- Muriel Spry: Gordon, how do you feel about a baby?
- Gordon Spry: Not sure I could manage a whole one. Perhaps I'd better just have the dummy with a bit of cream.
- [talking about their son]
- Gordon Spry: He's 18! In another three years he'll be able to make his own bed and everything.
- Muriel Spry: It doesn't seem five minutes since he was suckling on my nipple.
- Gordon Spry: All men grow out of that, the same as I will.
- [standing over the coffin of his aunt]
- Gordon Spry: Apart from being dea-... she looks as though the holiday has done her some good!
- Gordon Spry: Yes, the slicer... that should do the trick nicely...
- Muriel Spry: What are you going to do?
- Gordon Spry: Just going to slice Uncle Godfrey to death before lunch...
- Muriel Spry: What on earth for?
- [Gordon is starting to have second thoughts]
- Gordon Spry: I'll drown him! Less mess!