Dalziel and Pascoe (TV Series)

Bones and Silence (1998)

Warren Clarke: Det. Supt. Andy Dalziel

Quotes 

• [Dalziel is playing the part of God in a religious "mystery" play. During the first rehearsal, he receives an urgent phone call about a case he is working on, and turns to go. Eileen Anstiss, the director, is not pleased] 

  Eileen Anstiss : Where are you going?

  Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel : Your Lucifer's in the shit again.

  Eileen Anstiss : But you *can't* go.

  Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel : Didn't you know? God's transcendant. Ask the canon. It's his department. God's everywhere, so I'll still be here even after I've gone.

• Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel : You searched Swain's house this morning. Find any drugs?

  DC Seymour : Drugs? No-one said anything about drugs.

  Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel : No-one said anything about Barbary apes, but if you'd seen a couple of them fornicating on the kitchen table, likely you would have mentioned it.

• Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel : Who said that?

  Det. Insp. Peter Pascoe : Henrik Ibsen. You know him?

  Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel : I saw him play once... he scored a hat-trick against Leeds.

• [Dalziel wants Philip Swain to tell him the truth this time, and to change the statement he has already given] 

  Philip Swain : I have nothing to add to the statement I signed earlier. I'll sign it again if you like.

  Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel : You can sign a cheque twice - it won't stop it bouncing.

• Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel : I always think doughnuts are better than sex - a surprise in every bite, and they don't talk back at you.

• Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel : Who said that?

  Hedda : Henrik Ibsen. You know him?

  Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel : I saw him play once... he scored a hattrick against Leeds.