- Martin: Cole, do me a favor.
- Cole: What's up?
- Martin: Remind me to give you an ass-whoopin' later.
- Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
- Martin: Ummm... how 'bout 6:43?
- Cole: I'm busy at 6:43... but I'm free at 6:44 though.
- Martin: Oh, all right. Then at 6:44, I'ma be waitin' on that ass-whoopin'.
- Brother Man: Yeah. I had a dream one time. I was climbin' this fire escape, and I couldn't make it to the top. So I climbed through the window of this fly-ass crib! With a big see-thru 'fridgerater. It was full of sammiches! But... but... I couldn't open the door, Martin! So I just stood there and cried man. Oh yeah! Bruh-Man cried.
- Martin: Brother Man, whatcha doin' here, man?
- Brother Man: Nothin'...
- [pause]
- Brother Man: ...just chillin'.
- [repeated line]
- Jerome: [singing] Uh-uh! Uh-uh-uh! I say Jerome's in da house! I say Jerome's in da hou-oo-ah-oo - In da house!
- Martin: [about Cole's lousy new apartment] Cole, c'mon now! This place is so small, that you gotta go outside to change your mind!
- Mama Payne: Oh don't play dumb with me, Gina! You know damn well what this is about! You got too much head to be stupid! You didn't even invite me to the wedding! I'm still pissed about that... Thin Thighs!
- [At haunted house, a howling sound comes from the background]
- Martin: That's just Pam, letting us know she's all right.
- Pam: This is great. This is really, really, great. I fly all the way here with Harold Muppet and the Blue Notes, and I still can't get out of this marriage.
- Stan Winters: Umm girl, you got fire and spice.
- Sheneneh: Oh you said two keywords. You said I have fire and spice. So stay away fo' I burn yo' ass up!
- Tommy: Sheneneh, you say you're a Christian woman... yet you sit here and you lie to these people. Now you better tell 'em the truth and tell them now!
- Mama Payne: Yo' applehead stole my boy!
- Rev. Love: If I was still living that foul life, I'll get Franklins, but I'm not!
- Martin: Cole, the next time you think about getting another place, I don't wanna hear about it. Don't even call me!