Major League II (1994)

David Keith: Jack Parkman

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Rick Vaughn is pitching to Jack Parkman during practice] 

  Jack Parkman : What do you call that garbage?

  Rick Vaughn : It's my eliminator. I've got another pitch. You get a piece of it, I'll let you name it.

  [Vaughn pitches and Parman hits the ball out of the park] 

  Jack Parkman : I'd, uh, call it the masturbator.

• Jack Parkman : I'm the only winner on this team. The rest of 'em, they're losers. Either by choice, or by birth.

• Willie Mays Hayes : Told you I wasn't gonna slide!

  Jack Parkman : You got a long way to go peckerhead

  Willie Mays Hayes : That's Mr. Peckerhead to you, PAL!

• Lou Brown : Parkman, I saw your little interview in this morning's paper. You're benched for two games and if you ever rip any of your teammates like that,

  Jack Parkman : [interrupting]  Save your breath.

  Lou Brown : What did you just say?

  Jack Parkman : You oughta listen to the radio more, Lou. Your biggest gun just got traded to Chicago. As a matter of fact, your only gun. Au revoir.

• Jack Parkman : I've got your timing now. I bet you don't have enough hair on your ass to throw me another.

  Rick Vaughn : Well, here it comes, Parkman. The ol' number 1, the Terminator. You get a piece, you can rename it.

• Jake Taylor : Say Parkman, I just want to say that even though we're competing for the same position, I'm glad they signed you. You're a good ball player.

  Jack Parkman : Cut the crap, Taylor. I don't like you and you don't like me. Just don't blame your bum knees when I take your job.

• Cerrano : [goes up to bat]  Parkman, my good friend. How you doing?

  Jack Parkman : Look at the scoreboard, Buddha, I'm doing just fine.

  Cerrano : That last pitch man: that was beautiful.

  [hits home run] 

  Cerrano : Not as beautiful as that though!

  [laughs] 

  Cerrano : [to Parkman after rounding the bases]  Look. At. The. Scoreboard. Now, Grasshopper!

• Rick Vaughn : [Parkman visits Vaughn at the mound after Vaughn gives up three straight hits]  What?

  Jack Parkman : WHAT? They're hammering the slow crap. Think your arm can handle the strain of throwing this guy a fastball?

  Rick Vaughn : Look, I'll throw it, you just make sure you catch it.

  Jack Parkman : I will if it ever gets to me.

• Nikki Reese : [Rick Vaughn shakes off fastball]  He's afraid of his fastball.

  Jack Parkman : He's screwed.

  Johnny : You're screwed Vaughn.

  Tanaka : [in Japanese]  He's dicked.

• Jack Parkman : [after knocking down Baker, who loses the ball]  Welcome to the Bug Leagues, Hayseed. Next time, don't stand on the tracks when the train's coming through.

• Jack Parkman : Ooh, must be tough to be old.