Duck and Cover

I've got a friend who once, during a temporary moment of stupidity, remarked that "when a bomb goes off, the best place to be is next to it." Yes, an atomic bomb. His comment remains the worst piece of survival advice I have ever received. Now meet the runner-up! 'Duck and Cover (1952)' is a fascinating window into American society in the midst of the Cold War: when nuclear holocaust seemed, not just a possibility, but an inevitability. The narrator (Robert Middleton), in his no- nonsense fatherly way, introduces a rosy-cheeked cub scout with the words "Tony knows the bomb can explode any time of the year, day or night." I can't imagine living under such a monumental national threat. Air-raid drills draw an immediate response, the camera lingering dramatically on the discarded baseballs and skipping ropes.

'Duck and Cover' explains, in childish terms, the actions one should perform in the instance of a nuclear attack. Number one on the agenda is the titular "duck and cover"; that is, throwing yourself to the ground - preferably against a wall, beneath a desk, or under the wheel of a moving tractor - and covering your head and neck. The inanity of this premise was memorably lampooned in the early 'South Park' episode "Volcano," in which citizens duck and cover in the path of an approaching lava flow, to little avail. All things considered, it's not terrible advice. In such a position, you're certainly less likely to catch flying shards of glass or other debris. It all depends on your proximity to ground zero: if the atomic bomb lands on your school, for example, ducking and covering is not likely to improve your survival chances. In 2004, 'Duck and Cover' was added to the National Film Registry, and for good reason. It captures the insanity of an earlier era, when civilisation nearly destroyed itself.