wife, pays a price for his lack of insight. Yet, in the end, miraculously he overcomes his naiveté, but realizes that "the beast continues to exist in the forest," and that is the nature of "the forest" (of life). Now, while that may sound fairly intriguing, Drzick fails to motivate the viewer to invest any empathy or emotion into the film. D.J. Perry's and Jim Gruelick's turn as a quixotic duo fails for, among other reasons, lack of chemistry and unengaging dialogue. Perry's relationship to his wife, although more involved than his connection with Gruelick, is too cursory and terse to be effective. The dynamics of this dysfunctional household are presented in a rather shallow, inept manner.

The creatures, as hinted at previously, lack even the sophistication of, in reference to the B-movie classics of the 1950s, lizards with prosthetic armaments attached to their bodies. The three-horned dog reminds one of a stuffed animal, with three tusks attached to its face.

Of even more disappointment is the film's screen writing. Apparently, this film is set in the United States; it would seem near the forests of the Carolinas. In flashback sequences (which are not readily connected to the film's plot nor to D.J. Perry's character development), two knights (one of which may be a sorcerer who conjured up these monsters to wage a battle between two kingdoms) appear fighting in the forest. I mean, "hello!," knights and sorcerers were indigenous to medieval Europe, not 12th or 13th century North America. Also, the tag line for this film is "Vengeance is Timeless." OK, what was this "vengeance" (as supposedly set forth in these flashbacks) based upon, and how does it relate to the D.J. Perry character's conflict. No direct ties to this "medieval" vengeance, and the film's focus on this man and his wife is ever made.

I give this film 1 out of 10 points. My criticisms go to the heart of the screenplay, the acting, and the special effects. However, one suggestion for the director, Lynn Drzick, is to consider the original material, and reshape it to create tension, significance, and believability. "In the Woods" may have the chance for merit, but unfortunately, this merit is utterly unrealized and shockingly disregarded in the final cut.
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1/10
STUPID WASTE OF TIME
aweebitcountry21 February 2003
Warning: Spoilers
This movie claims to be like "Blair Witch Project" (which is not that good of a movie itself) so when I saw it on the shelf I just laughed.

But something told me to rent it (must be the devil himself).

Now, some classic "b" movies are so bad that they are actually kinda good, but this movie is just so bad it makes you want to poke your eyes out just to keep you from having to see anymore of it!

There was nothing in this movie even remotely close to the Blair Witch movie, so obviously that was just an advertising stunt to try to get attention to a movie that deserves absolutely none.

*(Spoilers)*

They only spend about 5 minutes of the whole movie "in the woods" so where they came up with that title I have no idea.

The "scary monster" thing they came up with is so ridiculous looking, it was actually kinda funny. The fake blood and body parts were so stupid and fake looking, it was almost as if they were trying to make a comedy, but failed miserably.

The writing is so horrible, a 5-year old child could come up with a better screenplay and dialogue than the writer of this movie.

The acting is also very horrible, very amateur-ish and fake.

Do not waste any time or money on this movie, you will live to regret it forever and ever!!!
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2/10
Who let the monster dog out?
jbarker716 December 2004
This movie's plotting, pacing, dialog, action, and acting were so bizarrely strange, i don't know what to think. Any dialog snippet from any 5 minute segment has its own howlers. To with: "I'm gonna take leave of the fire station. And I can come help you at the pet store. and you can show me the difference between the gerbils and hamsters". Woah!

