Being John Malkovich (1999)
John Malkovich: John Horatio Malkovich
Photos
Quotes
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Maxine : Let's have sex on his table and then make him eat an omelette off of it.
John Malkovich : NO!
[Craig regains control]
Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich) : Shut up, you overrated piece of shit.
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Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich) : There is truth, and there are lies, and art always tells the truth. Even when it's lying.
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Guy in Restaurant : 'Scuse me.
John Malkovich : Mm-hmm?
Guy in Restaurant : Are you John Malkovich?
John Malkovich : Yes, I am.
Guy in Restaurant : Wow! You're really, uh, great in that movie...
John Malkovich : Oh?
Guy in Restaurant : ...where you play that retard.
John Malkovich : Oh, thank you very much. Thank you.
Guy in Restaurant : I have a cousin... who's a retard.
John Malkovich : Oh, thank you.
Guy in Restaurant : Yeah. So, um... as you might imagine, it... means a lot to me to see... retards... portrayed, uh, on the silver screen so compassionately.
John Malkovich : Well, thank you very much, I appreciate it.
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John Malkovich : Ma-Sheen!
Charlie : Malcatraz!
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John Malkovich : That portal is mine and it must be sealed forever - for the love of God.
Craig Schwartz : Mr. Malkovich, sir, with all due respect, I discovered that portal. I mean, it's my livelihood. You understand?
John Malkovich : It's my head, Schwartz. It's my head! I will see you in court!
[Malkovich trudges off along the shoulder of the turnpike]
Craig Schwartz : [calling after him] What makes you think I won't be seeing what you're seeing... in court?
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John Malkovich : I have seen a world that NO man should see!
Craig Schwartz : Really? Because for most people it's a rather enjoyable experience.
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John Malkovich : The weird thing is, this Maxine likes to call me "Lotte".
Charlie : Ouch. That is hot. Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover. Sounds like my kind of gal. Let me know when you're done with her, yeah?
John Malkovich : What are you talking about, "Done with her", man? Tonight really freaked me out!
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Larry the Agent : John! Great to see you! Sorry about the cunt at reception.
Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich) : This is my fiancée Maxine.
Larry the Agent : Great to see you, Maxine. Sorry about the cunt at reception. Please have a seat.
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Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich) : You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls.
Maxine : You're right, my darling, it's so much more. It's playing with people!
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[During sex]
John Malkovich : Did you call me Lotte?
Maxine : Yeah, do you mind?
John Malkovich : No, not really.
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Craig Schwartz : My name is Craig Schwartz - and we operate a little business here that simulates for our clientele, well, the experience - of being you, actually.
John Malkovich : Simulate?
Craig Schwartz : Yeah, after a fashion.
John Malkovich : What exactly does that mean?
Craig Schwartz : Well, it's hard to describe.
John Malkovich : I want to do it.
Craig Schwartz : Well, I'm sure that would pale in comparison to the actual experience.
John Malkovich : I want to do it!
Craig Schwartz : Well, right now, Mr. Hiroshi's in the tube and he's got...
Maxine : Let him do it, Craig.
Craig Schwartz : Of course! Right this way, Mr. Malkovich. Compliments of the house.
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John Malkovich : What are you doing?
Puppeteer : I'm making it weep.
John Malkovich : But how can you make it weep when you yourself are not weeping? Don't do that bullshit again.
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John Malkovich : I've gotta know the truth, Charlie.
Charlie : The truth is for suckers, Johnny boy.
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John Malkovich : The Broadhurst Theater, please.
Cab Driver : Hey, say, eh, ain't you that actor guy?
John Malkovich : Yes.
Cab Driver : Hey, John, eh, what is, eh, John, eh, um, um, ah, don't tell me. Eh, Mapplethorpe?
John Malkovich : Malkovich.
Cab Driver : Malkovich! Right, right, okay.
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Cab Driver : I thought you were alright in that one movie.
John Malkovich : Thank you.
Cab Driver : Yeah, that one where you played a jewel thief?
John Malkovich : I - never played a jewel thief.
Cab Driver : No? Who am I thinkin' of?
John Malkovich : I don't know.
Cab Driver : Just, eh, no. No, I'm pretty sure it was you.
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John Malkovich : [onstage playing Richard III] Was ever woman in this humour woo'd? Was ever woman in this humour won?
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John Malkovich : Something was making me talk. Some - goddamn thing was making me move. I gotta get outta here.
Maxine : Oh, doll face! It was just - your passion for me taking hold.
John Malkovich : No! Doll face, I know what my passion taking hold feels like.
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John Malkovich : [in disguise] Excuse me, sir. Exactly what type of service does this company provide?
Sad Man in Line : You get to be John Malkovich for 15 minutes. 200 clams.
