Legend of the Roller Blade Seven (1992) User Reviews

Abandon hope all yee that see this...

[Skeptic459 · 1/10 · 10 December 2003]

How do films like this get made? This is a terrible film. This 'film,' found at my local video store, had an extensive amount of dust on its case and was on the bottom shelf of the sci-fi section. There were very good reasons for this.

If you like the idea of porno women with the iq of Forrest Gump in leotards on rollerskates, this is the film for you. Obviously it has gratuitous nudity. What the hell else would you do with a film like this? I mean the director could have at least turned this into porn. This film would have been much more interesting then. Porno actresses on roller skates in the future. The premise is interesting and arousing. Rollerblade makes baywatch look like intellectual art.

It is not often I get a film and my flatmates jaws drop at the sheer awfulness of it. The effects are possibly the worst I have ever seen in a movie. Plan 9 looks like Lord of the Rings compared to this.

If you are like me and constantly search video stores for the worst amd most exploitative films that you can find, including porn. Then you should see this film just for that. Otherwise avoid this film at all costs. Or drink 2 dozen beers and throw it on, its guaranteed to cure insomnia. I actually fell asleep watching it despite my best efforts.

Why, God?

[mdaign · 1/10 · 7 August 2006]

I saw the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life over the weekend.

I know people use "worst ever" all the time and don't literally mean it, but I just want to say I'm being completely serious.

Legend of the Rollerblade Seven.

NOTHING about this movie makes sense. The narrator is, apparently, a fat guy playing bongos while two bondage geared strippers writhe around in front of him, in the middle of some desert. Everyone else spends their time rolling around aimlessly in drainage ditches. Occasionally it will cut to some insane guy in a wheel chair (strangely, the best actor in the movie) who goes on unintelligible rants where he says things like "I want to get on a skateboard ... and fly away" and basically just repeats himself over and over for 5 minutes at a time. People also have a fondness for randomly teleporting around, dying and coming back to life without explanation, and having entire scenes where no one is actually speaking but the voices are dubbed over (I guess they're supposed to be communicating telepathically, but why? WHY?), etc.

There are a few cherished moments that made me cry with laughter. I would say that the song at the end is worth the purchase or rental of this movie alone; I pretty much couldn't breathe and was kicking feebly in the air as I rolled around with tears streaming down my face. The rest of the film, however, is just excruciating.

If you have the means to acquire this movie, I would suggest you do it, because if you can make it through this, you will be be fully mentally and physically prepared for any traumatic events to occur for the rest of your life.

Errrr... oh dear!

[andynicholas_uk · 1/10 · 11 January 2001]

One summer afternoon, a friend of mine brought this to watch. After that, it is a testament to our friendship that I forgave him for it. It is the only movie in history where the cover sleeve actually tells you more about the plot than the film itself. The post apocalyptic world here appears to be a car park in Tucson, where people randomly dance around, and, well, what they actually do is beyond me to be honest! The dark desert surroundings show that... I don't know that either. So what do I know? This is easily the worst film ever made. The dialogue is vague, the acting appalling, the direction mindless, (do we need to see a very poorly acted scene 25,000 times from various angles?), and even the credits are wrong, (appearing randomly throughout the film). There are no saving graces, not even to laugh at it. It is awful. If I could give -1/10, I would. Don't even consider this!!!!! 0/10

This was the funniest (and worst) film I've seen in a long time.

[spamtrap1 · 14 January 2002]

We knew that this was going to be a bad film. We watched it with full expectation that we would laugh at its inadequacies. I could not remember laughing so hard at a movie. My friends and I bonded closer together that day when we watched this film. How can you not laugh at such dialogue as "You're going into the wheel zone? There is so much danger!" "So much danger?" "So much danger!" "So much danger?" "So much danger!" and later, "A gift, from the Master of Light Institute! The sacred samurai sword!" "Thanks, Father Donaldo." "It has a lot of killing left in it... go in peace!"

