The Butter Battle Book (1989 TV Movie)

Clive Revill: Van Itch

Quotes 

• Van Itch : Hurrah for our side! Butter side down!

• Van Itch : Shoot if you must with your wee tiny shooter, but the boys in my back room have rendered it neuter with this eight-nozzled elephant-toted boom blitz. It shoots high explosive sour cherry stone pits and will put your dumb Kick-a-Poo Kid on the fritz.

  Grandfather : [narrating]  Poor Daniel and I were scared out of our wits.

• Grandfather : [narrating]  I'm unhappy to say, he came back the next day.

  Van Itch : Shoot if you must with your Triple-Sling Jigger, but I also now have my hand on a trigger. My defensive weapon, the Jigger-Rock-Snatch-em, will fling 'em right back just as fast as we catch 'em. We'll take no more nonsense, we'll take no more gupp from you Yooks who eat bread with the butter side up.

  Grandfather : Stymied... Thwarted...

  [several rocks from the Triple-Sling Jigger fall with a splat and covering him in mud] 

  Grandfather : Mission aborted.

• Grandfather : Uh-oh! Van Itch!

  [Van Itch comes up to the grandfather driving a similar vehicle] 

  Van Itch : Yahhh! Yahhh! How do you like my plane? Forget it, old fellow. You're stymied again.

• [last lines] 

  Grandson : [narrating]  That's when Grandpa found me. He grabbed me. He said...

  Grandfather : You should be down that hole and you're up here instead. But perhaps this is all for the better somehow. You'll see me make history. Right here. And right now! You'll see your old gramp put an end to 'em all! Put an end to all those Zooks who live over the wall! Put an end to the every last village and town of those fiends who eat bread with the butter side down!

  Van Itch : And I, my dear chap, have a message for you. Mainly, I also have a Big Boy Boomeroo. And it's my firm intentions, since I have the means, to blast every Yook into small smithereens.

  Grandson : Grandpa, be careful! Hey, easy! Oh, gee! Who's going to drop it? Will you or will he?

  Grandfather : [stammers]  Be patient. We'll see. We... will see.

  [the special ends on a shot of both of them carrying the bomb and cuts to a screen with "The End... Maybe"]