Beethoven's 3rd (2000 Video)

Mike Ciccolini: Tommy

Quotes 

• [Beethoven has outrun both Tommy and Bill; resulting in crashing their car and drenching it in cement] 

  Bill : That dog trashed the car!

  Tommy : [stuttering]  J-just don't tell my mom!

  Bill : [sarcastically]  It's covered in cement.

  Tommy : Don't tell her.

  Bill : [as he tries to wipe the wet cement off the windshield]  Oh, she's gonna know.

• [Richard tries to find a valve while he's driving; Bill and Tommy attempt to stop him] 

  Richard Newton : [to Beth; after he finds the maim sewage control valve]  Here it is.

  Beth Newton : Here's what, Honey?

  Richard Newton : The main sewage control valve.

  [Richard pulls the valve as they drive pass Tommy and Bill] 

  Richard Newton : [to the family]  See?

  [cut back to Tommy and Bill,who are now covered in urine and fecal matter, they both scream] 

  Tommy : It's Number two!

  [Bill sobs] 

• [Bill and Tommy, both wearing sumo outfits are chased by Beethoven back into their car] 

  Tommy : [to Bill]  I knew we should've taken your mom's minivan!

• Bill : [having discovered Sara and Beethoven in the hijacked RV]  Oh, my God! We're kidnappers. Tommy, you never said nothing about us being kidnappers!

  Tommy : [completely oblivious]  Shut up. You're babbling. Stop babbling and let me think.

  Bill : Think about what? We are going to jail!

  Tommy : [raising his voice]  Panicking is not allowed!

  Bill : [finally having a qualm]  Tommy, you said nobody was gonna get hurt!

  Tommy : [completely rude]  Well, no one has been hurt, so shut up!

  Bill : [fed up with his selfish boss's rudeness]  No, no, YOU shut up!

  Tommy : [furious that his reformed minion would dare talk back to him]  No, YOU shut up!

  Bill : [defiantly]  YOU shut up!

  Tommy : No, YOU shut up!

  Bill : YOU shut up!

  Tommy : [not wanting to argue anymore]  You first! You shut up! La-la-la, can't hear you. Can't listen to you.

• Bill : [On their hunt, in the desert, as Tommy is jacking their car]  Can I say just one thing?

  Tommy : Yes, you can. And you know what you can say? You can say, "I will not open my big fat mouth, Tommy, until we find the DVD!"

  Bill : Tommy, listen, we have been following those Newtons for a very long time now.

  Tommy : Duh, whiney pants. You think I don't know that?

  Bill : Well, I don't know what you know, 'cause you said it was gonna be easy.

  Tommy : [holding a handful of sand, threateningly]  So help me God, if you don't shut up, I will make you eat sand.

  Bill : What are we doing?

  Tommy : We are having a problem.

  Bill : Yeah, yeah, I know that! It's been like a week, and we don't have the DVD yet!

  Tommy : [holding the sand again]  I will make you eat sand! We are having tire trouble!

  Bill : We're not having tire trouble. The tires are perfectly fine. You just pulled over and jacked the car why?

  [Tommy deflates two tires with a corkscrew] 

  Bill : You popped two tires, and we only have one spare.

  Tommy : [annoyed with his minion's mouthiness]  Lord, you gave him brains, but he does not think. You gave him a mouth which he never shuts up! Listen to me, you brussels sprout. With two slashed tires, it's twice as likely that the Newtons will pull over to help us. So, we will wave them down, ask them to take us to the nearest gas station, and while we are on board the RV we will take the disc without anyone knowing. Blast off!

  [pause] 

  Tommy : What? What, what?

  Bill : [Understading his boss's scheme]  Your plan is brilliant, Tommy. I'm, I'm, I'm sorry that I doubted you.

  [They embrace] 

  Tommy : Oh, it's okay. I know.

  Bill : It's just I need coffee.