Poirot (TV Series)
Hickory Dickory Dock (1995)
Philip Jackson: Chief Inspector Japp
Quotes
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Mrs. Hubbard : I know it's a wicked thing to say, but I think she might have been a secret drinker.
Chief Inspector Japp : After all the bottles we found in her room, there's no secret about it.
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Chief Inspector Japp : What's that thing in the bathroom, Poirot?
Hercule Poirot : Comment?
Chief Inspector Japp : Like a umm... foot bath.
Hercule Poirot : Ah, the bidet.
Chief Inspector Japp : Oh, bidet. It's got a sort of fountain thing in the middle; what's that for?
Hercule Poirot : Uhh... it is of no significance.
Chief Inspector Japp : Nearly got a squirt in the eye when I turned it on.
Miss Lemon : Kumpf!
[snorting with stifled laughter]
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Chief Inspector Japp : Oh, these psychologists. Most of them are barmy themselves.
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[last lines]
Chief Inspector Japp : [presenting a plate of his own cooking to Poirot and pointing to each item] There, now that is what I call food. That's your mashed potato, this is your peas - mushy peas we call them - you'll love 'em - and this,
[in a French accent]
Chief Inspector Japp : the piece de resistance - faggots.
Hercule Poirot : Faggot.
Chief Inspector Japp : Faggots - and there's spotted dick for afters.
Hercule Poirot : [looking incredulous] - Dick?
Chief Inspector Japp : Yes. It's called that because...
[looks puzzled]
Hercule Poirot : This is tragic Chief Inspector.
Chief Inspector Japp : No no, it's fine.
Hercule Poirot : I can eat none of this wonderful food.
Chief Inspector Japp : What? Why?
Hercule Poirot : Because... I have an allergy of the faggot.
Chief Inspector Japp : An allergy?
Hercule Poirot : Oui. I... I do not know how you say it in English, but in Belgian it is... known as... 'la phobie de faggot'.
Chief Inspector Japp : I've never heard of that.
Hercule Poirot : I'm so sorry Chief Inspector, I should have warned you.
Chief Inspector Japp : Well, this is a blessed upset I must say. Still, you can have some spotted dick...
[sarcastically]
Chief Inspector Japp : you haven't got a 'phobie de dick' have you?
Hercule Poirot : [smiles and shakes his head] No.
[Hands his plate to Japp and with a pleading look]
Hercule Poirot : some cheese?
Chief Inspector Japp : I'll have a look.
Hercule Poirot : Just some Camembert, a little Brie perhaps.
Chief Inspector Japp : [putting a cheese dish in front of Poirot] Bon. Nothing like a bit of mousetrap.
[Poirot screws up his face in disgust and looks away]