The cop had the best line "I'll tell ya what we got- s**t is what we got". This could be a cult film. You just cannot watch this sober. You need as many friends along to cheer the action along. I thought the cinematography was decent, with the traveling shots. Production design was less than inspired. The dialog was so inept it hurt. The sound mixing was okay, though it felt like everything was ADR'd and foleyed. This film CANNOT be compared to Blair Witch. BWP was much better done, and was a completely different kind of movie. Very little of this film took place in the woods. Maybe 'In the Woods' was a reference to the style of acting (wooden). Something i noticed with the short running time is that certain shots and scenes held out a little longer than needed. I'm wondering if that was to pad out the run time. If so, it hurt the pacing of the film. See at your peril. You have been warned.
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1/10
Worst movie ever made, without a doubt.
eatingman773 May 2002
Let me start by saying I love horror movies and independent films. I enjoy bad horror movies, because they are often funny. But this movie has no redeeming qualities, other than the fact that any other movie I ever see will be better than "In the Woods." This movie is more like a soap opera than a horror film, with characters that are even more one-dimensional than in day-time soaps. The whole idea of how the monster (which looks like someone spent about 5 minutes making) came to be is totally ridiculous. The acting is terrible (and I'm not talking B-movie bad, but more like cue-card reading bad). No one in the movie ever even seems scared. This movie is so boring, pooly made, and most of all, POORLY WRITTEN, that I wish I could get my rental fee and 90 minutes of my life back. This script should never have been written, no less developed into a feature-length movie. I can't believe that anyone could have accidentally made such a bad movie. More unbelievable is that someone actually released this on video and DVD. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WATCHING THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE. This is not the good type of bad horror movie. This is just a very, very, very bad movie.
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1/10
WORST MOVIE EVER MADE
movielover123200322 January 2003
I still can't figure out why any self-respecting person would ever attempt to make a film that is as stupid as In The Woods. Or better yet, why any decent person would ever rent, let alone buy, this piece of utter garbage.

I think the writer should win the award for the dumbest storyline ever made into an actual movie.

Everything about this movie just screams of stupidity. The acting is very mechanical and fake, the special effects (if you can call them that) and the "scary monster" seem like they're from an old 80's PBS tv show.

Well, the list goes on and on. I won't bore you with all the details, if you want to be super bored you can go out and rent this movie!
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1/10
It was like torture, the bad kind.
Niki333319 June 2003
I'm all for a good B horror film, but this was the most horribly done, worst acted, most retardedly written thing I have ever seen. The sets were laughable. The gore was stupid. I kept wondering when it would be over. I have an unfortunate need to always watch the whole movie, no matter how bad, just to give it a chance to get better. This one never did.

June 2008 ~ After reading some of the positive reviews, I reevaluated my opinion. With every film I watch, I try to find something positive. I am an artist myself and I know that a lot of effort and love goes into any production of art. I try to see it from the writer's, director's, even the editor's point of view. I try. Really, I do.

But, unfortunately, I have to stand by my original review. Sorry guys.
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1/10
Who would buy this??!!
callmeneva4 April 2003
I just rented this movie and watched it with some friends. What it says on the cover and the general idea make it sound like it just might be worth watching once. We laughed through this whole movie, which was supposed to be scary.

Everything in it is just begging to be cracked on. From the VERY bad acting to the inappropriate scenes, to the really stupid looking monsters.

The story has huge holes. Scenes that just don't fit in with the storyline at all. The only way I can recommend this is if you want to sit around with some friends and laugh at a REALLY BAD movie. It is entertaining in that respect but only that. Cannibal gerbils and devil dogs? LOL!!

I think the funniest thing about this movie is the price it goes for? Who would actually buy this?
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1/10
Do bears...?
Vafthrudnir27 February 2004
Warning: Spoilers
In order for a movie to be any worse, it would actually have to shoot out of the DVD player and decapitate you as you watched it. Here's what you do, if you're one of those gluttons for punishment who just have to see for yourself: Get your two or three wittiest friends together, with a safe supply of your liquor of choice, and have a ball playing "Mystery Science Theater 3000" with it. And prepare for dialogue spewed out by an Automatic Cliche Machine, delivered by actors on par with the cast of your average third-grade play, embarrassing themselves through a "plot" that only makes sense when it's silly. AND A POSSIBLE SPOILER, AS IF ANYTHING COULD "SPOIL" THIS MOVIE: The monster (one of them, anyway, the main one, I think, except the other was bigger and badder, except that *that* one was kind of good, *except* it killed random people...follow?)is a critter called the Devil-Dog (kudos to originality!). It's really quite charming. Mind you, it's a result of abysmal special effects, but the result is something that looks like a cute and cuddly cross between a badger and a land-sloth. Only those big horns prevent you from wanting to scratch its belly and feed it biscuits. One may think they should sell it in pet-stores -- maybe next to the DREADED CANNIBAL GERBIL-HAMSTER WHATEVERS! (And if you haven't seen the movie, don't even *ask* about those.)
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It is true - there are bad things in this movie - and yet...
hung_fao_tweeze15 February 2004
There was only one line in this film that was conveyed convincingly. See if YOU can find it. (Hint: it has 'bulls***' in it.)

