Stark Raving Mad (1999–2000)

Neil Patrick Harris: Henry McNeeley

Photos 

Quotes 

• Henry : I'm trying to be less phobic and I'm afraid it's not going well.

• Henry : Yeah, there is no

  [such word as] 

  Henry : "dribbed." There's the noun "drib," which means a negligible amount.

  Ian Stark : Oh, I see. So I'm getting a drib of help from you right now.

• Margaret 'Maddie' Keller : Didn't your mother ever comfort you when you were sick?

  Henry : Yeah, of course. She was very loving. She used to sing to me over the intercom.

• Henry : Hey, I've been tryin' to call you all afternoon. What's wrong with your phone?

  Ian Stark : It keeps ringing.

  Henry : It stops ringing when you answer it.

  Ian Stark : Also when you smash it with a hammer.

• Cesar : I hope everybody likes hot cheese!

  Henry : Wow, it's flaming.

  Ian Stark : Yeah, and the cheese is on fire.

• Ian Stark : Ya know, James Joyce was weird. Van Gogh was weird - Stravinsky was weird. You know, talent doesn't always come wrapped up in a nice, new, shiny, little box, Henry. Sometimes it's messy and organic and raw and you might just have to look a little deeper to find it.

  Henry : And sometimes when it's messy and organic and raw, it's garbage!

• Henry : It doesn't have to be a pick-up thing. You just go up to her and say, "Hi, my name is Ian. I'm a best-selling author..."

  Ian Stark : "I'm so lonely and desperate that I talk to strangers in restaurants. Hopefully your life is bad enough to welcome this kind of weirdness, so how 'bout we get together and disappoint each other?"

• Henry : Tess has felt threatened ever since she found an old photo of Susan sunbathing in Greece, all topless and tan and glistening and... topless.

  Ian Stark : Tess was snooping through your stuff, huh?

  Henry : No, actually it was my screensaver.

• Tess Farraday : Carol says that every guy has a girl that he calls when he gets drunk. She's yours, isn't she?

  Henry : No! You're my drunken call girl!

• Henry : I'm going to go and read these pages in a more hygienic setting... like the bathroom of a Greyhound Bus.

• Henry : Audrey, could I come along to lunch? I would love to meet the man who wrote "Ants in France Wear Pants When They Dance."

  Audrey : Good, because I'd love to drink and drink 'til I can't think.

• Henry : Why would he go all the way back to the warehouse?

  Ian Stark : Because he wants to get caught. That's what killers do. You know that - you're a killer.

• Audrey : I'm never gonna get that advance check back!

  Henry : Audrey, this really isn't the day to be thinking about money.

  Audrey : Tell that to the widow Huggles - she cashed the damn thing this morning.

  Henry : The day of her husband's funeral?

  Audrey : You should have seen that line of cars with their lights on outside the bank!

• Henry : I am going to be blacklisted thanks to you and your fish shenanigans.

  Ian Stark : Shenanigans? Well, just come out and say it, Henry. You think I'm a hooligan, don't ya? Up to some tomfoolery.

• Ian Stark : I'm sorry, Rod, but the position's filled as long as Henry's around.

  Henry : Oh, great! Why don't you just tell him I bleed liquid gold?