Stargames (1997) Poster

(1997)

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1/10
Greydon Clark and his sons create one of the worst Sci-Fi films ever.
Idiot-Deluxe24 May 2017
How bad can Sci-Fi movies get?

Just watch "Stargames" and then ask yourself if you've ever seen one that's worse. I'd be willing to bet the answer is: No.

Veteran film director Greydon Clark went out with a bang or more like a fizzle, with this wretchedly awful Sci-Fi dud and sadly he felt the need to include/shame his sons at the same time - a real family affair. Having seen it twice I can say that Stargames is an atrocious movie in virtually every aspect: the acting, editing, dialog, special effects, costumes, music, etc, from top to bottom this is as bad as it gets. And believe it or not Tony Curtis was roped into this horrible mess somehow or another - but at least he's the king in this movie. Did he need the money THAT badly or was he just bored and needed something to occupy his time with??? Also it must be stated that this movie is loaded with some of the worst/cheapest looking CGI effects ever seen. Stargames is the epitome of a slipshod, amateur production and as a result the movie comes loaded with many illogical situations, which in no small way is due to the cast and crews sheer incompetence. However it must be said, that do to their bumbling ways, Greydon and company can, on occasion, create some wonderfully awkward/badly acted moments of unintentional humor. And as you watch in stunned silence you'll no doubt be be asking yourself "how much worse can this get?" and on that point Stargames excels, because it keeps getting worse and worse all the way to the end. And not to forget "Happy" the clown (Who? You'll see.), whose known far and wide for his sunny disposition and spot-on comic timing - yes this movie has something for everyone.

The film is set around the premise of a young prince who escapes the evil clutches "Lugos", the most pathetic depiction of an intergalactic, power mad, space villain you'll ever see. Oh yeah, the 12 year-old prince clumsily makes his get-away in his mommies space ship (I kid you not) and remains on the run from Lugos from there on. The majority of the movie however takes place out in the woods (it's cheaper that way), where Greydon Clarks sons face a variety of obstacles - one of which is diabetes, which sadly is the most menacing enemy in the movie. Yep, it's that lame. In fact this movie is so lame, that people are able to evade laser beams - by merely stepping aside. So much for light traveling at 186,000 miles per second! The costumes are comically second-rate, especially the goofy looking helmets with the triangular visors and the "laser guns" seen in this movie, are literally nothing more than clear plastic tubing. With there being so much to criticize, it's hard to say exactly what part of this movie is the worst, but if I had to pin-point it, I'd say it's the script and the dialog that's contained therein; which is loaded to the hilt with ridiculous pseudo-scientific jargon, that was obviously made-up on the spot. I guess when you yammer on about non-existent technology you can say anything. One things for sure, fans of "Hard Science" will find this movie utterly detestable, because as with most Sci-Fi films (even the good ones), physics don't seem to matter. Even SYFY's feature films ("Sharknado" "Lavalantula"... you get the idea) are better than this.

In conclusion, Stargames is truly one of the most pathetic Sci-Fi movies of all-time and it goes without saying that it's a definite bottom of the barrel entry for the genre. However and to end things on a positive note: If you enjoy bad movies than this one's absolutely not to be missed!
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1/10
There Is A Rifftrax Of This Movie
tandsnexus29 July 2019
That's really all you should need to know. The Rifftrax version is pretty funny, though.
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2/10
Greydon Clark goes back to the woods, and the effect is stunningly bad
Leofwine_draca23 November 2016
Warning: Spoilers
STARGAMES is Greydon Clark's final film as director, at least to date. It's also his cheapest production yet, an amateur effort largely filmed in the local woods and featuring both Clark himself and his two boys as the film's main characters. Needless to say that nobody can act in this children-focused science fiction film, which looks and feels so dated that it properly belongs in the 1970s rather than the 1990s.

It's also a pitiful excuse for a proper film, chock full of absolutely awful CGI effects and the like as it is. Only those who truly appreciate the quality of bad cinema and Z-grade badness will appreciate this film. I'm talking Troma-level inanity here, albeit without the humour. A whole bunch of random stuff is thrown into the mix, including random bear attacks, space fights, and laser guns. The bad guys look like they come out of '70s-era DR WHO on occasion although they're less convincing than in the BBC show. Tony Curtis randomly films a last-scene cameo and must have been really down on his luck.
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2/10
This isn't supposed to be serious, right?
ksdilauri20 July 2019
There must be something good to say about a family-effort film project....in this case, it apparently involves the Clark clan and some marginally-talented homies....so, we can only hope it was meant for audiences under the age of seven. Anyone older will immediately pick up on the amazingly cheesy effects, performances---sadly including Tony Curtis', who must have owed somebody a big favor---and atrociously bad scripting and dialogue. (Count how many times the parents yell, "BRIAN!", even when he's right in front of them.) However, all this makes for a fabulous riff session, and you won't even need RiffTrax. You'll have plenty of your own material, especially when "Happy" shows up---it's this flick's only Clowning achievement.
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1/10
Repeat repeat everything everything said said
bartistjclord15 October 2021
This is actual "dialog" from this garbage.

