Andaz Apna Apna (1994)

Paresh Rawal: Ram Gopal Bajaj, Teja

Photos 

Quotes 

• Teja : [with a picture of his twin]  Tan tara ra... guess who's this?

  Bhalla : Very smart... in your younger days, you looked like a very nice man...

  Teja : Hahaha... got fooled didn't you? This is the game... this is not me, he's my brother... Ram Gopal Bajaj... my name isn't Teja either... Shyam Gopal Bajaj... me Shyam, him Ram... my old man loved him a lot... everyone thought I was the villain and he was the hero... and then 1 day old man transferred his property to him... that day itself I swore to myself that I will also kill my dad... throw his cards down... but unfortunately in the night's darkness our treasurer Harishankar got killed... but it was good that he died... he used to talk to about good deeds and godliness a lot... he bored me!

• Ram Gopal Bajaj : Shut up! Ever since I have come here all I've got to hear is Amar-Prem, Amar-Prem... nobody over here cares about me... *cries*

• Robert : Sir... everybody went to London... you didn't go along?

  Teja : How could I? *cries* Police was looking for me after I murdered Munim Harishankar... on the other hand, I had taken a loan from Mogambo so his nephew Gogo was looking for me as well... You think I don't want to go to London? you think I don't have desires to see what London looks like?

• Prem : Gogo... take a last look at the diamonds

  Teja : What are you showing him? Bring the diamonds or I'll plunge the knives into their necks...

  Crime Master Gogo : [tries to take one of the diamonds] 

  Prem : Sorry Gogo, they belong to Teja

  Crime Master Gogo : At least let me take one... I had given a loan to Teja! It rightfully belongs to me!

• Ram Gopal Bajaj : I am Teja because my name is also Teja.

• Teja : [Showing Shehzad Khan and Viju Khote his poster as Ram Gopal Bajaj]  Look up, recognize who I am !

  Bhalla : Very smart. It seems you were quite sophisticated in your youth.

  Teja : [laughing]  Got deceived, didn't you. He's my twin brother. Ram Gopal Bajaj. I wasn't always Teja, I happen to be Shyam Gopal Bajaj. Ram-Shyam, Shyam-Ram.

  Bhalla : How very interesting.

  Teja : He happened to the apple of my old man's eyes. Don't know what medication had this scum fed him. Everybody thought of him as Lord Ram and me as the demon Ravan. From that very moment I pledged I'll get rid of my father as well.

  [laughing in between] 

  Teja : By mistake I got rid of our accountant Hari Shankar instead. But actually it was a good thing to do, that fellow used to lecture too much on integrity

  [starts laughing maniacally] 

  Teja : . For that reason, I served 10 years

  [in a raging tone to the poster] 

  Teja : I was in jail for 10 years. And when I came out I saw the tables had turned. This scum had gone over to London and raised his worth from 10 million to 300 million.

  Robert : So Sir, why didn't you go after him to London as well ?

  Teja : [In a disappointed tone]  How could I go to London ? Ever since I escaped prison, the cops are after me. That Mogambo had loaned me cash, his nephew wants repayment. What do you think I don't desire to see London !

  Bhalla : How sad.

  Teja : [In sudden delight]  But from now on, our bad days are up in smoke.

  [Referring to Raveena Tandon] 

  Teja : It's his girl after all.

  [laughing] 

  Bhalla : [Delighted]  Just one kill and a profit worth millions ! Mr. Teja, you leave this to me. I'll give get rid of him in a manner he wouldn't even realize he's dead.

  Teja : [Skeptical due to previous experience with Shehzad Khan]  But you'll be able be kill him ONLY when he returns back to India. But WHEN will he return is the question.

  Robert : He will Sir. His daughters are here already, he'll follow them soon definitely.

  Teja : [Hysteric]  That's GREAT

  [hits Viju Khote's shoulder with the poster multiple times in excitement] 

  Teja : . That's GREAT.

  [In a sudden serious tone] 

  Teja : Kill his daughter.

• Teja : [after the failure of the first plot to kill Raveena Tandon]  So you gentlemen want to say that because of those 2 slackers

  [referring to Aamir Khan and Salman Khan] 

  Teja : you couldn't achieve your objective. It's nice.

  [In a sudden monotonous tone thumping his chest] 

  Teja : My heartbeat has gone cold. If it continues this way, I think our cards would be set on the table.

  Robert : Sorry Sir. It was a mistake by fault. Those 2 slackers are smarter than we think.

  [Referring to Aamir Khan] 

  Robert : Particularly that short one... .

