The Upchat Line (1977) User Reviews

Sexist but hilarious

[F Gwynplaine MacIntyre · 2 November 2002]

Keith Waterhouse's most famous creation was Billy Liar, and there's more than a touch of Billy Liar in his comic creation who went by the false name Mike Upchat. 'The Upchat Line', a Thames TV sitcom, featured John Alderton as a mysterious bloke whose every waking moment is devoted to the fine art of 'pulling birds' ... in other words, getting laid. Our lad has no fixed abode; he keeps all his possessions and clothes in a locker in Marylebone Station. He calls himself Mike Upchat, which is clearly a nom de guerre (Upchat likes to 'chat up' the women, geddit?) ... but this is hardly his only alias. Upchat has an infinite supply of fake names and false backgrounds. Like George Costanza in 'Seinfeld', Upchat will claim for himself whichever identity or occupation he thinks is most likely to impress whatever woman happens to be handy. Object: sexual conquest.

The one certainty we know about Upchat is that he is genuinely homeless. Thus, his constant ongoing attempts to smooth-talk his way into a woman's bed (ANY woman's bed) carried a double urgency. If a lady doesn't invite Upchat home to spend the night at her place, he'll be sleeping rough with no bed at all. Upchat's desperation lent a sharp and bitter edge to the comedy of this offbeat series.

'The Upchat Line' ran for seven episodes in 1977, and would have returned for another series of seven episodes in '78, but Alderton didn't want to continue playing the character. Waterhouse recast the role with Robin Nedwell as Mike Upchat in a new series, 'The Upchat Connection'. Cleverly, the casting change was explained in an appropriately offbeat fashion: the original Mike Upchat (Alderton) had supposedly emigrated to Australia, financing his trip by raffling off the key to his Marylebone locker: the winner (Nedwell) not only inherited the 'Mike Upchat' identity, but also inherited Upchat's address book, his list of pseudonyms, and a blind date to start off the new series. This has got to be the most original explanation ever used for the familiar TV syndrome of 'same role, different actor'.

'The Upchat Line' and its sequel 'The Upchat Connection' deserve to be repeated. I hope they'll be issued on video.

"Writers with luggage locker keys do it!"

[ShadeGrenade · 10/10 · 8 August 2008]

If ever there was a success story for the '70's, it surely was the career of actor John Alderton. After quitting the role of teacher Bernard Hedges in 'Please Sir!' in 1971 ( though he popped up in three early episodes of the spin-off 'The Fenn Street Gang' ), he went on to appear in a string of hit shows, including 'Upstairs, Downstairs', 'My Wife Next Door', 'Wodehouse Playhouse', 'Thomas & Sarah', and of course this.

'The Upchat Line' was a witty seven-part Thames sitcom written by Keith Waterhouse, author of 'Billy Liar'. The lead character, Mike Upchat, shares similarities with young Fisher, namely in that he has a weakness for girls, and for telling the truth. Upchat said he was a writer, but had had nothing published ( "My publishers are unreasonable. They won't publish a title unless there's a book to go with it.". ). He was homeless, and kept his few possessions in a luggage locker in Marylebone Station. Being blessed with 'the gift of the gab', getting accommodation for the night was a breeze for him. All he had to do was find a pretty girl, use his chat-up technique, and bingo, he'd be in her bed. In the opening scene of the first episode, he is seen leaving Buckingham Palace of all places. He goes to a party and after spending the night with Wanda Ventham, discovers that her husband - a Black Belt in karate - has come home unexpectedly early. In another, Upchat has the staff of a city department store believing he has worked there for years, whereas in reality he only started the job that morning. In yet another, he goes to hospital and everyone takes him for a doctor.

The show depended for much of its appeal on Alderton's charm. Upchat could smooth talk his way out of any difficult situation, using lies to impress attractive women and, when in danger of being found out, using lies to get himself out of trouble. His lack of social responsibilities made his lifestyle one to be envied. Alderton played a similar character in 'Sprout', a comedy pilot from 1974 by future 'Shelley' creator Peter Tilbury.

Upchat's on-screen conquests included Gabrielle Drake, Sue Lloyd, Susan Jameson and Liza Goddard. Sexist? Absolutely. But undeniably amusing. The catchy ragtime signature tune was by 'Wombles' composer/performer Mike Batt.

The humour was unusually sophisticated by I.T.V. standards ( hailing from the era of 'Oh No Its Selwyn Froggitt' and 'The Rag Trade' ), and felt more like a B.B.C.-2 series. Nevertheless, it was a ratings hit, and, by rights, should have run and run. But there were behind the scenes problems.

Being a perfectionist, Alderton had a habit of refusing to do scripts he did not approve of, and would return for rewrites those he was unhappy with. When he did this on 'The Upchat Line', Waterhouse was livid. The author made his anger public: "He ( Alderton ) changed so much in one episode that I considered taking my name off it.". His next words came as a bitter blow to fans: "I won't write for him again. I never realised how bloody awkward he can be.".

With Alderton out of the show, the search was on for a new 'Mike Upchat'. Whoever took on the role needed to be funny, sexy and charming. They eventually settled on Robin Nedwell, then fresh from a long stint on L.W.T.'s 'Doctor' series in which he played 'Dr.Duncan Waring'.

As if in acknowledgment of the change in lead actor, the show was retitled 'The Upchat Connection'.