"Hey HEY watch out there is a bear up THERE. HEY look OUT, THERE IS A BEAR about to COME over that hill. COME ON COMERE, COMERE COME ON COMERE COME ON run. COME ON, THERE's a BEAR RUN. COME ON get back" I can't believe they got paid for "work" of such low quality that a 5 year old could have done better without trying.
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2/10
Woof
BandSAboutMovies17 December 2019
Warning: Spoilers
You have to love this description: "A young space prince on the run from an evil space villain, stranded on Earth and waiting for his grandfather the king to rescue him, befriends an Earth child named Brian and together they evade robots, bears, and triangles."

Let's get this one going. I mean, you could be like everyone else watching every Star Wars over and over again, complaining about the stuff that hasn't been fixed since the 1990's or you could watch a Greydon Clark movie with his two sons in it (he shows up as well). And oh yeah - his wife Jacqueline Cole is in it, too.

This is the last film that Greydon Clark would direct. You can always go back and enjoy The Uninvited - a movie where George Kennedy is killed by a mutated a house cat - as well as Without Warning, Wacko, Satan's Cheerleaders, The Return, and Joysticks. This is the time in my life where I sit back and say, "I have wasted my life by watching so many of these."

Somehow, Clark was able to get Tony Curtis in this movie as King Fendel. I can't even guess as to why or what they did to make this happen. I'm sorry, Mr. Curtis. Is this the worst role of your career? Well, you were in Sexette and The Manitou, after all.

There are no droids. There are no lightsabres (Curtis has what appears to be a crystal envelope opener). There is no Force. But there is a bear. And you know who saves the kids from that bear? Darby Hinton. Yes, the very same Malibu Express star Darby Hinton. The man has gone from making sweet love to Sybil Danning to being in a Greydon Clark children's film.

Now I'm depressed.
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2/10
NOT the worst movie ever . . .
asimov7245517 December 2020
. . . but certainly in the top two. As a movie aficionado and frustrated film maker, I long for the talent that would allow me to shoot just one minute of film good enough to be considered art. I'm sure Graydon Clark has a similar aspiration for himself. Just as I do not rate movies with a 10 (there is no such thing as a perfect film) I also am loath to rate a movie with a 1, which is also a measure of perfection but at the wrong end of the spectrum. Stargames brushes awfulness perfection but doesn't quite make it. It is chock full of truly atrocious moments, from inexplicable actions to the creepiest clown I have seen anywhere. Ever. While this movie is one of the worst ever, it yielded a RiffTrax gem. It is truly a RiffTrax masterpiece and that alone justifies the existence of this turkey.
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1/10
Sad close to an illustrious career
mdwesterly19 June 2022
At the lime this film was made, Tony. Curtis was at the tail end of his career, mostly TV guest appearances and bit parts in forgettable films. Its hard to take the actor who gave such Film performances as Spartacus, The Defiant Ones, Some Like It Hot, and Operation Petticoat (yes, only a fair movie but he was terrific in his role) in this drivel. I'm no performer, but really, can the allure of the stage or screen really be so powerful as to be involved in this embarrassment? Was he in deep to a bookie or the IRS?

Recommendation: watch the RiffTrax version, only.
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1/10
What an odd movie this turned out to be
machrf21 July 2020
Everyone acts in a very weird manner in this film from the way they talk, walk, gestures, are all either fake or self conscious. Some thins are just explainable in terms of how someone could act in that fashion and think it is ok. I think anyone off the street could act better. The sad thing is the best actor was Tony Curtis and he was very strange in real life. I cannot imagine anyone over the age of 6 or that might enjoy this movie. Even then it might be difficult. This puts it out of the whole family category.
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1/10
Possibly the worst film of all time
agent-468362 September 2021
There is nothing that can save this film from contender for worst movie. The acting is cringeworthy, the costumes and 'special' effects are laughable. It's hard to think what was going on in the minds of its creators, maybe they were playing a joke on us.

It makes b-Movies like like Hollywood blockbusters. I'm not entirely sure that forced watching could be used as punishment.
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9/10
On par with Star Wars : Episode 4
orbitalsystem18 August 2019
Finally a film that has the potential to unseat Star Wars as the greatest sci-fi epic.
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6/10
Strangely unique show
james-7258230 January 2022
I started disliking this movie. It isn't the best quality and the story is strange.

