The Birdcage (1996)

Hank Azaria: Agador

Photos 

Quotes 

• Armand : What are you giving him drugs for? What the hell are Pirin tablets?

  Agador : It's aspirin with the "A" and the "S" scraped off.

  Armand : My God, what a brilliant idea!

  Agador : I know.

• Agador : Armand, why don't you let me be in the show? Are you afraid of my Guatemalan-ness?

  Armand : Your what?

  Agador : My Guatemalan-ness, my natural heat. You're afraid I'm too primitive to be on the stage with your little estrogen rockettes, right?

  Armand : You're right. I'm afraid of your heat.

• Armand : Is Albert here?

  Agador : No.

  Armand : Great. Then he's driving back from Miami at 20 miles an hour with the parking brake on.

• Agador : Senator, another shot for you?

  Senator Kevin Keeley : I don't really drink...

  Agador : Yeah, but now's the time to pretend!

• Albert : I'm leaving you my stereo...

  Agador : No.

  Albert : My red boots...

  Agador : I don't want it.

  Albert : And my wigs.

  Agador : Which wigs?

• Armand : [to Agador]  Pull yourself together! Because you have to cook dinner. And I'm going after fucking Albert.

  [Exits] 

  Val : You... can *cook*, right?

  Agador : Your father seems to think so...

• Armand : Now take that wig off or I'll tell Albert you're wearing it.

  Agador : You do that, I'm gonna tell him you're seeing somebody else while he's on the stage.

  Armand : I have two words for you: green card.

• Agador : My father was the shaman of his tribe, okay? My mother was the high priestess, okay?

  Armand : Then why the hell did they move to New Jersey?

  Agador : I don't know, they're so stupid.

• Agador : Good eve-e-ning. May I take jour purse as usual... or for the first tine?

• Agador : When you gonna let me audition for you again?

  Armand : When you have talent.

• Armand : [Sees Agador dancing around while cleaning in a red wig]  You look like Lucy's stunt double.

  Agador : No, I'm a combination of Lucy and Ricky.

  Armand : And it's terrifying.

• Armand : Ugh, what is this, sludge?

  Agador : Yes, it's sludge; I thought it'd make a nice change from coffee.

• Armand : Agador, you're gonna have to get yourself a uniform and dress like a butler.

  Agador : No! I'm gonna look like a fag!

  Armand : Maybe, but you'll look like a fag in a uniform.

• Val : Put your shoes on Agador, it's getting late.

  Agador : [In what he thinks is a normal waiter's voice]  Ah, but there's no point in my putting shoes on.

  [blows out match] 

  Agador : I never wear shoes because they make me fall down.

  Val : Just, put your shoes on, okay? And talk in your normal voice, and just... give me a break, okay?

  Agador : [In real voice]  Okay.

• Armand : What the hell are you serving us?

  Agador : Sweet and sour peasant soup! What you say it's seafood chowder for?

  Armand : What the hell is sweet and sour peasant soup?

  Agador : I don't know, I made it up. I made it up!

• Agador : [in a scene after one in which he was dressed like Lucy]  Armand, why don't you let me be in the show?

• Albert : Hmm, Turkish coffee.

  Agador : See!

  [Slaps Armand's arm] 

• Agador : My Guatemalaness; my natural heat!

  Armand : Yes, I'm afraid of your heat.