The Drew Carey Show (1995–2004)
John Carroll Lynch: Steve Carey
Photos
Quotes
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[Mimi kicked Steve out]
Drew Carey : So, where are you staying?
Steve Carey : A hotel.
Drew Carey : You shouldn't be staying in no hotel, you should be staying here.
Steve Carey : Thanks, but if I stay here, Mimi's never gonna let you see your nephew.
Oswald Lee Harvey : Why don't you stay with me and Lewis?
Steve Carey : Really?
Lewis Kiniski : Sure. You clean, you cook, you're like a big, bald Mary Poppins.
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[Steve and Mimi moved their trailer into Drew's backyard]
Drew Carey : I couldn't sleep last night. The rocking trailer kept me up.
Steve Carey : Oh, sorry.
Drew Carey : And, then, the screaming started.
Steve Carey : What was that?
Drew Carey : That was me, when I realized what was going on in the trailer!
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Steve Carey : Look, dad, this isn't easy for us.
Drew Carey : Can't you, at least, make an effort?
George Carey : Now, you listen to me. While most guys were pushing pencils, I was torching commies out of caves in Korea. I've worked at a job I hated for 40 years. I've raised two boys. I'm tired, damn it! I just want to lay there and get mine!
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[Drew's in a coma]
Steve Carey : Is he going to live?
Doctor : Well, he could just wake up, or he'll need a shock to his system.
Steve Carey : A shock...
[turns to Mimi]
Steve Carey : Honey, this is your department.
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Steve Carey : Bro, I wanted to tell you something for a long time... I play for the other team.
Lewis Kiniski : I knew it, he's gay.
Steve Carey : No, I mean the other softball team. And, if you think I'm gay, well... talk to the hand.
[sticks out his hand]
Lewis Kiniski : [to Steve's hand] Oh, hello.
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Steve Carey : Hey, Mimi, I found something that'll help you get pregnant.
Drew Carey : [to Steve] A blindfold for your penis?
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[after losing a bet, Steve has to eat dog food]
Steve Carey : I think I'm going to be sick.
Drew Carey : You put your tongue in Mimi's mouth and this is what makes you sick?
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Steve Carey : Did it ever occur to you, that every time you look at Saturn, there may be another sad and lonely guy looking at you through a telescope?
Drew Carey : Did it ever occur to you, that you're the only one here who has to wear sunscreen on his head?
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Lewis Kiniski : If we win, you have to name your son after us.
Steve Carey : And, if I win, you two have to legally change your names to 'Boob 1' and 'Boob 2'
Lewis Kiniski : That's ridiculous.
Oswald Lee Harvey : Dibs on 'Boob 1'!
Lewis Kiniski : Damn!
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Drew Carey : How does a guy keep from doubling over every time he looks at his girlfriend?
[Drew, Oswald, and Lewis all look at Steve]
Steve Carey : That is just rude!
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Steve Carey : It's a boy! We're having a boy!
[Drew comes in]
Mimi Bobeck : Actually, I'm glad it's not a girl. After all, what woman could live up to this beauty?
Drew Carey : All women, most men and some horses. Good morning.
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[Drew's brother is wearing a dress]
Mimi Bobeck : Hey, Drew's brother is all right. Any man who can wear heels like that on ice? Proud to call sister.
Steve Carey : Sister? That's what they called me at hockey camp.
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[Steve is wearing a dress]
Oswald Lee Harvey : Why are you wearing a dress?
Steve Carey : Why do you take long walks in the park?
Oswald Lee Harvey : Because it feels good.
Steve Carey : You should try women's underwear.
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Steve Carey : If there's a bra on the door, don't come in. If there's two bras on the door, get a room. If I were you, I'd get a room.
Drew Carey : Wow, you dog you. Still a Carey.
[pauses]
Drew Carey : It's a girl, right?
Steve Carey : Yeah.
Drew Carey : Still a Carey.
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Drew Carey : Don't you ever wear guy clothes on a date?
Steve Carey : I wore jeans once, but you know, they were the kind with the zippers on the ankles.