The Nanny (1993–1999)

Lauren Lane: C.C. Babcock

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Quotes 

• C.C. : Seriously, Niles, where do you keep all that cash?

  Niles : Someplace you'll never get near.

  C.C. : Oh, your mattress.

  Niles : No.

  [pointing at Mr. Sheffield] 

  Niles : His.

• C.C. : I wouldn't be caught dead in that dress.

  Niles : You'd have to be dead six months to fit in it.

• Max : Niles, I don't know what the woman wants anymore! What am I supposed to do?

  Niles : May I speak freely, sir?

  Max : Yes, of course old boy.

  Niles : [with rising irritation as he speaks, making Max back up]  I am so bloody sick of hearing this year after year! 'Niles, what am I to do?', 'I told her I loved her!' 'I took it back!', 'I'm afraid of commitment', 'I'm worried about the children'

  Niles : [Max has fallen onto the office couch. Niles hauls him up by the lapels]  For God's sake, MAKE A MOVE! DO SOMETHING! YOU PASSED ON 'CATS', DO YOU WANT TO REGRET THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TOO?

  [lets him fall back onto the couch, stunned] 

  C.C. : [storms out and meets C.C. in the hall]  What's going on in there?

  Niles : Oh, I have had it! I am trying to convince him to give up on Miss Fine and move on with his life!

  C.C. : [barges into the office]  I AGREE WITH NILES! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? JUST DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!

  [Niles walks away smugly] 

• C.C. : I feel like I have died and gone to heaven.

  Niles : I have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction.

• C.C. : [to Niles]  Don't you have something to dust?

  Niles : How about the left side of your bed?

• C.C. : I couldn't put a foot out of bed this morning.

  Niles : Did someone put a rock on your coffin again?

• Fran : Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment... at all?

  C.C. : I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

• [C.C. sees Maxwell's new girlfriend who is just like Fran] 

  C.C. : Good God. It's multiplying.

• C.C. : I find it very unseemly of Maxwell to start dating again. Isn't the customary period of mourning 10 years?

  Niles : Die. Let's find out.

• C.C. : Do you know what makes me feel better when I'm sad?

  Fran : A fifth of scotch and a pack of batteries?

• C.C. : I'll never get to the airport on time.

  Niles : That's true, sir, she needs at least two people on her broom to use the Express Lane.

• C.C. : I find I can catch more flies with honey.

  Niles : I always thought your tongue darted out.

• C.C. : You are a pathetic excuse for a man.

  Niles : Ditto!

• C.C. : What is this un-natural obsession Maxwell has with his children? I can count the number of days I spent with my father on one hand.

  Niles : Seven?

• C.C. : What's Maxwell doing in London?

  Niles : One would hope, Miss Fine.

• C.C. : I'll bet my reputation on it!

  Niles : Sorry, there's a five dollar minimum.

• C.C. : Me and Max have rented a cottage right by the lake.

  Niles : How convenient, Sir, should you choose to drown yourself.

• C.C. : Oh, it is so pathetic, Nanny Fine thinking she could win a kissing contest. I mean kissing is an art, it has to be sensuous, deeply felt, and most of all, spontaneous.

  [C.C. kisses Niles] 

  Niles : Was it as bad for you as it was for me?

• C.C. : This isn't a typical night.

  Niles : Yes, you're not home alone sitting on your foot massager watching "Sisters".

• C.C. : Let go of me you old...

  Niles : All right but I just...

  [C.C. walks out of the kitchen and into the dining room - we here a blood curdling scream] 

  Niles : ... waxed the floor.

• C.C. : Why don't you let me carry the tray up to Maxwell? No, I'll do it.

  Niles : Fifty dollars. Why don't you just tell me how old you are then I'll let you do it.

  C.C. : Seventy-five.

  [meaning dollars] 

  Niles : Now was that so hard to admit?

• C.C. : I could kill you... I could throw you down and rip out your heart!

  Fran : [to Maxwell]  She doesn't have a key to the house, does she?

• Philippe : Hello, Caca.

  C.C. : What?

  Philippe : Is this not what C.C. stands for? That is what the butler told me.

• [Fran and C.C. are trapped in the Sheffield's wine cellar and C.C. is forced to have Fran do her hair and nails] 

  Fran : [doing a harassed-looking C.C.'s nails]  Mint Chocolate Chip, Jamocha Almond Fudge, Pralines and Cream... That's it. That's 30.

  [Gasp] 

  Fran : Oh my God, they lied! 30's a lot. Was 31 so catchy? Wait a minute. I forgot the Sherbert. All right. I'll start again. Vanilla...

  C.C. : STOP IT!

• C.C. : Maxwell, I'm an important part of this team.

  Niles : That's true sir, that couch would be floating all around if she weren't here to weigh it down.

• C.C. : [Max is hiring a female to promote him]  Maxwell, I want a man!

  Niles : The last one deflated when she nibbled at his ear.

• C.C. : Well, if Doug is coming over tonight, I better go change!

  Niles : [after C.C. leaves]  And I thought she had to wait for a full moon...

• C.C. : [C.C. is talking on the phone with her friend in Max's office]  I want to clean my carpets in my apartment, but I'm having so much trouble finding a kennel.

  Niles : Oh, treat yourself to a hotel.

• C.C. : [getting excited -- she's good at that]  ... Niles, I think I'm going to faint. Catch me.

  [He stands a few yards away and idly holds out his hands while she topples to the floor with a tremendous thud. Then he strides up and stands over her, with his thumb and forefinger slightly apart] 

  Niles : ...Missed you by *that much*. Sorry.