It was a bad sign that I put this movie in my VCR and discovered that the previous renter did not bother to 'be kind and rewind'. In fact, it appears that they may have gotten about 20 minutes into the film and hit EJECT.

Yes, the acting reeks. I ended up not liking any of the characters and even hoped that the creature would 'get' the wife....or anyone, for that matter. Horrible acting a la Mark Spitz. To go along with that acting is dialog that will have your eyebrows raising. Some very insipid lines delivered by some really bad actors. Yes, but I knew this before I put it in. I WANTED to watch a bad movie.

For the most part the plot and action are straight out of the 1950's monster movie period. However, much of what goes on frequently makes less sense than many films from that period. Unbelievable logical lapses. There are holes in the script you could drive a >put your word here< through.

Unexplainable gore and body parts....at first. But stay with it til the end.

The best technical part of the film was the camera work and direction. Very professional tracking and blocking. It seemed completely out of place it was so good.

You may think by the sound of this that I hated the film. I really didn't. I knew it was going to be bad before I started it. I can handle it. I sat through 'Eegah' twice, after all.

When you finally get to the end and find out what is really going on then the film becomes interesting. Too bad though. End of film. I was hoping that it would play it out a bit more. A neat little idea that would have actually made a decent sequel. Sequel? Unlikely.

This was not a good movie. But it wasn't the worst. I wouldn't recommend it and I won't see it again. But the neat little twist at the end had me thinking about it for awhile. Not an entire loss.
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1/10
The Stupidest Movie You've Ever Seen
Tldrake27 June 2000
This was an absolutely horrible movie. It made no sense, and I'm sure none of the people involved in making this film cared if it did. The acting was laughably bad, and so was the story. The monster did not look scary, and the "twist" near the end made NO sense. It's almost as if someone put a bunch of ideas in the hat for what the twist should be, and it was drawn randomly. Avoid this movie at all costs.
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1/10
So bad it hurts!!
breakinheartsallova4 April 2003
From the bad community theater acting, to the bad script, to the bad direction, to the bad not-so special effects...I found this movie to be the funniest movie I've seen in a really long time.

Is it scary? Only if you think that someone out there thought it was a horror movie and marketed it as such.

It it even good? Not even decent.

I recommend a Friday night viewing over pizza and a six pack. That's the only way to get any enjoyment out of this laughable piece of dung, especially if you spent more than a penny to view it.
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10/10
A great flick!
Shellymarie197321 July 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I just recently rented this title and it was great.

The story line contained issues from alcoholism, marriage issues to the normal every day issues in the life of our great firefighters and the crazy things we do with our friends.

I know we've all done a few of those here and there.

DJ Perry was awesome even considering this was his 1st starring role. A few times he was running in this movie I was waiting for him to fall flat on his face. He definitely kept it real. I would of been running my butt off if I was being chased by that hideous creature.

All I can say is great writing, directing and acting.

Go out and watch it!
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1/10
Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen!
WizardOfGore27 November 2001
I am a huge movie fan, and it is very hard for me to hate a movie. I even like movies that are so bad that they are actually good, such as Plan 9 From Outer Space.

This movie doesn't even fit into that category. The director of this movie was obviously trying to be serious, and ends up making a complete joke of a film.

The acting is the worst I have ever seen and there are so many plot holes I cannot even begin to describe them all.

The effects are some of the most ridiculous I have ever seen. There is no shame in having a small budget. George Romero made Night of the Living Dead with only $60,000. But you should at least try!

