Simply Irresistible (1999)

Sean Patrick Flanery: Tom Bartlett

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tom Bartlett : If the broom fits, ride it!

• Amanda Shelton : My friend Nolan told me this thing about men and sex, that they think about it 238 times a day and when they do they adjust their belts.

  Tom Bartlett : That's ridiculous, no, no, not the belt- I meant the amount. That's ridiculous. Do the math I'm awake maybe 17 hours a day. Times 60 would be 1020, divided by 238, that would be sex about every 4 minutes... yeah, yeah, that's about right.

  Amanda Shelton : I've been here 20 minutes.

• Tom Bartlett : Very bold plate selection, I might add. Explains the outfit.

  Amanda Shelton : To eliminate a necklace would've taken another half hour.

  Tom Bartlett : I see.

  Amanda Shelton : Doesn't look like it takes you very long.

  Tom Bartlett : Touché. I do seem to come out of the shower fully dressed in a blue suit.

• Tom Bartlett : I love shoes.

  Brian in Shoes : Me too Mr. Bartlett.

  Tom Bartlett : I love how we sell shoes. I love how we sell them in twos, it's so... Noah's ark!

• Tom Bartlett : She cursed me. She said in this creepy little voice, a man's character is his destiny...

  Lois McNally : Oh... She's a wise witch. She casts her spells in proverbs.

• Amanda Shelton : That's impossible.

  Tom Bartlett : Why's that?

  Amanda Shelton : One good sexual thought takes at least 20 minutes.

• Tom Bartlett : I think I've loved you since that first day in the market.

  Amanda Shelton : You mean the day I had my hand up your pants. Men are so easy.

  Tom Bartlett : Oh yeah.

• Tom Bartlett : How did you get in here?

  Amanda Shelton : The door.

• Tom Bartlett : How do you know so much about paper airplanes?

  Amanda Shelton : I hated algebra.

• Lois McNally : There's a very thin girl in your office.

  Tom Bartlett : That's Chris. Lois, what is she doing in my office without me?

  Lois McNally : I don't know, but I offered her a sandwich.

• Tom Bartlett : It's like riding a bicycle. The first nine times you fall off but the tenth time you can go on for miles.

• Valderon : This is no knife!

  Tom Bartlett : Hey, what the...

  Valderon : I spit on your knife.

  Tom Bartlett : Hey!

  Valderon : I spit on your restaurant. And finally, I spit on...

  Tom Bartlett : No, no. Allow me.

  [spits on his own arm] 

  Tom Bartlett : There.

  Valderon : That is the first intelligent thing you have done. I fire you!

  Tom Bartlett : What you can't...

  Valderon : Au revoir, Dickhead!

• Lois McNally : It's hot in here. I'm gonna open a window.

  Tom Bartlett : Yeah. NO! She'll get in.

• Chris : Tommy, what am I doing with someone like you?

  Tom Bartlett : Me?

  Chris : Me! With my perfect hair.

• Chris : I have decided that you are a waste of my perfect wardrobe, with matching shoes.

  Tom Bartlett : Nobody's that perfect.

  Chris : [looks down at her chest]  Oh, oh, I am.

• Amanda Shelton : Do all these elevators go to 4?

  Tom Bartlett : Just pick one and press 4.