I nearly busted a gut laughing at the comical sword play, the aforementioned dialogue, the scene repetitions, the penchant of many of the actors and actresses not to wear pants, and the overall strangeness of the film. I can see how a lot of things could be symbolic, but to us who do not possess the inside knowledge of the underground film industry, we will never understand the message the director is trying to babble across, and will keep having reactions such as this. I'm certainly going to look at the other two RB7 films from 1991 and 1993 now.

To all the "High Art" folks out there. Please continue to make movies such as these. They may be stirring, inspirational, paragons of genius to you; to me and my friends, they're funnier than just about every mainstream comedian I can think of. Thank you. :-)

I'd Rather sandpaper my brain.

[Mccrd · 1/10 · 20 July 2003]

First off, anyone that claims this movie is supposed to be artistic (see Scott Shaw's Website for a good laugh) is wasting precious air. I have never seen such crap in my entire life, and feel sad knowing that I could make a better movie if I was dead. The acting in this movie is worse than you can imagine, each "actor" moves like a toy soldier with arthritis. Oh wait, I forgot, toy soldiers have charisma, a characteristic lacking in every category of this trash. Supposedly, this movie is advertised as "zen filming," which is supposed to mean spontaneous and improvised, but translates to a bunch of assholes swordfighting in slow motion (badly) with painted halloween swords and pizza hut bats (no joke by the way, I had one years ago). What I got out of the plot was that there is a battle between good and evil taking place in the future in the water resevior from Grease. There, a bunch of random characters appear and dissapear, fight randomly, talk about random, unrelated things, and suck as human beings. Some pointlessly naked women are thrown in, but because you know they are ugly enough as people to be in this crap, they end up being about as attractive as a ninety year old woman rotting in a closet of a nursing home being eaten by mutated rats. Barf. Anyway, some lady dies, marries the main character, dies again I think, then lives in what I think is supposed to be "Limbo." But limbo is apparently naked women dancing in the dessert to some random drummer guy with tribal facepaint. Good thing I watched this, otherwise I would have been in the dark. Just thinking about the movie makes me want to go back to the classes I was taking last year to stop myself from ending my life. So please, don't even watch this movie to laugh. That's the horrible mistake made by my friend and I one dreadful night. A night that still haunts out memories.

Bad, Bad, Bad.

[gradeB · 1/10 · 22 May 2000]

Just need to agree with the other comment. This is the worst movie I have ever seen. Completely talentless. Bad dialog, No Plot, Confusing and pointless. This film makes people like ed wood seem like professionals. Anyone could make a film better than this.

The worst film that I have ever seen.

[Feggs · 1/10 · 12 August 1999]

This film is dire. In fact, not even that is an accurate description of how bad this film is. How anyone survived it is beyond me. The acting is atrocious, the dialogue is meaningless, and the film makers have decided that some shots are so good that we have to see them several times over (especially the last ten minute repeated scene). Why, is a mystery as the shots aren't even any good.

If this film was sold as an introduction to how to make bad films, then all well and good, but even then it is dire. Even the name, The Rollerblade 7 (as sold in the UK) is meaningless as there are never 7 rollerbladers in one shot.

Avoid at all costs, because when I say that it is the worst film I have ever seen, I mean it, and I have seen a few!

Philosophical Post-Apocalyptic Action Music Video!

[profh-1 · 3/10 · 25 September 2023]

A reluctant warrior ("What's in it for ME?") is engaged to rescue a psychic woman who's been kidnapped by minions of a crippled evil gang leader in a "forbidden" area known as "The Wheelzone". As Rupert Crosse once said (in an episode of THE MONKEES): "Who WRITES this stuff?"

Writer-actor Scott Shaw teams with director Donald G. Jackson to create one of at least 3 of the most UNBELIEVABLE films ever, ever made. Apparently (I haven't seen the others), they took 2 previous films, THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN and THE RETURN OF THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN, and edited them together into this one, though each film has some footage the other 2 doesn't. (Sounds like Ralph Bakshi during the 3rd season of SPIDER-MAN, doesn't it?)