Do NOT waste your money buying or even renting this film!
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I'll Never Have Those 2 Hours Back
blazerr34_20031 September 2004
Basically, by renting and watching this movie I wasted two hours of my life that I can never get back. This movie was by far one of the worst movies I have ever seen. First off, the storyline has so many angles it makes you want to pull your hair out. I had no idea what the hell was happening at the end. Not to mention the terrible, terrible acting. Iv'e seen better on public access commercials. Cheesy special effects and corny music did't help the scary effect either. Sometimes I wish the people who make movies like this actually cared whether people would like it. I mean, Plan 9 From Outer Space is awesome next to this. When it was all done and over, I wished that the makers of this movie would have buried deep in .......well you know.
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1/10
Just plain bad
bmonkey10 June 2002
This horrific attempted at film making makes Ed Wood look like an Oscar worthy director. I enjoy watching B movies for a good laugh, but this was so horrifically bad that it wasn't even funny. I would rather of had three root canals than be forced to watch this pathetic excuse for a film again. The acting seemed like it was from an old 80's soap. The script was unintelligent and boring. If the Director wanted to be original he did it. It was the most original boring monster movie ever. Sadly originality doesn't make up for the actors, the script, the bad effects, and the stupid plot line. If you have to chose between watching this movie and getting shot remember wounds heal.
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1/10
JUST PLAIN STUPID
imgonnabeastaryournot24 March 2003
If you have the terrible misfortune of actually renting this STUPID movie, I feel very sorry for you.

If you are thinking of renting it---DON'T! I am here to warn you that this movie is the dumbest piece of garbage anyone has ever made--EVER. From the paper thin acting and storyline to the fake looking "monster", everything about this movie completely SUCKS!

The "actors" are just some local people who just woke up one day and said, hey--let's get out the video cam and film an entire movie in one day, sure--it'll sell like hotcakes!!

This stupid attempt at a movie makes "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" look like a cinematic masterpiece!

PLEASE AVOID THIS MOVIE AND KEEP THESE "MOVIE MAKERS" OUT OF BUSINESS-THEY OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO TALENT!
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1/10
I hate this movie
Mark-61726 August 2000
This is without a doubt the worst film i have ever seen. It is so pants. The story makes no sense. The characters have no emotion. The acting is the worst i have ever ever seen. The main character is a muppet. Why does he constantly have to have a bloody shirt on? What the dickens is that muskeeter lizard thing. I hate this film i hate it HATE HATE HATE.

give this film a well desrved 1/10
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1/10
In the Toilet
huggy_bear14 September 2003
Bad acting, stupid scenes and rediculous monsters. That sums up this nightmare. The whole concept of the woods is a joke. There are only about 10 minutes that you see these idiots actually in the woods. And when they did go to the woods, these firemen actually want to dig up a grave so that they maybe help the police locate a body? Can anyone say STUPID!!!! And in the first scene, there is a house on fire and these firemen are fighting the fire and trying to rescue people in the house. Come to find out, the lady and the baby both die in the fire, which really bothers Alex. The dialogue on the back of the firetruck when Alex is upset to learn the baby died. "Gee Alex, those things happen". Gee Alex? Haven't heard Gee anything since the Bradybunch. The acting only gets worse. Another example. Fat ass man sees the devil-dog coming. Instead of running out of the building, he unlocks some type of closet and jumps behind some good old cardboard boxes. Yeah, them boxes always protect you from monsters. This movie sucks ass big time. Please don't waste your money and your time with this crap.
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1/10
Yegods, learn to act
horror_slasher11 September 2003
As a big fan of indie and low budget horror, I've seen some poor acting in my day, but this one may take the cake. I think the cast knew what they had gotten themselves into and stopped trying after the read through.

Basically, this film commits the cardinal triple sin of the indie horror world: The script is stupid, its boring, and its not at all scary.

I'm one of those people who feels he is required to sit all the way through any movie, but this one tempted me to bail out like no other movie I've seen recently. I did make it though, barely.

As for the people who are comparing this to Blair Witch, why? The two films have nothing in common at all, other than having a scene or two take place in the woods.

Save your rental money....or go rent Session 9, May, or Ginger Snaps instead.