Yet at the same time, at the end, I look back and have a unique like for it.

Low budget, low plot by today's standards but strangely compelling.

The end looks like it was setup for a future sequel and ends on a powerful hook that made me look for a possible second movie to see where it goes.
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1/10
This movie will not make you 'Happy'...
Aaron137527 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Another Greydon Clark film, the man who made Hobgoblins. His first film was Blood Theater and quite frankly, of his films, that one is the best one I have seen. Here we get a science fiction film that is kind of a spin on Star Trek and Star Wars a lot like those Roger Corman movies of the late 70's and early 80's, only this one is much worse as a few of those proved to be a bit entertaining. I am guessing this film was made due to the fact Greydon's sons wanted to be in a movie and as a father he felt that he should grant that wish. Just wish he did not make this movie available for anyone else to happen to stumble upon and have to watch the horror that is Star Games!

The story has some sort of spaceship that has a shield that cannot be penetrated being attacked by an evil tyrant. Well evil tyrant goes to find the prince as he for some reason is not on the ship with the force field that can repair anything, no instead he is in an old broken down castle with virtually no defenses, but that is okay, as he is about to get captured he flies in a ship with a horrifying clown hologram representing the computer and soon he is on earth where a boy with diabetes ends up lost in the woods and we get to watch the two boys banter in very annoying fashion as the evil aliens and the dense parents look for them!

This film is terrible beyond belief as the effects are crap, there is not much going on in the movie and honestly Hobgoblins was the better film. His two sons as the leads are poor by even child actors standards and having to listen to them talk is pure torture to the ears. Then there is the fact that Clark managed to get Tony Curtis to play a part in this drek is just sad. Why would you do that to an actor like him who used to be in good movies?

So if you are expecting to see intergalactic space fights and lots of laser battles you've come to the wrong place. If you want to see two kids walking through the woods endlessly talking about inane stuff this is the family film for you! Greydon Clark, the guy who made like six Vice Cop movies makes a heartwarming family movie where the kid kills the evil tyrant by stabbing him in the face with his insulin shot!
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2/10
The passion of the Clark.
texasgoalie13 November 2023
Well, right about that time them Clark boys daddy said, "Time to be actors". Pappy Clark had just bought one of them Video Toasters and a Pentium with 8 Meg of Ram. So, it goes downhill from there.

Graydon plays the father to one of his sons. Earthboy, seen at the very end of Uninvited clutching a cat that looked nothing like the mutant cat. Bennett plays the father to his other son that honestly looks more handsome than the kid from Home Improvement, Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Spaceboy.

Earthboy gets lost on a family vacation. Earthboy meets Spaceboy who is running from a evil space dictator, who looks like a colander had sex with a pile of isht. And Happy.... WTF. That is the only reason to watch this movie and watch a horrible actor, do Robin Williams impressions horribly, dressed in full clown makeup.

Watch if you like movie masochism/narcissism.
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10/10
It's a good boy
william-annetts-burke19 January 2022
Man, I loved this movie. It just works. Like, everything is good and what's bad is just good. If you don't enjoy this, you're not invited to friends Christmas.
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10/10
Greydon's family affair
JWFlem8 February 2003
Greydon Clark is doing sci-fi again, but unlike DARK FUTURE, this one's for the kids. It's also a family affair with both of Clark's sons (Trevor and Travis) starring, along with the maestro himself and his wife Jacqueline (formerly Cole), who played April in ANGEL'S BRIGADE. Tony Curtis is the latest in a long line of show biz legends (Neville Brand, Peter Lawford, George Kennedy) to be in one of GC's films and Darby Hinton (who also co-produced) rounds out the cast of Clark regulars. The special effects come off like someone with limited budget was forced to be very creative. The costumes are a mixture of the futuristic and something out of Roman times. Nicholas Josef von Sternberg does his usual reliable DP work and the villain's space ship kind of looks like a floating VCR. There's a computer who appears in a hologram like apparition as a clown and most of the action takes place in the woods...not the first locale that comes to mind for a science fiction narrative - but yet it all comes off like a million bucks. It's nice to see the young human protagonist use his diabetes to help save the universe. Plus the ending leaves it open for a sequel. It took me a long time to track down a copy of this film but here's hoping there more to come. The world needs another Greydon Clark production right about now, especially something as good as STAR GAMES.
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10/10
Loved it
merementz30 December 2019
I really enjoyed watching this film a lot. Wasn't sure at first, what I was about to watch but the story unfolds and it's quite entertaining and adventurous. I'll be watching it again! The location is really pretty too. Those mountain views are gorgeous.
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