What you have is characters on desert highways and in the LA Aqueduct, travelling on roller-skates, wielding samurai swords and baseball bats, wearing some of the most visually-eye-popping costumes imaginable, action footage repeated over and over like you're watching an MTV video, and some really terrific rock music and banjo music that helps cover up the lack of a sensible or cohesive plot, lack of decent acting, and so on. I have to agree with every reviewer who described this as an "ART FILM". I went into it thinking this would be a perfect fit on the old "USA: UP ALL NIGHT" movie series, and I was proved right. This is definitely the kind of movie that should only be watched really late at night, when your critical sensibilities are at their lowest ebb, with some good food and the lights out (not necessarily at the same time). The brief appearance of Rhonda Shear as an abusive "security guard" only confirms this. Basically, this is one of the most insanely-crazy films I've seen in a long, long time.

Also on display are the likes of William Smith, Frank Stallone, Karen Black (as a lady psychic) and Don Stroud (who I feel gives the coolest performance in the flick). I honestly don't know any of the others, though I would also agree with whoever said that Allison Coleman as "Stella Speed" steals the show in that ASS-baring red thong. WOW!

More than anything, this reminded me of CIRCLE OF IRON... on roller skates. That film was actually written around 1969, arguably the most drug-induced era ever for film-making. So it's a good fit.

I note most reviewers gave this a "1" or a "10", depending on if they considered it CRAP or ART. I'm giving it a 3... because, DAMMIT, I genuinely enjoyed this one HELL of a lot better than CHARLIE CHAN AND THE CURSE OF THE DRAGON QUEEN, the only film (so far) I ever gave a 1-star review to. Now that one WAS crap. And it had a budget and lots of known actors, so it has no excuse!

I have to admit, the ending left even me confused. How did the heroes defeat the baddies? DID they get killed right at the end-- or not-- and if so, WHY?

But my main point of confusion relates directly to why I bought this film (from the "Kunaki" site, which I accessed directly from Scott Shaw's site). WHERE'S TINA? I watched carefully from beginning to end, but couldn't spot Tina Desiree-Berg. "Hot Blades" it says here at the IMDB. I have no idea which character that was. The DVD packaging sure was nice.

Fellini For The New Age

[jzestevez · 10/10 · 28 October 2004]

As a fan of Joe Estevez, I initially picked up this film to watch one of his earlier performances. What I found is one of the most ARTISTIC movies I have seen

created for the Video Generation. It is like a Federico Fellini movie, only with Rock n' Roll idealogy. I am sure the filmmakers were very consciously

presenting a bizarre string of events designed to engage the mind of the viewer and lead them into a strange web of both illusion and spiritual paradox. This is a Surprisingly Great Movie and an Important Contribution to the venue of Artistic Film-making.

This is a Great Movie!

[uscfilmgrad2000 · 10/10 · 30 March 2004]

This is a Great Movie!

I am always amused when anonymous reviewers attempt to criticizes actors and filmmakers here at imdb.com. Most of the time I simply read the reviews and chuckle. But, in regard to this film I feel like I really need to put in my two cents because it seems that most of the reviewers are either missing the point of this film or simply want to attack the filmmakers (for whatever reason).

First of all, I am grad film student at U.S.C. In one of my classes we went through the three films associated with the project, THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN, RETURN OF THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN, and LEGEND OF THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN, frame by frame. So, I believe I know these films as well as anyone, expect maybe the filmmaker, could know them. And, `Yes,' I have gone to both Scott Shaw's and Donald G. Jackson's websites and have read what they have had to say about these films. What I have to say is that they accomplished exactly what they set out to do; to make a completely nontraditional, art based, film.

