It was a flip of the coin if I'd watch 'Tooth Fairy' or this tonight, and fate saw to it that 'Suburban Commando' was it.
The Rock and his 4x4 were okay in that casino movie, but the baddy in that was miscast and not convincing. 'Faster' showed a more aggressive, no-nonsense Dwayne Johnson, but the ending was kind of unusual with that religious carnival tent, if I recall.
I'm sitting here trying to think if Hulk Hogan was ever part of the Wolfpack in that TNA wrestling.
Straight away, 'Suburban Commando' is in my bad books, as it's plainly obvious that it's ripping off everything 'A New Hope' does in the first 10 minutes.
And I thought Abrams was transparent. This is worse.
The intro, the ships arriving, Hulk Hogan arriving like Vader. They even rubber stamp the plagiarism with the trash compactor chute part, where Leia goes down with the Dianoga. And am I hearing the John Williams score also?
Hogan just jettisoned the escape pod, only to be tractor-beamed to his own ship.
Landing in suburbia LA somewhere, Hogan steps out dressed like a 70s Afrika Bambaataa member, thinking he's that goldfish boot-wearing hip cat from 'I'm Gonna Git You Sucka.'
He's a visitor from out of space on a 6-week sabbatical from space duties. Why does he look like a human if he's from another planet? That's the same as Predator - why does he have all human attributes as well if he's alien?
Doc Emmett Brown works in a dead-end job and looks like John Arbuckle's father. If I'm not mistaken, this avenue Brown's family lives on looks eerily similar to the tree-lined one from 'Back to the Future.'
I think by now, in his so-called acting career, Hogan was well aware that he couldn't act for peanuts, and the director knew that Christopher Lloyd was the power source for this movie's generator. They're using Lloyd's power supply because he had clout as Doc Emmett Brown in those successful time travel movies to cover for Hogan's limp lack of appeal.
But he seems a bit lackluster in this, and it's largely thanks to having to carry everybody else co-starring, which is ball and chaining him down and draining his performance.
The others aren't carrying their weight, leaving Lloyd to do all the heavy lifting.
"Must be a K76 force field." I remember this scene when we watched it on VHS back when our video remote still had a connector cord.
So, Hogan lands on Earth with no rhyme or reason, and he just jumps from one scenario to another like a skit show just to showcase him beating up goons in tricky situations. Where'd he get the currency to pay for the boarding room?
I can't let it slide, but any respect I had for Wendy Torrance is thrown out the window after seeing her struggle with what they gave her to work with in this. How could you lower yourself, lady?
Doc Emmett Brown fiddles with some of Hogan's space equipment, or junk to the layman, and that sets off a transponder and gives up Hogan's coordinates and location. No sooner are two bounty hunters from 'I Come In Peace' on the trail.
Okay, the exploding cantaloup scene with the old lady was amusing, so including the K76 forcefield scene and this fruit scene, the movie's up two points on my rating. That's better than my 'Santa With Muscles' generosity.
This low-budget attempt at entertainment is kind of exposing Christopher Lloyd as a not-so-hot actor after all. He's not exactly setting the scenes on fire. If Christopher Lloyd is failing to ignite some sort of spark in this, then who can? What, Hogan?
His acting comes across like he's using a stunt double molded from Madame Tussauds, not to mention he's playing second fiddle to Lloyd, but then Lloyd's overwhelmed by Hogan's hulking presence, which is creating a paradox.
"Have a nice flight, camel breath." That's schoolyard trash talk. I guess if this movie can occupy five-year-olds for an hour and thirty minutes, then it succeeds in what it's aiming for.
The problem with Hogan starring in movies is that he's not star material and can't hold his own as a lead for a full-length feature. His cameo in 'Rocky 3' is fine, and that's the extent of his acting abilities. A bit player.
Kramer from 'Seinfeld' proved this as he tried to break away with his solo, 'Michael Richards Show', which was canned after a handful of episodes.
Is Hulk Hogan fighting Gillman at the end of the movie the high point of 'Suburban Commando?'
Hulk Hogan's acting career kind of reminds me of that "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" song. In his own mind, he thinks he's the dopest trip.
Hogan's ego got in the way of his ability to visualize, and he was blinded by his own ignorance in thinking he'd be the next Arnold. But no one's game enough to tell him otherwise. Who planted the idea in Hogan's head that he could cut it in the industry? So, he got a taste of acting in 1982 and thought that small role qualified him as a major actor?
What was he in that was actually good?
He didn't exactly light up Rick Derringer's music video by strumming that guitar like a robot.
I don't want to see Hulk Hogan on my TV ever again.
King Kong Bundy was a thousand times better actor in 'The Wanderers.'
0 out of 0 found this helpful.
Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
