The Flintstones (1994)
John Goodman: Fred Flintstone
Photos
Quotes
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Barney Rubble : You know, Fred, I hear that eatin' too much red meat is bad for you.
Fred Flintstone : What a load of bunk! My father ate it every day of his life and he lived to the ripe old age of thirty-eight.
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[Dino grabs one of the steaks off the grill and runs away]
Fred Flintstone : Hey, Barn, you like your steak rare?
Barney Rubble : Yeah.
Fred Flintstone : That one's yours.
Barney Rubble : [chases Dino] Hey, stop! Come back here, you purple rodent!
Fred Flintstone : Hey, Barn! Don't forget to wash that off before you eat it!
[chuckles and drinks his Coke]
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Mrs. Pyrite : Mr. and Mrs. Rubble, this is your little boy.
[Presents Bamm-Bamm]
Betty Rubble : Oh, Barney, isn't he precious?
Fred Flintstone : [aside to Wilma] Precious? They'd have been better off with the monkey.
Wilma Flintstone : Fred!
Betty Rubble : Does he have a name?
Mrs. Pyrite : Bamm-Bamm.
Barney Rubble : Is that short for something?
Mrs. Pyrite : Bamm-Bamm-Bamm. You're going to have to take it slowly with this one. He doesn't speak yet and is a little skittish around humans, but, then again, I would be too if I'd been raised by wild mastodons. Ha ha ha.
Betty Rubble , Barney Rubble : Mastodons?
Mrs. Pyrite : Let's not nitpick! A mammal's a mammal.
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Fred Flintstone : We'll make new friends, there's 4,000 other people in this world!
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Mr. Slate : How did this happen?
Fred Flintstone : Well, it all started when I lent money to Barney so he could adopt a baby.
Mr. Slate : Not that. How did this happen to Cliff?
[shows Cliff trapped in a hard rough substance]
Fred Flintstone : Well, the machine went haywire and the rocks got crushed up and mixed with the water, and it got onto Cliff. Mr. Slate, I'm sorry.
Mr. Slate : Sorry? I love this stuff! I'm gonna name it after my daughter, Concretia.
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Barney Rubble : You're afraid to tell Wilma, aren't you?
Fred Flintstone : [skids the car to an abrupt halt] Afraid? Now let's get this straight, Rubble, I don't need permission from my wife to make a decision. In my cave, I reign supreme, *su-PREME*!
Barney Rubble : I won't tell her, Fred.
Fred Flintstone : [relieved] Thanks, pal.
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Wilma Flintstone : I cannot believe you just sat there and let them walk out on us.
Fred Flintstone : At least I can walk around the house in my underwear again.
Wilma Flintstone : And that is more important to you than 20 years of friendship?
Fred Flintstone : It is on a hot day.
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Sharon Stone : Can I get you anything? Coffee?
Fred Flintstone : Sure.
Sharon Stone : [seductively] How would you like it?
Fred Flintstone : In a cup?
Sharon Stone : Bold choice, Mr. Flintstone! You'll go far in this company.
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Pearl Slaghoople : Somebody has to look after my daughter and grandchild, while you're out carousing with a bunch of Neanderthals.
Fred Flintstone : Oh, really? Well, for your information, the lodge no longer accepts Neanderthals.
Pearl Slaghoople : He robs your nest egg to bail out that little troll next door, while my daughter has to wash her clothes in the river.
Fred Flintstone : I've got half a mind...!
Pearl Slaghoople : Oh, don't flatter yourself!
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Fred Flintstone : Well, I'm not going to jail, but it won't be easy finding a new job. What kind of reference is Mr. Slate gonna give me after I destroyed his quarry.
Betty Rubble : Aw, none of this was your fault, Fred. I'm sure Mr. Slate will understand.
Mr. Slate : [screams] FLINTSTONE!
Fred Flintstone : Sure, now he gets my name right.
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Wilma Flintstone : [when Barney and Betty are waiting for their adopted child] Fred? And promise me you won't say anything like what you did when you saw my sister's baby.
Fred Flintstone : The kid had a tail? What was I supposed to do? Pretend I didn't notice?
