Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love (1994 TV Movie)

Robert Picardo: Chad Penrod

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dudley Dawson : Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to jump off the dock!

  Ogre : Yeah!

  [applause] 

  Chip : Hold it, everybody. I'd like to offer my toast...

  Everybody : Yeah, yeah.

  Dudley Dawson : ...to Booger's love child.

  [suspenseful music] 

  Dudley Dawson : Love child? What are you talking about?

  [suspenseful music continues] 

  Chip : I'm talking about the daughter you had 12 years ago, out of wedlock, with a young woman in Sandusky, Ohio.

  Ogre : All right, Booger! Yeah, bud!

  Aaron Humphrey : You have a child that my little girl doesn't know about? I am appalled Booger, appalled. And so is my wife, right, see?

  Lois Humphrey : But...

  Dudley Dawson : I don't know anything about this. I have no child in Sandusky, Ohio.

  Chip : The hell you don't!

  [everyone gasps] 

  Lewis Skolnick : This is a fairly specious charge. Where's your proof, Chip?

  Dudley Dawson : Yeah, where's your proof, Chip?

  Everybody : Yeah!

  Chip : My proof is right here: I'd like you to meet Detective First Class, Chad Penrod. Detective Penrod, does Dudley Dawson, alias "Booger", have or have not a 12-year old child in Sandusky, Ohio?

  Chad Penrod : [takes out his notepad]  I checked the birth records in Sandusky and found... that on March 19, 1981, a certain Heidi Dawson was born to a Miss Cathleen Turtle... Turteltaub, and a Mr. Dudley Dawson.

  Ogre : Cool.

  Trevor Gulf : Wait! If the parents of the alleged love child were never married, why isn't the child's name Heidi Turteltaub?

  Dudley Dawson : Exactly! Why isn't the child's name Heidi Turteltaub?

  Lewis Skolnick : Yes!

  Chad Penrod : Beats me.

  Dudley Dawson : If the child were born to an unmarried mother, wouldn't the so-said mother have given the aforementioned daughter her last name?

  Chad Penrod : Well, I do know this: The child's nickname is "Booger".

• Chip : I'm looking for dirt, scandal, some deviant behavior, a skeleton in the closet that would be so horrible, it would break up a wedding, and money's no object.

  Chad Penrod : How did you find me?

  Chip : Let's just say, through a friend.

  Chad Penrod : And why do you wanna ruin the wedding?

  Chip : Well, my father-in-law's thinking of getting into politics, and the groom would ruin his chances.

  Chad Penrod : If the father-in-law doesn't the political arena, you don't take over the family business.

  Chip : Yes, well I suppose that would happen, but that's not my major concern.

  Chad Penrod : It's nerds, isn't it?

  Chip : How did you know that?

  Chad Penrod : I'm a detective.

  Chip : Wow.

  Chad Penrod : I had a case with nerds a couple months ago, they can be very slippery.

  Chip : How do I know you're any good?

  Chad Penrod : You know the dirt on the royal family?

  Chip : You?

  [Chad Penrod nods] 

  Chip : Well, let's do business.

  Chad Penrod : All right, what's the groom's name?

  Chip : Uh, Dudley Dawson, but his friends call him "Booger".

  Chad Penrod : Well, that's the first thing in our favor.

  Chip : What's that?

  Chad Penrod : With a name like Booger, it shouldn't be too hard to get dirt on him, right?

• Chip : I - I thought you told me the love child was real.

  Chad Penrod : I didn't say she was real, I said it was a great idea.

  Chip : But it hasn't turned out to be such a great idea, has it? If Aaron finds out I've lied to him, I'm dead; he's gonna fire me.

  Chad Penrod : [sighs]  Hey, if he fires you, isn't he also cutting off his own daughter?

  Chip : [whines]  He's gonna give her an allowance that I'm not allowed to touch.

  Chad Penrod : Well... that'd do it.

  [Chip moans] 

  Chad Penrod : Aw relax, will you? There are plenty of ways to ruin a wedding.

  Chip : Such as?

  Chad Penrod : It's easy, you know what bachelor parties are like: beautiful women, liquor flowing, raw naked temptation; Booger's bound to succumb. According to his bio, he's got the self-control of a Brahma bull.

  Chip : Uh, how would we, uh - how would we show proof of this?

  Chad Penrod : We'll make one of "America's least funny home videos".

  [Chip and Chad laugh mischievously] 

  Chip : Do it.

  Chad Penrod : Hey, there's a horse here named "Big Booger".