Late Night with Conan O'Brien (1993–2009)

Robert Smigel: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lips of Bill Clinton, Lips of George W. Bush, George W. Bush, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lips of Saddam Hussein, Al Sharpton, Bill Clinton, Howard Dean, Lips of Bob Dole, Lips of Geraldo Rivera, Self - Guest, Barbara Bush, Bob Dole, Donald Trump, Joe Lieberman, John Kerry, Lips of Al Gore, Lips of Al Pacino, Lips of Al Sharpton, Lips of Donald Rumsfeld, Lips of Donald Trump, Lips of F. Lee Bailey, Lips of Fred Thompson, Lips of John McCain, Lips of Keith Richards, Lips of Larry Craig, Lips of Rod Blagojevich, Lips of Roy, Lips of Rush Limbaugh, Lips of Sammy Sosa, Lips of Steve Irwin, Lips of Zell Miller, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Ronald Reagan, Rush Limbaugh, Saddam Hussein, Self, Star Jones, Tom Cruise

Photos 

Quotes 

• Triumph The Insult Comic Dog : I think Eminem should relax a little. I mean, my mom's a bitch too, but I don't sing songs about it.

• Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : Then I cornered the earthquake and I grabbed it by its ass and zen I pressed against ze earthquake's perky 19-year-old faultlines. Zen the earthquake said, "I thought you hired me for my skills." And I just laughed at ze earthquake. Zen ze earthquake ran out crying and zen I turned slowly to camera, took the cigar out of my mouth and said, "Now she's all shook up."

• Triumph The Insult Comic Dog : What liquid was Han Solo frozen in?

  Star Wars Fans : Carbonite!

  Triumph The Insult Comic Dog : Oh, no, I'm sorry, the answer is, who gives a shit?

• Triumph The Insult Comic Dog : I kid, Conan, I kid. You got a good show... For me to poop on.

• Conan O'Brien : No, that's not possible!

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : You're not possible!

• Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : Abraham Lincoln was human garbage! It took him five years to win da Civil War. I could have won it in two days with my army of unstoppable cyborgs from the future!

• Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : Mein Führer! I could never have your skills! I've disappointed you, mein Führer!

  Conan O'Brien : Arnold, are you having a bad trip?

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : No, it's a good trip.

• Conan O'Brien : So, you called Cruz Bustamante and agreed that it was a fair election? That was very professional of you, Governor.

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : Ya! Zen I called him a fat little chipmunk! I said he should change his name to Lose Bustyourpantski, zen I had sex with his mother!

  Conan O'Brien : What?

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : Ya!

• Triumph The Insult Comic Dog : [referring to Simon Cowell]  I always wondered what would happen if you blow-dried the "Weakest Link" chick and cut off her nuts.

• Lips of Donald Rumsfeld : Consider yourself fisted by freedom!

• Conan O'Brien : A lot of people seemed to like President Bush's speech last night.

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : Noooooo!

  Conan O'Brien : No?

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : It was garbage! No-one even watched it!

  Conan O'Brien : What do you mean no-one watched it?

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : They were too busy watching my convention speech again! It's now available on DVD!

  Conan O'Brien : Oh, wait. You mean to say you put your convention speech on a DVD?

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : Yah, I expanded it into a full-length feature by adding deleted scenes and there's some new explosions, and I even added a commentary track by me!

  Conan O'Brien : What? Your DVD has you doing a commentary track?

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : Yah, yah! It's filled with insightful comments I made during the speech! Comments like 'Look! That's me!' and 'Oh, this is a good speech!' and 'Oh, check out the jugs on that delegate from Rhode Island'!

  Conan O'Brien : Okay, you shouldn't do that. That's not good.

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : Plus, Conan, there's more! There's *more*!

  Conan O'Brien : Really? There's more?

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : Yah, there's an alternate ending to the speech! Where my speech fights with George Bush's speech on the surface of Mars!

  Conan O'Brien : The two speeches fight?

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : The two speeches collide in a never-before-seen conglomeration of speeches! My speech on the surface it tears into George Bush's speech, rips it into shreds and I turn to the camera and I say, "I'm speechless!"

• Triumph The Insult Comic Dog : You guys like Conan? He's hung like a horse, you know. A horse named My Little Pony!

• Conan O'Brien : [warning Schwarzenegger that he can't carry out all his world-conquering "cyber-clones" plans]  But Arnold, you can't do that... the constitution...

  Lips of Arnold Schwarzenegger : [interrupts]  Cyber-clones eat constitutions!

• Triumph The Insult Comic Dog : [to Star Wars Fans]  Um, I've got some spoilers. Who wants to hear a spoiler? Here's a spoiler: You will die alone.