Now, I am not saying this is the greatest film ever. What I am saying, however, is that the filmmakers used every element at their disposable to, as they put it, `Push the envelope,' of filmmaking.

If you look at what Donald G. Jackson and Scott Shaw accomplished in this film, with out any of the computer technology which became available after this film was made, they did one hell of a great job. The camera work is great, the editing is great, the story line, (or lack of one), is also great. What I think they really accomplished is to be the first to bring an MTV style of edit to a full length feature film. Or, three in this case.

Not only are these films visually inspirational, but they brought together a great cast. I mean look at the acting careers of Karen Black, Don Stroud, and William Smith. If actors of that caliber embraced this film, how is a person who has no background in either acting or filmmaking qualified to criticize it. I mean you may not like Indy Art Films, but as Scott Shaw says on his website, `You may not like the art of Picasso but you can not say it is not art!'

There are a lot of reviewers who claim they could make a better film. As I always say to people who make this claim, `Let's see it.'

I briefly met both Scott Shaw and Donald G. Jackson when the gave a lecture at the DGA, Director's Guild of America, a couple of years ago. They were both very nice men and have held true to their ideal of pushing the boundaries of traditional filmmaking. I believe they are both an inspiration and the nonsensical criticism of this film should cease. People should open their eyes and see this movie for what it is, an inspiration to Indy Filmmaker that you can make a nontraditional film and push the boundaries of the accepted and the expected. Rock on Scott Shaw and Donald G. Jackson.

Easily the worst movie ever made by human beings

[PDogg17161 · 10/10 · 12 December 2004]

This movie made absolutely no sense. I have seen both this and its prequel, the Roller Blade 7 and I am confident that they are simply remakes of each other. The quotes are the same, neither film makes ANY sense and the actors play at least 2 different roles per film. I rented this movie 3 years ago because I saw that Frank Stallone and Joe Estevez were the stars. That alone says how bad this movie is if those two are the "stars". But whats funny is that they are hardly in either of these movies. So you get a better impression of what this film and its prequel are about, heres some trivia: there's a guy riding around on roller blades playing a banjo with a hockey glove on, some character names include Stella Speed, Saint Offender, Teri Aki, the Desert Maurader and Utility Ninja. The "fight" scenes, which I swear could be done better by 4 year old kids with brain damage, are shown at least 5 times from different camera angles. There's a guy wearing a catchers chest protector spray painted silver and some person who I think is a girl wielding two Nerf bats, which conveniently have "Nerf" crossed out with sharpy marker. If these facts aren't enough of a reason to avoid this film, then think about licking the butt of a sweaty fat chick after she just ran 5 miles in sweat pants... it might be more enjoyable.

Like a Real Bad Nightmare

[tpqp · 1 April 2002]

I had the feeling after I watched this collection of camera shots with some dialogue thrown in that I had just been sleeping through a nightmare. People come in and out of shots for no reason, people are killed and return and there is a cut of a little dog at the end for no apparent reason.The dog does the best acting job, by the way. William Smith, who is one of my favorite actors, looks and sounds like he is recovering from a serious illness. The guy who plays Hawk might be the worst actor ever, except for the guy who plays the priest. Hawk is supposed to be a great martial artist. You could have fooled me. My favorite part is when the actors started talking like Bullwinkle. This collection of shots ( I refuse to call it a movie )is the worst thing I have ever seen involving known actors. Don Stroud and Karen Black should pack it in.I have a problem thinking that anyone got paid to do this.At the end there is a character resembling a cross between a yellow M&M and the The Elephant Man. Enough said!

I Guess Some People Just Don't Get It.

[jaaceejohnson · 10/10 · 27 December 2004]

I have read over the comments left for and about this movie and it strikes me that some people GET IT but most do not. Yes, this is a very strange, non-traditional movie, but that is what makes it GREAT. And, I do mean GREAT. Most Independent Films you see have the same style of story line, the same style of (just get the shot) cinematography, and the same type of common editing. This film has none of that. It is completely revolutionary as far as I am concerned. I think this film really made a statement and that is something few films do anymore.

