Doctor Dolittle (1998)
Norm MacDonald: Lucky
Photos
Quotes
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Lucky : What's he doing with that?
Dr. John Dolittle : You don't want to know.
Lucky : Just don't let him stick that thing up my... HELLO!
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Lucky : A little girl once called me "Please mommy, not him."
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[Lucky is looking out of a car window]
Lucky : Oh, I'm so dizzy. All I see is line, line, line line.
Dr. John Dolittle : So look somewhere else.
Lucky : Okay. Tree, tree, tree tree.
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Dr. John Dolittle : ...You're suffering from obsessive-compulsive behavior...
Compulsive Dog : [bouncing like a pogo stick] Throw the ball!
Dr. John Dolittle : When you want the ball, think about something else...
Compulsive Dog : Don't say anything more! Throw the ball!
Dr. John Dolittle : You need to relax your mind...
Compulsive Dog : You're the person. You throw the ball. I'm the dog. I get it. Simple as that. I swear, I'll pee on your carpet. Please, please, please, throw the ball. Shut up and throw the ball. Am I alone here? Am I all by myself? Am I in ANOTHER UNIVERSE?
Lucky : THROW THE DAMN BALL!
[John resignedly does so]
Compulsive Dog : He threw the ball! Oh, he threw the ball! I'll get it! I'll get it! I love you! I love you! You threw the ball...!
Rodney : [to John] ... You can't save 'em all, Hasselhoff.
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Lucky : ...Just like his dad wanted, John Dolittle grew up to be a normal and regular guy - you know, miserable.
Dr. John Dolittle : [John emerges from his apartment to get his newspaper; he notices a stray puppy in the hallway] Hey, get out of here!
[the puppy wimpers and takes a squirt right there in the hallway. John yells inside]
Dr. John Dolittle : Hey, there's a vicious animal in the hallway!
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Dr. John Dolittle : How come I can hear you talking?
Lucky : I dunno. Maybe you're just weird or something.
Dr. John Dolittle : Shut up. You're a dog. DOGS CANNOT TALK.
Lucky : What the hell do you think barking is, an involuntary spasm?
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Tiger : [atop an observatory] ... And now, on the day I end it all, I'd like to leave Margaret the bearded lady my rhinestone collar and my wet-dry shaver. I'd like to leave Jack the midget nothing. It's too late for you, Jack. You're a short...
[John's Range-Rover pulls up at the main entrance, far below. With John are Lucky and both of the Rats]
Tiger : ... Hey, get out of there! You're in my landing space!
Rat #2 : [from the Range-Rover] See if you land on your feet, Road-Kill.
Lucky : [following John up to confront the tiger] ... Coming right up - one order of man, side of dog.
Tiger : Good-bye, cruel world. Oh no, I just remembered. I wanted to leave the whip to the baboon. One of the few animals which enjoy that kind of thing.
Dr. John Dolittle : [attempts to talk the tiger out of jumping from the observatory] Hey, whoa. Take it easy now... Remember that song "Eye of the Tiger," from ROCKY 3? When Rocky was fighting Mr. T, couldn't beat him - then Apollo Creed played "Eye of the Tiger" for him. Rocky beat the snot out of Mr. T because of "Eye of the Tiger." Because that song moved Rocky inside...
[He sings the song, way out of tune, to demonstrate]
Dr. John Dolittle : ... Not Eye of the Moose, not Eye of the Bull, Eye of the TIGER.
Tiger : That's it. I'm jumping.
Dr. John Dolittle : Listen, I'm a doctor. Maybe I can help you. If I can't, then you can eat me AND Lucky.
Lucky : Or just him.
Tiger : All right. I just hope you're a better doctor than you are a singer.
Lucky : Good job, Doc. Although, seeing a tiger jump 5 stories would have been really cool.
Tiger : I heard that.
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Pig : [Various animals are pouring into John's apartment] ... Good evening, Doctor.
Dr. John Dolittle : ...No. You're gonna have to take your fat ass back out.
Penguin : Oh, my God. What a zoo.
Pig : Hmm, obviously not a kosher establishment.
Rooster : Where are the chicks? Ooh! I'm cool.
Pig : [belches] ... Very well-appointed sty.
Dr. John Dolittle : What's going on? What is all this?
Owl : I don't know. You know, tell a friend. Ha ha.
Lucky : Looks like they need to talk to a doctor, Doc.
Sheep : Our butts hurt.
Dr. John Dolittle : Okay. Let's do this. And watch your droppings.
Rodney : Tonight, this is the house of love! East Coast! West Coast! Let's unite! Is Brooklyn in the house...?
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Lucky : [having tracked John all the way to the Hammersmith Retreat] ... I crossed three freeways to get here - at NIGHT, no less - and all you can say is "What are you doing here?"
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Lucky : Hi, I'm Lucky! It works on two levels, I love it!
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Dr. John Dolittle : [when Lucky comes to see him at the Hammerstein Retreat] What are you doing here?
Lucky : You're unbelievable. I cross three parkways at night, no less, to come to rescue you, and all I get is "What are you doing here?"
Dr. John Dolittle : This isn't a prison, it's a clinic.
Lucky : Look, the tiger's in bad shape.
