Threesome (1994)

Stephen Baldwin: Stuart

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Stuart : Sex is kinda like pizza. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.

• Alex : If you eat my yogurt again, I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you.

  Stuart : You make murder sound so sexual, Alex.

• Stuart : How did we get on the ceiling?

  Eddie : Did you pay the gravity bill this morning?

  Stuart : I forgot!

• Alex : If you're so hot on the idea, why don't you have sex with him?

  Stuart : Taste of semen makes me gag.

  Alex : How would you know? Whose semen were you eating?

  Stuart : My own.

• Stuart : I'm telling you. If you don't have sex soon, you dick is going to shrivel up and go inside your body. Then what do you have? A vagina.

• [On Catcher In The Rye] 

  Stuart : It's a great book, you're going to love it.

  Alex : I've read it four times.

  Stuart : I've often felt like the main character, Holden Caulfield...

  Eddie : No, no, he's Stradlater, the obnoxious room-mate who thinks he's it.

• Eddie : - We think that Larry... is very scary.

  Stuart : - And hairy.

  Eddie : - Very hairy.

  Stuart : - So be wary... of very scary hairy Larry.

• Stuart : Straight sex is better than gay sex, it's written in the Bible.

  Alex : Is that in the King James or the New World Edition?

• Stuart : Why didn't you just fuck her?

  Eddie : Yeah, right!

  Stuart : Eddy, the girl was ripping your pants off with her teeth. She's in the perfect position, at least get a blowjob!

• [after the guys meet Alex, she storms out, slamming the door] 

  Stuart : Wow, she's amazing. Truly amazing.

  [sings] 

  Stuart : Amaaaaazing grace...

  Eddie : It's not Grace, it's Alex.

  Stuart : [sings]  Amaaaaazing Alex...

  [Eddie hits Stuart in the face with a football] 

• Eddie : Gay sex, by definition, is better than straight sex.

  Stuart : Get the fuck outta here! I would love to hear this.

  Eddie : If you have male genitalia and you're sleeping with someone who also has male genitalia, then you have first-hand knowledge of how their equipment works. You know all the pressure-sensitive points. You know what buttons to push. If you're a man having sex with a woman or vice-versa, you never really know how they feel. You don't know if they really feel great or if they're just faking it.