Edward Penishands (1991 Video) User Reviews

Edward Penishands Meets the Beef Curtain Crew

[ElijahCSkuggs · 6/10 · 5 March 2008]

On a whim one day, my friends and I decided to hit up our local porn store. And while breezing through the boob filled isles, I came upon a number of incredibly unique and smile-inducing movie titles. To name a couple there was the Ultimate F@cking Championship (Ultimate Fighting Championship) and The Fanny (The Nanny). Unfortunately this was probably over five years ago, so I'm forgetting a bunch of the other good ones. But there is another I'll never forget. Yep, Edward Penishands. Again unfortunately I was more in the mood for some serious straight laced porn, so I picked up New Wave Hookers 7 instead. I'd be a liar if I said not buying Edward Penishands that day is not one of the biggest mistakes I've made in my entire life. But low and behold, the Gods have smiled upon me and have shown me the way. Just a day ago, I witnessed the porn spoof known as Edward Penishands. No, I didn't go back to that porn store. That place was closed down due to having guest porn-stars giving out favors to fans.

Edward Penishands like I said, has held a very close and perverted place to my heart for a while now. But unfortunately, and I say this with a sad heart, the movie almost failed me. I'm not even close to being an avid porn-watcher. Hell, I wouldn't even call myself a fan of porn. But I am a fan of the different and bizarre, hence my love for Edward Penishands. So myself having lots of anticipation to see this film may have ruined this flick for me. I forgot, idiotically, that most porns skimp on the story/funny and just throw in sex whenever they possibly can. I hoped for more of a spoof with more memorable scenes being acted-out in a sexy, pervy way. They did act out a few scenes which was nice, like the snow scene in the original. But it was just too "porny" for my tastes. Hell, after he uses his penishands initially, you're never really surprised or intrigued again. So the movie at only a little over an hour, seemed to get repetitive. Another thing, the chicks in the movie, not so appealing. Unless you're a fan of loose pink tacos, then you may be turned off a little bit. Me, I hate ugly vaginas, and this flick had a couple nasty ones. The lead actress who plays the mother had a pretty nice dumper though.

Even though Edward Penishands didn't completely come through for me, I still enjoyed the movie enough to keep on recommending it. How can you stop? Just the name Edward Penishands is gold material. Also the guy who played Mr. Penishands, I think Nikki Sixxx, did a decent job. He looked the part and played it well enough as well. Edward Penishands could be one of the best porno spoofs ever made, but I wouldn't know. But I can say, if you're into porn or just bizarre flicks, I'd say this should be on your must-see list. Just keep your expectations on the lower side you may come out really enjoying this flick.

Good Parody Porn

[ninjaalexs · 6/10 · 20 January 2007]

No prizes for guessing that Edward Penishands parodies the iconic Tim Burton film, Edward Scissorhands. The plot's wafer-thin but does spoof some scenes from the Tim Burton film to good effect. The dinner table/eating scene is very funny. The facial expressions of Sikki Nixx (as Penishands) are spot-on and spoof the character well.

In between the sex scenes with Penishands are sex scenes with other characters. These scenes seem to be there to pad the film out to give it a longer running time. All the sex scenes in the film are good but some seem to go on for too long. Another disappointing factor of the film is it was shot on video and unfortunately some shots appear too bright or washed-out. The cinematography is of a high standard featuring varied camera angles throughout. The film appears to be filmed in a studio and some sets appear spartan (e.g. the living room). This detracts from the realism as it is noticeable.

What lets Edward Penishands down is the fact that the 'hands' are obviously fake. Despite the hands having the ability of pleasuring women we know he can't get pleasure from it as such, which shatters the illusion. However, as a saving grace the hands do 'squirt'. There were a number of other prosthetic sex films made and this is one of the more famous ones. This is worth seeing though, if only for the novelty value.

Oddly weird and fun porn parody.

[b_kite · 4/10 · 2 August 2022]

It may look and sound like crap, but you can do a lot worse when it comes to hardcore porn parodies. The WTF factor alone is enough to check this out.

Mildly clever parody...

[Gislef · 9/10 · 21 October 1999]

It's a slight notch above most such movies. It actually looks like they spent a bit of money on the title character's special effects - the kind of thing you wouldn't mind taking to a adult-only Halloween party. There's also plenty of hard-core sex, meaning the plot is marginal. But it's actually mildly funny as a parody, which is more than you can say about such "ripoff" XXX movies. Not that I've seen a lot of them, you understand, but so I've heard... :)

I'm gay

[ghandinotsenpai · 10/10 · 6 April 2017]

Add 59 to my rating, and you'll find out how many times I fell slipping on my own juices to this movie. I came across this movie while trying to find something to spice up my sex life with my wife of 69 years. You see, many years ago, when I fell for my wife, I was unfortunately standing on a stepladder, and shattered my penis. I made makeshift phallic appendages out of silicone and duct tape in a dying effort to revive myself and my wife's sex life, but I had no idea where to attach them - that is, until I watched this film. Now I fist my wife on the daily, thanks Mr. Penis Hands! You're a real pal. I give this excellent film two penises up!