Rating 1 of 10.
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1/10
Horrorble
turtle-0729 October 2002
Usually, a good horror movie is scary, creepy or unnerving. "In the Woods" is none of those. So I place this movie in a new genre: Horrorble. Horrible basically describes this movie, it doesn't deserve any more words. I laughed through the entire 90 minutes. I laughed at the not so special effects and the bad acting. Horrible acting. What was the purpose of the "cannibal hamsters"? The ending was really dumb, and it seemed the movie was partially written, shot, then written more, shot etc.

It claims to be "creepier than the blair witch project". This line is what encouraged me to rent the movie. Don't waste your time.
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1/10
This Movie Reeks
lilredridinhood16 February 2005
My God, where did they find these actors? Not one person in this flop could act. The two main characters (who happened to be firemen) were just plain silly. The dialog sounded as if it came direct from Sesame Street or something like that. The DVD box cover is really misleading, comparing this to The Blair Witch Project. Now that's a joke. Scenes here that were just thrown in, conversations about hamsters, just stupid. I sure do pity the Portage Fire Dept. for allowing their good name and equipment to be shown in this stinker. I hope these "actors" didn't give up their day job and they really should go back to whatever they were doing before they thought they could act.
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10/10
"Creepier than the Blair Witch Project"
jw5867 May 2009
I find that the previous comment misses not only the subtle nuances of the film's plot, but also completely underestimates the quality of the actors and, especially, actresses (such as the stunning pathologist) that star in this cult classic. Furthermore, the film tackles some difficult, contemporary issues, through an exciting and thrilling storyline, such as men struggling to come to terms with their sexuality, alcoholism, bestiality, amputation and most importantly medieval sorcery. These topics are subtly woven into the rich tapestry of the plot and I was left not only captivated and deeply moved, but it has also led me to reassess my outlook and attitude to life. I am disappointed with the poor reception that this stunning film has received on this website, and I urge all to view this cinematic triumph.
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4/10
Good-bad but not that good
alicespiral13 June 2007
I picked this up as a twofer but the comparison the Blair Witch was thankfully nowhere near as bad as that one-the Blair Witch is ins a category of its own as sheer unadulterated BADNESS.Nothing is or ever will be as bad as that film. This movie isn't bad but so much of it was unnecessary. For a start the scenes of a blazing house and the firemen had little to do with anything which followed. Also the reason the 2 firemen are supposed to dig up what they thought was a body-as there were a number of unaccounted for disappearances-again not needed as part of the plot-was really where it began after all the faffing about with another sub plot connected with the fireman's wife who objects to his drinking-yet it never showed him sloppy drunk he'd just had a few drinks.So what everybody drinks. We then get a story moving into total fantasy as the bones and skull of what looked like a rhinoceros come to life and start leaving parts of bodies all over the town.Naturally the police don't believe the theory that the remains of the bodies have been killed by a creature who chewed them to death!. And it gets sillier as it goes on-after the fireman's wife is attacked and left for dead she later makes a complete recovery in the hospital! But thats about where it ends-no doubt the budget ran out!
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hour and a half of my life that i will never get back
karen-marie15 January 2002
i don't get it.

what was the deal with the guy and the fingers in his backpack?

and that girl who talked all funny? did she have a tongue?

and how come station from bill and ted's bogus journey wasn't in the credits? he had a huge starring (although somewhat pointless) role.

no one should rent this movie. ever ever ever ever.

having this movie in a video store is a crime punishable only by death.
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1/10
Maybe the worst movie I've seen
dementia1321 September 2005
It angers me that this movie is out there in a lot of stores, where many people can make the same mistake I did and rent the damn thing. To its credit, it shows promise from the 20- to the 45-minute mark, but then just falls into an incoherent mess. I've read that this was written between takes, which would explain the ridiculous plot twists that appear out of thin air. The only thing that would explain this movie's existence at all is that some rich kid wanted to see himself in a movie, and hired all his friends to be in it. That would also explain why this utter lack of anything of quality has such good distribution. Don't even rent it to see how bad a movie can be: many of you can make better movies than this.
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