Dr. John Dolittle : The tiger? Hey, listen, forget the tiger! Let me tell you something. I had a perfect life until you came along and started talkin' to me. Now I'm sittin' in a robe and slippers discussin' "Mister Ed" with these guys. You've ruined my life enough. I don't wanna talk to you anymore. Just get outta here, please? Go! This is crazy!
Lucky : Oh, I get it: now it's crazy to wanna save a tiger's life.
Dr. John Dolittle : Look, tigers die everyday. It's called nature.
Lucky : Well, let me tell you a little something about nature. I'm a dog, and I act like a dog. I don't try to be anybody else. We are who we are, and you are a doctor who can talk to animals. That's who you are.
Dr. John Dolittle : [defensive] That is not who I am!
Lucky : Stop lying to yourself!
Dr. John Dolittle : [his anger rising by the second] Didn't I tell you to get outta here? Get outta here! Go! Get outta here!
Lucky : [preparing to leave] Fine.
Dr. John Dolittle : Quit comin' around and talkin' to me!
Lucky : [looking over his shoulder] With pleasure!
Dr. John Dolittle : YOU BETTER NOT COME BACK! AAAGH!
Lucky : Bonehead.
[goes on his way]
Dr. John Dolittle : [shouting to no animal in particular] THAT MEANS ALL OF Y'ALL! LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP TALKIN' TO ME!
Lucky : Ruined his life. That's a laugh.
Dr. John Dolittle : AAAGH! AAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAGH!
[after he finishes shouting, he goes back inside where the two other guys are standing there confused]
Dr. John Dolittle : AAAAGH!
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Dr. John Dolittle : [Lucky walks in on an intimate moment between John and Lisa] ... Oh, Mrs. Dolittle...!
Lucky : Yeah, baby!
Dr. John Dolittle : [to Lisa] Excuse me just one second, OK?
[to Lucky]
Dr. John Dolittle : Let's go.
Lucky : What a gyp.
Dr. John Dolittle : You mind if I have a little privacy, please?
Lucky : But it's fine when people watch us dogs do it, huh?
[John shuts the door on him; he continues]
Lucky : ... Fine to turn on the garden hose. Hey, you want a tip on a good position...?
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Dr. John Dolittle : [Trying to keep the Tiger from jumping off a tower] There's been plenty of great tigers.
Tiger : Oh yeah? Name one
Lucky : How about Tony?
Dr. John Dolittle : Tony the cereal tiger?
Lucky : Well I didn't hear you come up with anything.
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[first lines]
Lucky : [narrating] You know, they say the great thing about being a kid is, it's so easy to pretend. You can have a conversation with your dog or a baseball or a banana. Well, what if wasn't pretend? What if you could have a conversation. I mean, not with a baseball or a banana - that's ridiculous, but - but with your dog?
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[last lines]
Lucky : I want my own room, with a TV. Basic cable will be fine.
Rat #1 : I hate stories with happy endings.
Owl : Yoo-hoo.
Rat #1 : What did you say?
Rat #2 : I didn't say nothing.
Rat #1 : Then who?
Owl : [squawks and takes flight]
Rat #1 : Ahhh! Run! Run for your lives! Oh my God! Let's go, buddy.
Rat #2 : I don't want to die. I'm too young to die! Hang a left! No, hang a right! Look out for the traffic! Oh, legs, do your thing. Get out of my way!
Rat #1 : This circle of life really stinks!
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5-Year-Old John Dolittle : She was my best friend.
Archer Dolittle : You'll make some real friends now.
Lucky : [narrating] From that day on, John Dolittle never spoke to animals again.
Archer Dolittle : Someday, you're gonna thank me for this.
Lucky : [narrating] And after a while, all he could remember was that deep down inside, there was something missing.
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Lucky : [lucky arrives at the clinic] Doc! Hey, over here.
Dr. John Dolittle : What are you doin' here?
Lucky : You're unbelievable. I crossed three freeways at night no less, to come to rescue you, and all I get is, "what are you doing here?"
Dr. John Dolittle : This isn't a prison, it's a clinic.
Lucky : Look, the tigers in bad shape.
Dr. John Dolittle : The tiger? Hey listen. Forget the tiger. You know let me tell you somethin'. I had a perfect life until you came along and started talkin' to me. Now I'm sitting here in a robe and slippers discussin' Mister Ed with these guys. You ruined my life enough. I don't want to talk to you anymore. Go away. Just get out of here, please. Go, this is crazy.
Lucky : Oh, I get it. Now it's crazy to want to save a tiger's life.
Dr. John Dolittle : Listen, tigers die everyday, it's called nature.
Lucky : Let me tell you a little about nature. I'm a dog and I act like a dog. I don't try to be anybody else. We are who we are and you are a doctor who can talk to animals. That's who you are.
Dr. John Dolittle : That is not who I am.
Lucky : Stop lying to yourself.
Dr. John Dolittle : Didn't I tell you to get out of here? Get out of here! Go! Get out of here! Get out of here!
Lucky : [finally fed up] Fine.
Dr. John Dolittle : Stop coming around here and talkin' to me!
Lucky : With pleasure.
Dr. John Dolittle : You better not come back!
[Starts shouting]
Lucky : Bonehead.
Dr. John Dolittle : [to animals] That's all of y'all! Leave me alone! Stop talkin' to me!
Lucky : [walking away] Ruined his life. That's a laugh.
Dr. John Dolittle : [dolittle starts shouting at the top of his lungs]
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Lucky : Be Who You Are!
