North (1994)

Elijah Wood: North

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Joey Fingers : Remember, kid, if you can't stand the heat, stay out of Miami.

  North : What metaphor is that?

  Joey Fingers : What metaphor? You ever been down there in August? Your balls stick to your leg like crazy glue.

• North : Hey, hey, this looks great! I have always dreamt of a life without the ever present nuisance of electricity! Uh, uh, just let me grab something from the plane! I seem to have left my butter churn in the overhead compartment, hehe!

  [to the pilot] 

  North : Floor it!

• North : What are you? Some kind of guardian angel?

  Narrator : Well, I guess you can say that, because in a manner of speaking we at Federal Express feel that we are guardians. Guardians of your most important packages and priority communique.

• North : Where the hell are my parents?

  Winchell : North, did you say the word 'hell'? My, the summer's really broadened you.

  North : Winchell, I've got exactly 10 minutes to find my parents, and if you don't tell me where they are, I'll show you how the summer's broadened me, you little asshole!

• Pa Tex : Well, I reckon we'll wake up early and eat, then we'll dig for oil and eat, then we'll rope some dogies, bust a few broncs, and maybe get a bite to eat. You like Tex Mex?

  North : Sure, I'm a big fan of any food that straddles two borders.

  Pa Tex : That's my boy.

• North : What are you doing here?

  Gabby : Well, I finished all my chores, I thought I'd get a little shootin' in.

  North : No, I mean, have you ever been an Easter Bunny?

  Gabby : Easter Bunny?

  Pa Tex : Careful, Son, Gabby's killed men for less than that.

  North : Oh, sorry.

  Gabby : No harm done.

• North : How can Labor Day be next week? I just got here.

  Sleigh Driver : You walked from your house to the ice floes, right? It's a 10-week walk, even with the wind at your back.

  North : No wonder we stopped for lunch 49 times.

  Sleigh Driver : It's that six-months-of-daylight thing. It throws everybody off. I myself only showered 12 times during the '70s.

• North : How does that get me into a good college?

  Governor Ho : Well, since we don't use the letters B, C, D and F, you're pretty much guaranteed to get straight A's.

• North : Adam, what are you doing here?

  Adam : Listen very carefully. I'm not here. You never saw me. We're not even having this conversation right now. Got that?

  North : Got what?

  Adam : Perfect.

• North : Where is Buck?

  Pa Tex : [solemn]  He died in a stampede.

  North : Oh, I'm so sorry.

  Pa Tex : Needless to say, it was a mighty big loss.

• North : Do I need a lawyer?

  Winchell : North, this is America. Everybody needs a lawyer.

• Pa Tex : Remember before when I told you that everything I own is the biggest and the best? Well you're already the best. Now there's nothing left but to make you the biggest.

  Ma Tex : And don't fret about not being able to clean up your plate. Why, soon your stomach will stretch and stretch and your capacity for food will grow and grow.

  North : You say that like that's a good thing to have happen to your stomach.

  Pa Tex : It is.

  North : Why?

  Ma Tex : Then you'll be like Buck.

  North : Who?

  Pa Tex : Our first son. The biggest boy this big state's ever seen. Why he could eat more in one day than anyone else could eat in a whole month.

  Ma Tex : That's why Buck hated February.

• North : Winchell, you put out a three-page leaflet with a circulation of 90.

  Winchell : Might even land me a Pulitzer.