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[as Fred and Pearl argue]
Wilma Flintstone : You two should be ashamed of yourselves!
Pearl Slaghoople : I got my hands full just being ashamed of him.
Fred Flintstone : You got your hands full when you scratch your neck!
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Hoagie : Waka-waka-woo!
Fred Flintstone , Barney Rubble , Joe Rockhead : Waka-waka-woo!
Hoagie : Wooga-wooga-wee!
Fred Flintstone , Barney Rubble , Joe Rockhead : Wooga-wooga wee! Piki-piki-piki, Poki-poki-poki!
[They howling and guests brought the giant cup of lava juice]
Hoagie : Lava juice!
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Fred Flintstone : I'm only one man.
Barney Rubble : Not from the back.
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[after Cliff has announced that Fred had won the executive job]
Fred Flintstone : Barney, quick, what's my name?
Barney Rubble : Fred Flintstone!
Fred Flintstone : Don't toy with me, Barn.
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Barney Rubble : So, Fred, what am I gonna call you now? Boss? Chief?
Fred Flintstone : No, simply Your Highness will do.
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Barney Rubble : Tell me something, Mr. Vice President, what's a graduated inventory plan? How about supply and demand? Hey Fred, what's two and two?
Fred Flintstone : ...I didn't come here to talk business. I'm out with my wife. Now get me a clean spoon.
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Fred Flintstone : Take a memo. Cliff, let's play golf. We can prioritize, conceptualize and tenderize. Executively yours, Fred Fliiii -
[falls backwards out of his chair]
Dictabird : Are there six or seven I's in 'Fliiii - '?
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[repeated line]
Fred Flintstone : Yabba dabba doo!
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Fred Flintstone : I just want my old job back and my old life.
Barney Rubble : Hey, Fred.
[waves Fred over and whispers in his ear]
Fred Flintstone : Oh, and two weeks paid vacation for all the men in the quarry, an annual cost-of-living increase, and those little packets of ketchup in the lunch room.
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Cliff Vandercave : Do you know what we do up here?
Fred Flintstone : Well, me and the guys have always wondered.
Cliff Vandercave : We interface, Flintstone. We conceptualize, tenderize, prioritize.
Fred Flintstone : When do we eat?
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Cliff Vandercave : [happily] OK, Fred.
[clasps his hands together]
Cliff Vandercave : Are you ready for your first executive action?
Fred Flintstone : Ready and willing! Whatever you need, consider it done!
Cliff Vandercave : Good.
[seriously]
Cliff Vandercave : I want you to fire Bernard Rubble.
Fred Flintstone : [punches his open palm] Done!
[realises]
Fred Flintstone : What? Fire Barney? Why?
Cliff Vandercave : Well, for starters, he scored the lowest on the management aptitude test. He's an imbecile! The company can't afford to have dead weight like him on the payroll!
Fred Flintstone : But, Mr. Vandercave, he's got a new kid, a mortgage. I'm his best friend. I can't.
Cliff Vandercave : Fred.
[puts his arm around Fred]
Cliff Vandercave : If you don't fire him, I will. And then I'll fire *you.*
[Fred looks nervous as Cliff pats him on the shoulder]
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Fred Flintstone : Barney Rubble has been my neighbor, my lodge brother and my best friend since the first time I went through the fifth grade.
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Barney Rubble : It's like a dream come true. A son. Somebody to carry on the proud name of Rubble. Think I'll be a good daddy, Fred?
Fred Flintstone : Well, you're bound to find something you're good at.
Barney Rubble : Yeah sure, but...
Barney Rubble : [realizes what he said] Hey!
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Fred Flintstone : Sorry I'm late. Had car trouble, I picked up a nail.
[Shows everyone a bandaid on his dirty foot]
Mr. Slate : Thank you for sharing that with us, Mr. Flagstone. May we continue?
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Fred Flintstone : [Holding a miniature model of houses the quarry plans to build] I hate to bust your bubble, but if you build houses this small, who's gonna live in them?
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Wilma Flintstone : We have scrimped and saved for that money, and every time we get a little bit ahead, you have to go blow it on some hair-brained scheme!
Fred Flintstone : Now see here, Wilma! In this cave, I am the king! And...
