Little Big League (1994)

Luke Edwards: Billy Heywood

Photos 

Quotes 

• Billy Heywood : If Joe can paint a house in three hours and Sam can paint the same house in five hours, how long will it take to paint it together?

  Mac : Now wait a minute, you never said this was a word problem.

• Roberts : [Last Lines]  Excuse me Mr. Heywood! But um, they're still here.

  Billy Heywood : Who?

  Roberts : Everybody!

• [after the Twins lose their wild card playoff] 

  Billy Heywood : The Brooklyn Dodgers had a saying: "wait 'til next year."

  Spencer Hamilton : That's it right there. 'Cause next year, we're gonna win it all, baby.

  Mike McGrevey : Give me some of that.

  [they slap hands, and the team cheers] 

  Mickey Scales : The Dodgers played in Brooklyn?

• Billy Heywood : Here's an easy one. Who was the first black player to play in the major leagues?

  Thomas Heywood : You want me to say Jackie Robinson, but I won't. Fleet Walker for Toledo. I believe the year was 1884.

• Joey : You should start Webman. He always beats the Rangers.

  Billy Heywood : He always beats everybody. That's why he's 3-7.

• Billy Heywood : Who would've thought they'd throw you a changeup with a three-two count and the bases loaded?

  Lou Collins : I bet you did, didn't you. You did! Ya knew it!

• Margaret Sullivan : Isn't that wonderful? Your Grandfather gave you the twins!

  Billy Heywood : I would rather have my Grandfather.

• Joey : You what you should do? You should start Webman!

  Billy Heywood : I had a feeling you were going to say that.

• Mac : You're a frickin' primadonna, McGreavy. You don't deserve to wear that uniform.

  Mike McGrevey : You know, you're right, Mac. I'm a disgrace to the Twins. I think you should trade me.

  Mac : As soon as we find someone dumb enough to take you, that's EXACTLY what we're gonna do.

  Billy Heywood : No we're not. We're not trading you.

  Mike McGrevey : So what are you going to do, bench me?

  Billy Heywood : Nope, play you. When it's your turn to pitch, you pitch. Nothing changes.

  Mike McGrevey : You know, I don't think that's such a good idea. I have a feeling my concentration's not going to be that good out there. I might tend to forget some of those scouting reports.

  Billy Heywood : Well, that's up to you, you're the free agent. Hey Mac, what's the going rate for an absent-minded pitcher who can't get anybody out?

• Billy Heywood : [after Scales was called out at first base during a home game against the Rangers]  What?

  Mickey Scales : Come on, blue! He didn't touch me, blue! That's brutal, my momma could make that call blue, come on!

  Billy Heywood : [to the first-base umpire, after the first-base coach gets Scales out of the way]  He missed the tag! He missed the tag!

  Major League Umpire : and what are you, Bob Uecker?

  Billy Heywood : That was a lousy call, you were out of position.

  Major League Umpire : I saqw what I saw, so go sit down.

  Billy Heywood : No, I'm not gonna sit down, because you're a big dork.

  Major League Umpire : Oh yeah? Well, you're a little squirt with a big mouth, so why don't you get outta my face before I get mad?

  Billy Heywood : Come on, get mad! Pop a vein, you ugly, big

  [prolonged air horn sound, while Palmeiro's eyes get big] 

  Billy Heywood : ... blind, seeing-eye dog.

  Major League Umpire : You're outta here, Heywood!

  Billy Heywood : [while kicking dirt on the umpire]  Yeah, that's right. Throw me out you big, fat

  [prolonged air horn] 

  Billy Heywood : ... and you're blind as a bat!

  Major League Umpire : Get outta here!

  Billy Heywood : Fine! Ever heard of Certs?

• Jim Bowers : [after Billy apologizes to the team]  On behalf of the entire Apache Nation, we accept this olive branch of peace.

  Billy Heywood : [team laughs]  Thanks, I think.