- Dr. Bern: I love the smell of zombies in the morning!
- Dr. Bern: Try not to bleed
- Dr. Bern: [aiming at a zombie with his gun] Make my day!
- Dr. Bern: So them zombies... they don't roll as good as they used too!
- Dr. Bern: Aww, look at 'dis!
- Girlfriend: [the boyfriend is going to go look around outside] I don't know. I wouldn't go out there if I were you.
- Boyfriend: Aw, baby, I got to go out and take a dump anyway!
- Girlfriend: No, don't go. Please. You don't even know what's out there.
- Boyfriend: [holding a gun] You'll be alright. I have to take this gun. It's the only thing that'll kill the odor from my shit.
- Dr. Bern: Stop the machine.
- Doctor: What do you mean, doctor?
- Dr. Bern: Man, just turn off the machine! Don't gimmie no gub!
- Boyfriend: [Walking through the foggy woods] Pretty foggy out here. I wonder if she farted and didn't tell me.
- Dr. Bern: [about to kill Simon whom has become a zombie] Teach you to bleed on my car!
- Dr. Bern: Alright, let's... let's... let's go now. Let's separate... now.
- Boyfriend: [Looking through the woods] If I can just find a nice big fat leaf to wipe my ass with!
- Dr. Bern: [after seeing that Simon disappeared] Told him to go to the bathroom before we got in this thing!
- Dr. Simon: Oh, good morning, Dr. Bern!
- Dr. Bern: Mornin', Dr. Simon. Wassup?