Wilma Flintstone : And what, Fred?
Fred Flintstone : And you have every right to know, my queen.
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Fred Flintstone : Miss Stone, I'd like you to meet my wife, Mrs. Flagstone, and our daughter... uh... uh... isn't she beautiful? My family.
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Fred Flintstone : This is my office? This is my chair?
Cliff Vandercave : Yeah, not to throw too much at you on your first day, but this big thing here is your desk.
Fred Flintstone : My desk?
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Barney Rubble : [On Fred's first day of being a VP] Well, guess this is it, Mr. Flintstone. Go get 'em, big guy.
Fred Flintstone : Hey, Barn.
Barney Rubble : Yeah, Fred?
Fred Flintstone : Could you spot me a couple bucks for lunch? I'm a little short.
Barney Rubble : You're right, Fred. Nothing's changed.
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Fred Flintstone : What can I do? I gotta think of something...
[a thought appears showing Pearl Slaghoople struggling in the mouth of a Brontosaurus, Fred giggles]
Fred Flintstone : Not now.
[the thought disappears and then another thought appears, showing what he did with that model of the machine and then he snaps his fingers]
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[last lines]
Fred Flintstone : Wilma? WILMAAAAAA!
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[Cliff is on the ground, scrambling to pick up the money Sharon Stone hit him with. Fred walks up and steps on his hand]
Fred Flintstone : Cliff? It's time for you and me to "interface"!
[punches his own hand threateningly]
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Fred Flintstone : [the Rubbles have walked out on the Flintstones] They were holding us back, Wilma! We'll make new friends, there are 4,000 people in this world. Who needs the Rubbles?
Wilma Flintstone : I do... But I'll tell you what I don't need. I don't need... this necklace.
[rips off her necklace]
Wilma Flintstone : You know I don't need this lamp.
[knocks over a lamp which is based on the one from A Christmas Story]
Wilma Flintstone : And I don't need this television set.
Fred Flintstone : [frantically] Not the TV!
Wilma Flintstone : [Wilma pushes the TV breaking it] I don't need this... I don't need this... Oh, I don't think I'll be needing any of this bone of china.
[throws them at Fred]
Wilma Flintstone : Because I don't have any friends to invite to dinner! So I don't think I'll need these cups and saucers.
[throws away the dishes smashing them]
Fred Flintstone : [missing the point] You'll regret this, Wilma. It's going to take you hours to clean up this mess.
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[Hoagie, Joe Rockhead and the crew yelling at the gate, Hoagie notices that Fred in car is coming to the gate]
Hoagie : [yells] There he is!
[Hoagie, Joe Rockhead and the crew comes to Fred in the car]
Hoagie : You're a traitor, Flintstone!
Fred Flintstone : Listen to me, I'm your friend!
Hoagie : You're no friend of ours and you're a rotten bowler too!
[He throws stuff at Fred Flintstone pass the gate and the policeman closes the gate]
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Bamm-Bamm : Hi, da-da!
[Pebbles notices to him and gasps]
Barney Rubble : You did it! You called me da-da!
[bonked him in the head]
Fred Flintstone : Ooh! Barney, you lunkhead!
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Barney Rubble : You know, Fred, I hear that eating too much red meat is bad for you.
Fred Flintstone : What a load of bunk. My father ate it everyday of his life, he lived to the ripe old age of thirty-eight.
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Wilma Flintstone : Fred, do you have to get Dino so wound up when you come home?
Fred Flintstone : It's not my fault. Maybe he'd calm down if we had him fixed!
Dino : WHAT?
[he runs away]
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Fred Flintstone : [to the garbage disposal after he realizes his watch is missing] All right you, spit it out!
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Susan Rock : And the demonstration continues to get uglier at Slate and Company, following the unexpected layoff of virtually the entire labour force by V.P. Fred Flintstone. For the Cave News Network, this is Susan Rock.
Barney Rubble : Fred! Did you hear what happened to everyone at the quarry today?
Fred Flintstone : Yep. Few hours ago, I sent 'em all off on a nice, long vacation.
Barney Rubble : You mean, a permanent vacation!
