Shrek (2001)
Jim Cummings: Captain of Guards
Photos
Quotes
-
Captain of Guards : [as Donkey flies through the air on pixie dust] He can talk!
Donkey : That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying talking donkey! You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkeyfly! Ha, ha!
[pixie dust wears off]
Donkey : Uh-oh!
-
Pinocchio : I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy!
[nose grows]
Captain of Guards : Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
-
Captain of Guards : What have you got?
Old Woman : Well, I have a talking donkey.
Captain of Guards : Really? Well, that's good for ten shillings... if you can prove it.
Old Woman : Go ahead, little fella.
[Donkey says nothing]
Captain of Guards : Well?
Old Woman : He's just a little nervous. He's really quite the chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...
Captain of Guards : That's it, I've heard enough. Guards?
Old Woman : No, no! He talks. He does...
[moves Donkey's mouth while trying to throw her voice]
Old Woman : I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
Captain of Guards : Get her out of my sight!
-
Captain of Guards : [to Shrek, after finding him and Donkey in the woods] You there! Ogre!
Shrek : Aye?
Captain of Guards : [to both Shrek and Donkey] By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility.
Shrek : Oh, really? You and what army?
[the Captain looks behind him and notices that his soldiers have run away, leaving their spears behind. He does the same]
-
[a squad of archers aim at Shrek]
Captain of Guards : Shall I give the order, my Lord?
Lord Farquaad : No. I have a better idea...
-
Captain of Guards : [snaps a witch's broomstick in half] Your flying days are over!
-
Donkey : Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. PLEASE! Give me another chance!
Old Woman : Oh, shut up.
[she slaps him]
Donkey : Oh!
Captain of Guards : Next!
