Garfield Goes Hollywood (1987 TV Short)
Lorenzo Music: Garfield
Quotes
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Garfield : I know a dog who was so ugly, cars chased him!
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Jon Arbuckle : [Garfield stayed behind with a goldfish who's a rival on Pet Search] Where were you, Garfield?
Garfield : [as he gulps and pats his stomach] Eliminating some competition.
Jon Arbuckle : Well, hurry and get dressed. The show's about to begin.
Pet Search host : [entering their dressing room] Hey, you're on in five minutes. Don't be late.
Jon Arbuckle : Come on, guys, let's break a leg!
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Jon Arbuckle : [after seeing the Limon Sisters, a trio of chickens, perform at the Pet Search finals] Those chickens were pretty good.
Garfield : Yes, they are. We must have them for dinner some time.
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Mountain Man Dan : [rocking in a chair and playing a banjo and singing while his dog Blue moves his tail back and forth under the rocker] I have a dog, his name is Blue, he sings real good, he sings...
[Blue's tail gets caught under the rocker and he howls]
Garfield : [as the TV audience applauds] We're better than that.
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[about to destroy John's guitar]
Garfield : [to Odie, before they knock Jon's guitar over with a lamp] Not a pretty job, Odie, but - somebody has to do it. Here, gimme a hand.
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Jon Arbuckle : OK, are we going out there tonight?
Garfield : Maybe!
Jon Arbuckle : Are we gonna get the performance of our lives?
Garfield : Doubt it!
Jon Arbuckle : Are we gonna win?
Garfield : Not a chance!
Jon Arbuckle : All right, let's DO it!
[he and Odie dash away to the stage wing]
Odie : [barks]
Garfield : Let's not, and say we did!
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Jon Arbuckle : I think we have it wrapped up, guys. I haven't seen any competition so far, and there's only one act *after* us!
Odie : [barks]
Garfield : They're lucky it'll probably be a dog who plays five instruments at the same time.
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[For winning at "Pet Search", Jon, Garfield, and Odie are now headed for the nationals in Hollywood and they've won $1,000]
Garfield : Money - big deal. A lot of good money does a cat. And going to Hollywood sounds like a *long* car ride to me. It's not enough to be made fools of ourselves on a local station; now we've won the right to do it in front of the whole country. Oh, well, maybe things will work out. Maybe the earth will shift and Hollywood will fall into the ocean.
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Pet Search host : Our final act this evening is Bob the Wonder Dog. He will play five, count them, FIVE instruments simultaneously!
Jon Arbuckle : Uh-oh.
Garfield : Bingo.
Odie : [whimpers]
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Garfield : Rehearsing - a lot of good rehearsing that stupid act is gonna do. Well, Jon and Odie can go back to reality if they want to, but *I'm* not. I'm staying. I'm gonna win that talent competition, become a star, and live out my days in the manner in which I'm going to be accustomed.
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Jon Arbuckle : Wow, just look at all this! Our own private dressing room! Fresh flowers! So this is what stardom is like!
Garfield : [looking into a rehearsal room] Hey, they're rehearsing! Let's check out the competition.
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Jon Arbuckle : [after Miles the Jazz Canary has performed] Winning all those prizes would be great guys. But getting back to our *real* home will be even greater, right?
Garfield : He's *got* to be kidding.
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Garfield : Odie, come here.
[Odie jumps on the bed]
Garfield : Odie, we're pretty talented, right?
[drum flam as Odie barks and nods briefly]
Garfield : We're good dancers, right?
[flam as Odie barks and nods again]
Garfield : We went to Pet Search and won, right?
[flam as Odie barks once again]
Garfield : And we're gonna win in Hollywood, right?
[drum roll as Odie shakes his head]
Garfield : You're right, we're not gonna win, right?
[flam as Odie starts barking again]
Garfield : 'Cause our act stinks, right?
[flam as Odie barks and nods again]
Garfield : And whose fault is that?
[roll as Odie gestures to Jon, off-camera as Garfield smiles]
Garfield : Right, it's Jon's fault.
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Garfield : I love show business. It's in my blood, in my ears, between my toes, up my nose...
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Garfield : [after he and Odie dance at the Pet Search finals] We were fantastic; we can't lose! We're number one!
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Jon Arbuckle : We're rich, we're famous! We'll win the contest and get the show on the road! You guys are fabulous; I had no idea you could dance!
Garfield : Shucks, that old number? You should see us on the fence.
Jon Arbuckle : We'll need costumes, a routine, we'll rehearse day and night!
Garfield : Day and night? For-get it.
Jon Arbuckle : [bringing out his guitar] And we'll need - some music.
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Garfield : We're in big trouble, Odie. Jon's the worst. We'll be laughed off the air. The show is called "Pet Search", not "*Dummy* Search".
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Jon Arbuckle : [after he, Garfield, and Odie sing "Wizard of Love" at the "Pet Search" preliminaries] You guys were *great*!
[Odie barks]
Garfield : You were awful!
Jon Arbuckle : Well, one more act to go and we can collect our $1,000.
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Jon Arbuckle : [as he, Garfield, and Odie arrive at the WBOR studio for the Pet Search preliminaries] So this is show business. Pretty glamorous, huh, guys?
Garfield : Oh, quaint. A low tech studio in a high tech society.
Jon Arbuckle : And those other acts look pretty good, too.
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Garfield : [after Garfield and Odie lose at the "Pet Search" finals] We've been robbed!
[throws this hat off and jumps on it repeatedly]
Garfield : I demand a recount! The judges were paid out! Ripoff! We've been...
[grunts as he kicks a stage light away, then shreds a nearby curtain]
Garfield : Call Ralph Nader!
[as he puts his hat back on]
Garfield : We've lost everything!
Jon Arbuckle : [soothingly to Garfield] We really haven't lost anything, Garfield. We're still a family. We still have each other.
Garfield : [still glaring] Big, fat, hairy, deal...
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M.C : Ladies and gentlemen, our judges have reached a decision.
[we see an overhead shot of all the contestants]
M.C : Fifth place goes to - the Limon Sisters!
[audience applauds as the Limon Sisters exit the stage in anger]
M.C : Fourth place goes to - Miles the Jazz Canary!
[audience applauds as Miles lifts his sunglasses and blows a raspberry]
M.C : Third place goes to - the tumbling Garbanzo Brothers!
[we see the Garbanzo Brothers glare in disgust as the audience applauds]
M.C : Well, we are down to our two finalists.
[we see Garfield, Odie, and Jon staring eagerly for more results]
M.C : May I have the envelope, please?
[the stagehand enters and gives the envelope to the M.C., but as soon as he receives it, it flutters to the stage floor]
M.C : Wh-whoops.
[he kneels to pick it up]
Garfield : [praying desperately] Come on, will ya? Come *on*!
M.C : [silently scanning the envelope, then looking up to continue announcing the results] Second place goes to - the Dancing Armandos! The winner is Desiree the Classical Cat!
