True Lies (1994)
Bill Paxton: Simon
Photos
Quotes
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Simon : [trying to sell Harry a Corvette with Simon driving] You see, it's not just a car. It's a total image. An identity you have to go for. This isn't some high-tech sports car. Tell you the truth, it doesn't even handle that great. But that's not the idea, is it? What are we talking about here? Pussy, right?
Harry : [fake laughs] Absolutely.
Simon : Let's face it, Harry. The 'Vette gets 'em wet.
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Harry : [holding Simon at the edge of an aquaduct] Son of a bitch, Did you think you can elude us forever, Carlos, huh?
Simon : Hey, you got the wrong guy! My name's Simon! Just let me go. There's no need to kill me. I haven't seen your...
[Harry and Gib remove their masks]
Simon : face. No, no, no I didn't see it, I didn't see it!
[realizes that it is Harry]
Simon : Oh, it's you! Hey, you still interested in that 'Vette at all?
Gib : Hey, Carlos? Game's over. Your career as an international terrorist is well documented.
Simon : No...
Gib : -Oh, yeah.
Simon : No...
Gib : Oh, yeah!
Simon : No!
Gib : OH, YEAH!
Simon : No, I sell cars! That's all! C'mon, I'm not a terrorist. I'm actually a complete coward, if I ever saw a gun, I'd...
Harry : [Harry takes his gun out and points it in Simon's face]
Simon : [Whining and pleading] Oh God, no, please don't kill me. I'm not a spy. I'm nothing. I'm navel lint! I have to lie to women to get laid, and I don't score much. I got a little dick, it's pathetic!
[Harry and Gib gave Simon a weird look, then Simon pees his pants]
Simon : Wha, uh, oh God. Would a spy pee himself, huh? Please, I'm not worth a bullet. Oh, mercy sir!
Harry : [Disgusted] Get the fuck out of here. Just go, just beat it.
Simon : No, no, as soon as I turn, you're gonna shoot me! You're gonna shoot me, you're gonna shoot me, you're gonna shoot me!
Gib : [Gib and Harry get into their van] Get lost, dipshit.
[fires a few rounds into the ground near Simon]
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Simon : [in a Chinese restaurant] Did you read the papers yesterday?
Helen Tasker : [whispers] Yes.
Simon : Sometimes a story's a mask for a covert operation. See "Two men killed in a restroom and two unidentified men in a running shootout ending at the Marriot."
Helen Tasker : That was you.
Harry Tasker : [listening to their conversation with Gib]
Simon : You see...
Harry Tasker : [whispers to Gib] That was me.
Simon : You're very good. You recognize my style. You're a natural at this.
Gib : The guy's a fake, man. He's taking credit for our moves.
Helen Tasker : What happened?
Simon : Hardly worth talking about. Two of them won't bother me again.
Gib : Unbelievable!
Helen Tasker : You chased one?
Simon : Something came over me. I just had to nail this guy no matter what the risk. Pretty hairy. I thought he had me a couple of times. But I can't take credit.
Helen Tasker : Why not?
Simon : It's the training. It shapes you into a lethal instrument. You react in a microsecond without thinking.
Gib : [laughing] I'm startin' to like this guy.
[Harry gives him a mean look]
Gib : [gets serious] We still gotta kill him. That's a given. You know.
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Simon : [hitting on a woman at the party] Here, let me pour you some more champaigne. I gotta keep up the waiter bit, these stakeouts can be a little tricky you know, you never know if things can explode to a life or death situation, just stay low and I'll contact you later. Maybe you should give me your tele...
Harry : [puts his hand in Simon] So, we meet again Carlos.
Helen Tasker : [puts her lipstick case under Simon's chin] Honey, I'm gonna do him right here.
Harry : [proudly] Go for it.
Simon : Oh god.
[pees in his pants]
Helen Tasker : Fear is not an option.
[Simon runs out of the party nervously screaming]
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Harry : [referring to Helen] So who are you working on right now?
Simon : I always got a few on the line. But there's this one chick I got right now. I got her panting like a dog. Its great.
Harry : What does she do?
Simon : Some sort of legal secretary. Married to some boring jerk.
Harry : Married to some boring jerk.
Simon : Aww, but she could be so hot if she wanted to. She's like all these babes, you get their pilot lit, they could suck start a leafblower. And she's got the most incredible body too and a pair of titties that make you wanna stand up and beg for buttermilk. Ass like a ten year old boy! AHAHAHAHA!
Simon : [Harry punches him in the face instantly breaking Simon's neck and the daydream ends] AHAHAHAHAHA!
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Simon : [leaning on Simon's corvette, having lunch] Okay, just ask yourself: What do women really want? You take these bored housewives, married to the same guy for years, they're stuck in a rut, then need some release! Promise of adventure, a hint of danger. I create that for them.
Harry : So basically, your lying your ass off the whole time. See, I can't do that.
Simon : What are you, a boy scout? No, no, no, think of it as playing a role as fantasy. I mean, you got to work on their dreams. Get them out of their daily surburban grind for a few hours.
Harry : But what about their husbands?
Simon : Dickless! I mean, let's face it, if they took care of business, I'd be out of business! You know what I mean?
[laughs]
Harry : [fake laughs] Those idiots!
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[Simon attempting to have sex with Helen on the couch in his trailer]
Helen Tasker : No, I can't. I can't!
[Simon still pursuing]
Simon : If not for me, Helen, do it for your country!
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Simon : [after taken out of his trailer by Harry's government agents] Take her! Take her! Oh, god, don't hurt me!