[turns to Wilma and Betty, points to him]
Barney Rubble : He fired them!
[Betty gasps]
Wilma Flintstone : [turns to him] Fred! How could you?
Fred Flintstone : I didn't do that!
Barney Rubble : You did too! It's all over the TV!
Wilma Flintstone : Fred!
Fred Flintstone : Wilma, who are you gonna believe? Me or some busboy?
Betty Rubble : That "busboy" is your best friend!
Fred Flintstone : Best friend? BEST FRIEND? I lost my best friend the day I became an executive! He's just jealous of my hard-earned success!
Barney Rubble : Hard-earned? Tell me something, Mr. Vice President! What's a graduated inventory plan, huh? How about supply and demand? Hey, Fred! What's two and two?
Fred Flintstone : I didn't come here to talk business! I'm out with my wife! Now... get me a clean spoon.
Barney Rubble : [slams the tablecloth] That does it! The only reason you got that job is 'cause I switched tests with you.
Betty Rubble : Oh, Barney.
Fred Flintstone : Oh, ho, ho, that's rich! What good would it do me to switch tests with the guy that got the lowest score in the quarry?
Barney Rubble : Think about it, Fred!
Betty Rubble : Oh! Finally, it all makes sense.
Wilma Flintstone : You don't believe this, do you?
Betty Rubble : [stands up] Are you calling my husband a liar?
Wilma Flintstone : [gasps; stands up] Now, this has gone far enough! After everything that we've done for you! We took you into our home!
Betty Rubble : Oh, yeah? So you could show off every chance you got!
[Wilma gasps]
Betty Rubble : You used to be such nice people, but now... you're just a couple of rich snobs! Mmm!
Fred Flintstone : [stands up] Better than being a couple of petty ingrates.
Betty Rubble : Come on, Barney! We are moving out tonight!
Barney Rubble : Hang on, Betty. I forgot to punch out.
[punches Fred in the face; he faints]
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[an angry mob of quarry workers chases Fred and surrounds him]
Hoagie : String him up!
Quarry workers : Yeah!
Fred Flintstone : Wait, you can't do this! I was framed!
Grizzled Man : In a minute, you're gonna be boxed!
Quarry workers : Yeah!
[Fred is dragged to a nearby tree; the quarry workers drape a noose over the top and put it around Fred's neck; Barney arrives in a snow cone truck]
Barney Rubble : Anybody want a snow cone?
Fred Flintstone : Barney!
Barney Rubble : Fred!
[gets out of the truck]
Barney Rubble : What are you doing here?
Fred Flintstone : I'm getting lynched!
Barney Rubble : Oh.
[to the quarry workers]
Barney Rubble : I got cherry, lime, Rocky Road...
Grizzled Man : Wait a minute. Do you know this guy?
Barney Rubble : Know him? He used to be my best friend.
[Fred frowns]
Barney Rubble : Heck, in a way, if it wasn't for me, this whole mess probably wouldn't have happened.
Grizzled Man : [nods] Thanks for filling us in, mister.
[chuckles]
Grizzled Man : We could've made a very big mistake here.
[Fred smiles]
Grizzled Man : Hang both of 'em!
Barney Rubble : What?
Quarry workers : Yeah!
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Grizzled Man : [Fred is walking through a cave wearing a hat, moustache, and beard and is offered liquor by a grizzled man warming his hands by a fire near Fred's former garbage disposal] Hey, brother, a little something to take that chill off. Take a swig of this. Put hair on your knuckles. Tell me something... You one of those guys that was laid off up there at the stone quarry?
Fred Flintstone : [in a grovel voice] Yeah, I used to work there.
Grizzled Man : A lot of guys down here would like to get their hands on the guy who's responsible for all this.
Fred Flintstone : So they could hear his side of the story?
Grizzled Man : What? His side of the story?
[bursts out laughing; Fred starts laughing, but doesn't notice his fake beard falling off at the right side]
Pigasaurus (Garbage Disposal) : Huh? Flintstone! Flintstone! Waah! Waah!
Grizzled Man : [rips off Fred's hat and fake beard] It is! Flintstone!
Fred Flintstone : Shh.
