- Charlie: When your God tells you to beat the shit out of somebody, you do it. That's what religion is all about!
- Labia: Get real, mum, I'm not marrying someone with bigger its than me. He looks like a condom full of walnuts.
- The chickens: "Cluck, cluck, cluck; Ah, *uck this for a joke".
- Charlie: What have you got against her? I think your just jealous cause her mum's bar's doing better than your beer garden.
- Testiculi: No, it's not that. It's because, well, I love you son. Now come here f*ck knuckle. You see, years ago, me and her mum, well, we sort of had this thing...
- Charlie: Are you telling me you could be her father?
- Testiculi: Nah, not at all. I'm just bragging.
- Barmaid: [strokes her husbands hair] Ooh, your dandruffs getting worse, innit?
- Barman: Fuck off!
- Barmaid: [walks away] Fair enough.
- Stretch: [to Labia and Testiculi] I only have sex if someone puts me up to it!
- Stretch: [as Zeus] Your actual purpose is not as you believe to marry Labia, but to reveal your true homosexuality.
- Hercules: [confused] Homosexual?