Smack the Pony (1999–2017)

Sarah Alexander: Various Characters

Quotes 

• Various Characters : Sorry, my boyfriend just dumped me, can I borrow yours?

• Various Characters : [Dating Video]  I'M THE QUIET ONE!

• Various Characters : [Dating Vid]  Hello, I'm Ros, before we go any further I feel that I should be open - BIG RED TRACTOR - about one particular aspect of myself. There is something in my life - Fencing FENCING - that is just too - EGG - significant not too - BIG EGG - mention. I know it puts some people off, but I would - IT DOES EXACTLY WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN - need you, whoever you are, to accept - WICKERWORK - me as I am - BULLY - as a Christian.

• Various Characters : Doctor, instead of removing a little fat from the eyelid area, you seem to have cut off my arm and replaced it with a rusty metal spike.

• Various Characters : Perfect Girlfriend? She's getting it somewhere else.

• Various Characters : [Dating Video]  I have this crew of Sailors who live in my Hair, but it's no trouble. Except when occasionally I have to pipe them on and off a Battleship like

  [Whistling Noise] 

  Various Characters : . Yeah, I just can't get a man...

• Various Characters : [Busy Reception]  Oh m'Lady, what's that?

  Various Characters : [New hire]  It's my Tag! And if you paint over it, I'll do it again!

• Various Characters : [Scandinavian]  I'm full of fuck. Got a lot of fuck in my life. I'm just a very fucky person.

  [Gasps] 

  Various Characters : Luck! Fuck! No, I mean Fuck this time!

• Various Characters : [Wedding Dress Shopping]  Oh, you're Beautiful! I'm a Spinster! Yes I am, I'm Spinster Rhona! There goes Spinster Rhona the village kids will cry, as I walk my dog around. And it won't even be a proper dog, it'll have a bogie in its eye! And it won't be able to bark properly it'll just go snerksnerksnerk... Can we get something for me, now?

• Various Characters : I'm not looking for the One, I'm looking for the One before the One, so I can get confused...