Bean (1997)
Andrew Lawrence: Kevin Langley
Quotes
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Kevin Langley : I can't sleep. I can'e stop thinking about naked women. What about you?
Mr. Bean : Whistler's Mother.
Kevin Langley : Well, whatever turns you on!
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Kevin Langley : Hey, what's wrong with Meat Loaf's butt?
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[the Langleys have a conference about Bean's arrival]
Jennifer Langley : [in sarcastic tone] You're kidding.
David Langley : Come on, it's gonna be great! Let's say there's a chart of the most intelligent people you've ever met in your lives. Well, at number one with the bullet is Doctor Bean.
[family sighs]
Kevin Langley : Kevin, you know how sometimes you ask me questions that I can't answer.
Kevin Langley : Yeah Like "What is an intrauterine device"?
David Langley : I think more like "What's the meaning of life?"
Kevin Langley : I never asked you that.
David Langley : That's fine. It doesn't matter! What I'm saying here is that Doctor Bean is a very remarkable man.
David Langley : [to Jennifer] Hey, for all you know, he could be very cute.
[cuts to Bean standing in London raising his eyebrows at the camera]
David Langley : [cuts back to Jennifer]
Jennifer Langley : Come on, the guy's gonna be a creep. All Englishmen are ugly. I just look at Prince Charles and weep.
David Langley : Okay, so he's gonna look like meatloaf's butt.
Jennifer Langley : Yeah, and that's if we get lucky.
[Jennifer prepares to leave the room]
David Langley : Jennifer, no one is asking you to marry him!
Jennifer Langley : I don't know why we have these family conferences if Dad's already made up his mind.
Alison Langley : Perceptive child.
Kevin Langley : Hey, what's wrong with meatloaf's butt?
David Langley : [stands up and shouts loudly across the room] Oh, come on, everybody! It's gonna be great! Doctor Bean is a genius at the very highest order!
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Kevin Langley : [return a short while with their mother, with Bean absent] Hi, Dad.
Jennifer Langley : Hi, Dad.
Alison Langley : [Bean appears] Hello, doctor.
Kevin Langley : Bye, dad.
Jennifer Langley : Bye, dad.
[both leave, leaving David full of distress]
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Kevin Langley : Oh, if you still can't sleep, come to my room. I got some great posters of Cindy Crawford on my wall.
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[deleted scene; David enters the house with a towel draped around his waist; Mr. Bean cooks breakfast]
David Langley : What time is it?
Mr. Bean : [stirs a saucepan] Scrambled eggs, anyone?
David Langley : No, thank you.
[notices Kevin sitting at the kitchen table]
David Langley : Kevin?
[approaches]
David Langley : Shouldn't you be getting to school?
Kevin Langley : Yeah, I'm waiting.
David Langley : [confused] Waiting for what?
[Mr. Bean sets orange juice down on the table]
Kevin Langley : For you to take me.
David Langley : Y-your mother normally takes you to school?
Kevin Langley : Yeah.
David Langley : [shakes his head] OK. OK, OK, come on, let's do it.
[pours himself a cup of juice]
David Langley : This day of all days to be late. Day when I get to go to work and tell them Whistler's Mother now looks like Pinocchio's father.
[leaves with his cup]
Mr. Bean : Ah! Toast?
[flips two slices of toast on an oven rack and smells them; sighs happily]