[mob begins to chase after Fred; Fred points to his old garbage disposal]
Fred Flintstone : Squealer!
Grizzled Man : Get him!
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Fred Flintstone : They made a fool out of me.
Dictabird : Well, look at what they had to work with.
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Fred Flintstone : [slams a file down on his desk] They made a fool out of me.
Dictabird : Yeah, well, look what they had to work with.
[laughs, then ducks as Fred throws a piece of the broken file at him; Cliff and Miss Stone burst into Fred's office]
Cliff Vandercave : Flintstone! Heard you were down in the file room. Find anything interesting?
Fred Flintstone : Yeah! I'm on to your little scam! Billing phoney companies and keeping the money for yourself! I'm going to Mr. Slate.
Cliff Vandercave : Good idea. Turning yourself in might buy you a little leniency.
Fred Flintstone : *Me*? This entire scheme was *your* idea!
Cliff Vandercave : True, but I've graciously decided to give you all the credit, since it's *your* name on the requisitions.
Fred Flintstone : I never touched *any* of that money!
Cliff Vandercave : Fred, please! Remodeling your house? Furs? Cars? A fully equipped Le Sabertooth?
[wags his finger]
Cliff Vandercave : Tsk, tsk tsk. You should have been more discreet.
Fred Flintstone : I'm *innocent*!
Cliff Vandercave : [sarcastically] Oh, boo-hoo-hoo.
[seriously]
Cliff Vandercave : Miss Stone, call security. Tell them we've uncovered an embezzler.
[Miss Stone reaches for the phone]
Fred Flintstone : [grabs her hand] Miss Stone, you'll back me up, won't you?
[glares at Cliff]
Sharon Stone : You better run while you still have a chance.
[Fred looks shockingly at her and heads for the door]
Fred Flintstone : [points angrily at Cliff] You'll never get away with this.
Cliff Vandercave : I already have.
[smiles as Fred dashes out of the office]
-
[Fred, Wilma, Barney and Betty have returned to Fred's house with the Dictabird]
Wilma Flintstone : Why is the door open?
Fred Flintstone : What?
Betty Rubble : [worriedly] Oh, Wilma, something's wrong!
[they run inside to find the house has been trashed all over; Pearl is gagged and tied up on the floor]
Wilma Flintstone : Pebbles!
Betty Rubble : Bamm-Bamm?
[Wilma, Betty and Barney run inside to look for the kids while Fred raises his arms in disbelief]
Fred Flintstone : What kind of madman would *do* something like this?
[Pearl gestures for Fred to help her up; Fred steps over her and unties Dino]
Fred Flintstone : [baby voice] Who's a poor poochy? That's a baby.
[Fred steps over Pearl again; Pearl groans; Wilma, Betty and Barney return]
Wilma Flintstone : Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm are gone!
Betty Rubble : [hands Fred a stone rectangle] They left this.
Barney Rubble : It's a note.
[Wilma unties Pearl]
Fred Flintstone : "If you want to see your kids again, bring the Dictabird to the quarry at dawn. No police."
[the Dictabird gasps and Barney stares wide-eyed as Fred furiously crushes the note into dust with his bare hands]
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[nighttime; Fred and Barney stand outside in Fred's backyard; Fred carries two drinks; Barney stares at the stars]
Barney Rubble : Don't worry about me, Fred. I've been working in that quarry since it was only eight feet deep.
Fred Flintstone : Atta boy!
Barney Rubble : There could be a whole new world opening up for me.
[Fred sips both drinks]
Barney Rubble : Maybe I'll take in that franchise show this weekend.
Fred Flintstone : [hands Barney one of the drinks] That's the spirit.
Barney Rubble : [stops short of taking a sip of his drink] Fred, there's just one thing I gotta know. After all these years, how come they're canning me?
Fred Flintstone : Barn, you're a wonderful father, a loving husband, a hard worker, and one heck of a little bowler.
[Barney scoffs happily]
Fred Flintstone : But, Barn, none of that counts on an aptitude test.
[Barney's smile fades]
Fred Flintstone : You got the lowest score, pal.
Barney Rubble : [stares in shock] The lowest score?
[Fred hugs Barney]