  Bhalla : [Interrupting Viju Khote]  Shut up Robert. Mr. Teja, you needn't worry about anything. Does the snorting of a rat ever bother a lion's slumber. According to my new plan... .

  Teja : [Outraged and getting off the table shouting]  PLAN ! Damn your plan.

  [Standing at the window in background narration] 

  Teja : What kind of men have you got at your disposal Teja. They talk as if they are leopards and cheetahs but their brain is as functional as a donkey.

  [Turning to Shehzad Khan and Viju Khote in anger] 

  Teja : This time I don't want any errors. Come back only if with the news of her death or I would be required to set your cards in place.

  Bhalla : If you insist, should I bring the dead body alongside. Or should I bring her alive and kill her right in front of you.

  Teja : [Sarcastically]  Very smart.

• Teja : [after the second failed attempt to kill Raveena Tandon]  I knew from the very beginning that such an incident would definitely occur. It's nice.

  [Thumping his chest in a sudden deadpan tone] 

  Teja : Seems my heartbeat has gone cold.

  Robert : Sorry Sir. It was a mistake by fault. Almost everything was going according to plan before those 2 slackers

  [Referring to Aamir Khan and Salman Khan] 

  Robert : ...... .

  Bhalla : [Interrupting Viju Khote]  Shut up Robert. Mr. Teja, you needn't worry about anything. Once in the lion's den, how long can the prey survive. According to my plan... .

  Teja : [Getting off the table in tears with background narration]  What kind of men have you employed Teja ? Damn they wear suits worth over 10000 rupees but have a brain which doesn't even function upto 10 cents. Now is the time, you better start getting back on your feet or else your game will be set.

  [Wiping his tears off and turning to Viju Khote and Shehzad Khan] 

  Teja : It's not worth your attempts, seems I'll have to set your cards in place first.

  Bhalla : [With his new scheme]  Like every year, there's a fun fair set to be conducted behind the hill. These 2 girls shall visit it definitely. This is where they shall be eliminated.

  Teja : [In a sarcastic tone out of irritation]  It's good, it's fine. But this time I'll accompany you both to the fair. I'll have to oversee the entire process. But what's to be done with the 2 slackers ?

  Bhalla : They too are destined to die by my bare hands. As per the plan... ..

  [Paresh Rawal bangs his head with his hands in frustration] 

• Teja : [to the imprisoned Paresh Rawal as Ram Gopal Bajaj]  So, you've converted all your earnings to diamonds.

  Ram Gopal Bajaj : How the hell did you find out ?

  Teja : [In delightful glee]  How the hell did I find out

  [turns to Viju Khote and Shehzad Khan who laugh in exaggerated manner] 

  Ram Gopal Bajaj : Even if you are gonna kill me, I am not giving you those diamonds.

  Teja : [Sarcastically]  Who's coming to ask you anyway if I kill you, what say

  [again turns to Viju Khote and Shehzad Khan who laugh in exaggerated manner] 

  Teja : . Listen up Ramu, be a smartass and give me the details of those diamonds. It's just because we have ties of blood that I've kept you alive else I'd have got rid of you long ago. Your daughter's on her way with the ransom here. The moment 5 million lands in my hands, police will back out instantly. And then, I'll live royally as Ram Gopal Bajaj for the rest of my life. From there on, neither is the safe away, nor is the key, neither is the code, nor are the diamonds. Right

  [turns to Viju Khote and Shehzad Khan who laugh in exaggerated manner] 

  Teja : .

• Teja : [Entering Ram Gopal Bajaj's cell in an angry tone]  Hey, why the hell have you called me all of a sudden ?

  Ram Gopal Bajaj : So was I supposed to talk about the diamonds to your clowns.

  Teja : What ?

  Ram Gopal Bajaj : I've decided to hand them over to you.

  Teja : [Shocked with joy]  Me, the inheritor of 300 million bucks ! Now I'll live the life of dignity bro. I'll fulfill the dream I've nurtured since childhood, opening a poultry farm. I'll bring thousands of chickens which'd lay hundreds of thousands of eggs,

  [shifting to a deadpan tone] 

  Teja : and millions of their omelettes. I'll feed them with bread too, for that I'll open a bakery too. The monarch of bread, the king of omelette, BAJAJ,

  [singing] 

  Teja : Our very own BAJAJ

  [Gets hit on the head by Ram Gopal Bajaj and collapses] 

  Teja : .

  Ram Gopal Bajaj : You'll make omelettes of my life's hard earnings, nonsense. Scoundrel, you'll open a bakery ?

  [Switches Teja's blazer] 

  Ram Gopal Bajaj : Bloody you're not even worth a paav.

  [Escapes from the cell]