Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man (1994–1997)

Dweezil Zappa: Ajax

Quotes 

• Charles : We saw a movie where, during a drill, terrorists took over a city.

  Ajax : Well, I saw a movie where, during a drill, terrorists took over a city.

  Charles : Ajax, that's the same movie.

  Ajax : They're all the same movie. That's why Hollywood movies are like visits from old friends.

• Ajax : You know, Dad, I think you're my favorite dad.

  Duckman : Only.

  Ajax : Only what?

  Duckman : Only dad.

  Ajax : Only dad what?

• Ajax : Once bread become toast, it can never go back.

• Prof. Provenheim : I am here to introduce you to the greatest advance in civilization in this century.

  Ajax : CONDOMS. They held a vote at school.

• Charles : So it's decided. When this hideous marriage takes place and screws up our heads Mambo and I will stick up convenience stores.

  Mambo : and Ajax you'll be a street hustler.

  [Ajax dressed in a street hustler costume] 

  Ajax : I'm way ahead of you.

• Ajax : If they made tugboats bigger, they could be the boats other boats tug.

• Ajax : I like toast. Its the muffins that must be stopped.

• Ajax : He was killed when a group of hungry nuns went running towards the snack booth. He was pushed into the cotton candy machine and he got mutilated in the whirling batter of spun sugar.

  Bernice : Another senseless religious confection death.

• Ajax : Gravity is not just a law, it's also a good idea.

• Duckman : I work hard everyday to provide food and clothes for my family.

  Mambo : [heading out the door]  Bye dad. We're going out to the mall. Although we haven' had a pair of jeans that fit us in the past 2 years.

  Duckman : Okay so I provide food for my family.

  Ajax : Bye Dod. I'm going out to eat and then I'm going to go for a walk in the city's seedy underbelly to learn things that you'll never comprehend.

  Duckman : Why is it that everything I say ends up becoming some perfectly timed joke at my expense?

  Bernice : [walks into the room]  I didn't hear you otherwise I would have made a joke at your expense.

• Ajax : I found it a provocative piece of stagecraft, marred only by the author's over-weening pretense towards psychological insight. But the violence was keen.

• Charles : Aunt Bernice?

  Ajax : No. This is our new Aunt Beverly in our old Aunt Bernice's clothes pretending to be our dead mom Beatrice. If I can keep it straight you can keep it straight.