I know this film is hard to find. But, I think its worth seeking out. Especially for film students like myself. It really lets us know that, yes, you can still make art in the film-making process and you can get it released and out there to be seen.

Masterful

[senseibudokan · 8 January 2001]

I have been lucky enough to view copies of both LEGEND OF THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN and the version which was released in Europe ROLLER BLADE SEVEN. Though the have an apparently similar source, they each have footage which is not seen in the other version. All I can say about these two films is that anybody who doesn't like them knows nothing about filmmaking. The visual scope, camera work, and editing of these features is masterful and the acting and dialogue were obviously created with Pure Art as a source point. These films are revolutionary and will no doubt be studied as true masterpieces of filmmaking by film students in the future. They are like a 90 minute music video. All I can say, if you can find them - WATCH THEM!

Worst, but most interesting movie yet!

[blackautt · 10/10 · 26 October 2001]

Well what can I say about RB7? I've seen it 7 times, and I still don't get it! Like the other reviews states it's one of THE worst movies ever. But what makes me see it over and over? Perhaps the search for some meaning, or simply because it is SO bad I find it amusing! I.e. a fat, middleaged man wearing kneepads and a blazer, high hat and skiglasses doing tai chi in the middle of the desert?! It's fun, go watch it!

Great Art Film!

[Fist-5 · 5 February 2000]

This is one of the greatest Art Films I have ever seen. Nothing like this has ever been done before or after. It is inspirational and truly pushes the envelope of filmmaking to a new and untouched level.

The composition of cinematography is breathtaking and the editing takes the art to a new height of visual enthrallment.

This film is, admittedly, not for everyone. Many people probably initially watch it to see Scott Shaw do some martial arts -- which is there. But, it is much more than that. It is really more like a 90 minute Music Video than a traditional Action Adventure film. It bombards the senses with a non-stop flow of ever changing sights, sounds, images, and artistic perceptions that most filmmakers are probably afraid to unleash.

The filmmaking team of Jackson/Shaw show that they are true Masters of their craft. This is a true work of art -- for the artist and the true aficionado of Avant-garde cinema.

I knew

[andresundkvist · 10/10 · 17 November 2016]

I knew from a instant this is going to rock my world, well it did. This is a movie that goes deep into the Rollerblade's roots and you will become one with the seven Rollerblade's.

Scott Shawn the maker of the movie is a true genius. Right at the start you see his futuristic mind-blowing thinking as you see him motorbiking and experience the landscape. Its obvious that Scott thought really hard on the clothing of the casts, everyone have a awesome set of Rollerblade's that fits to the 70s clothing.

its mostly based in a deep concrete landscape with some buildings ( as the one were we find Scott in a deep Scene together with a mysterious smiley side-kick in the small tent) We also good the greater fighting scene in the smaller water were we see the ending!

Hilariously awful

[khedges · 4 August 2002]

If I told you anything about this movie, I'd have to steal the Dave Barry line "I am NOT making this up..." It is that ridiculous. If you enjoy laughing at bad movies with your friends, get Rollerblade 7.

Why let those two robots in the front row have all the fun?

i actually felt stupider watching this

[rhean_and_justin · 15 May 2003]

please, if you think this film might be art, have your sanity examined i saw this movie over five years ago and still have nightmares of its awfulness...

the worst movie ive ever seen

[silvaman · 1 December 2001]

this movie just plain sucks. i was 12 when i watched it and back then i could handle almost any movie but i watched this for 25 minutes and just had to turn it off. the acting (and lack of it) was just terrible. it didnt even attempt to give you a clue of whats happening in the film. the action scenes were even worse. sometimes you never get sick of seeing a really good martial arts move but after you've seen one repeated several times consequetively it gets slightly frustrating. this is just one lame movie.