The Boneyard (1991) User Reviews

Uh-Huh-huh Uh-huh-huh...poop.

[ElijahCSkuggs · 7/10 · 21 January 2009]

Back in the day, during the VHS rental period, when you could walk down isle after isle, genre after genre, seeing all types of unknown flicks, you'd always happen to walk by one more than the other. Or just notice one a tad more than the others because of the ridiculous covers. The Boneyard happened to be one of these movies for me. And it took me over a decade to finally see the evil, grinning poodle movie. Well, that was my impression anyways.

The Boneyard revolves around a psychic woman, a charismatic detective and his wet-behind the ears partner who team up with a morgue crew to stop some ancient supernatural evil......demons. To stop demons.

The Boneyard more or less succeeds in a being a pretty good horror flick. With surprisingly good music (which you should notice right away), some over-the-top acting which makes you smile more than roll your eyes, and some very fun make-up effects. Though, The Boneyard does have problems taking itself serious during emotional scenes, and the tension builders take too long and eventually grow tiresome instead of frightening. I also would have appreciated a little more violence/gore. But no biggie it seemed they spent most of their cash on the make-up effects which were definitely cool.

Another thing this movie has going for it is the hero. Or should I say, heroine. I'm actually one who is very much annoyed by all the horror flicks these days that are riddled with skinny, gorgeous women who by bullsh!t chance survive the unbelievable. In the Boneyard it's a tad different, even though our main character is a woman, she's a very overweight and average looking woman. It worked, it was unique, funny and it's something I really appreciated seeing.

With The Boneyard delivering some fun running around, some cool effects and a nice score it made for a pretty enjoyable 90 minutes. Definitely give it a look if you're looking for a clear-your-mind and enjoy type horror flick. Oh, being a big fan of horror movies would suit you well.

Odd and entertaining comedy/horror

[capkronos · 7/10 · 5 May 2003]

Detective Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and his dimwit partner Gordon (Jim Eustermann) coax troubled 300 lb. psychic Alley Oates (Deborah Rose) out of retirement when a series of unexplained homicides start adding up. Clues lead the trio to a mortuary one night where the dead bodies of three Asian children are resurrected into slime-spewing ghouls who trap the principal characters in the basement and go on a gory killing/possession spree.

After a slowwwww start (and a "huh?" flashback that is SUPPOSED to explain things), this really picks up and becomes a nifty little horror comedy with a good sense of humor, attempts at characterization and some surprisingly cool comic book-style FX (like a giant mutant poodle!). Good supporting roles for veteran character actors Nelson, Norman Fell (as a mortician with a ponytail) and Phyllis Diller (as the cranky night desk clerk who transforms into a creature that will make your eyes pop out of your head!). The director also scripted and did the FX for this fun feature.

Hanging out in the morgue... with the dead. The undead!?

[lost-in-limbo · 6/10 · 29 December 2018]

Somewhat a forgotten kooky 90s zombie low-budget horror film that seems loosely inspired, tonally and set-up wise at least, by Return of the Living Dead. Slow to get going, real slow and mainly set in the one location; the graveyard shift at a mortuary on its last legs. However during the slow first half of nonsensical story exposition, and drawn out character exchanges. I actually found the character banter (by a stellar cast) rather amusing, especially Phyllis Diller's bark (which could be more ferocious than her poodle) and Ed Nelson's deadpan reactions to keep you engaged before the ludcrious thrills and ghoulish FX finally breaks out. And when it does, it doesn't disappoint.

Trapped inside with creepy rotting, and gooey zombie kids (from an age-old curse) munching away on corpses that suddenly turns into some wild, and goofy mutated monster fun. Maybe at times low-scale in its excitement and gets you wanting more than what's presented by rushing through the mayhem, but the imagery (FX I mean) is indeed a sight to behold... permed muscle-bound monster poodle anyone?

P.s. Diller's stunt double diving over a table in a grey wig won't be fooling anybody... that moment made me chuckle.

If you like B horrors, this is classic.

[jamison_hult4646 · 5 August 2004]

You gotta love this flick. I found this movie on the "under 10 bucks" shelf at my local Suncoast Video. Just seeing the cover with the Evil demonic looking poodle was enough to claim it, after all I am one of many who love these types of movies. I mean, c'mon.....Phyllis Diller, Norman Fell!!?? , teaming up with a bunch of no names actors in a small town, in some rinky dink morgue, fighting undead children and event- ually a giant, insane, demonic pooch? This is f***ing great! It just does'nt get any better than this in the B movie world folks! This is Grade A, b horror material. So typical, I mean who would ever THINK we would see Phillis Diller and Mr. Roper together in this cheesefest? One time popular actors resorting to making low budget horror at at the end of there dwindiling careers...again, SO TYPICAL.The movie was good, remedial acting, good make up and special effects, and at some points, really creepy (those freaky zombie kids). The plot was absoloutly rid- iculous as well. All together GOOD GORE, GOOD FUN, GOOD FLICK. A must see for B horror buffs!

horror channel

[MrEETFUK · 6/10 · 26 February 2005]

I caught this movie very late one night on the horror channel (which I usually avoid due to the poor selection of movies they show) and I was pleasantly surprised. The zombie children are quite well done and the acting was OK (better than most of this kind of thing).

But I feel the movie leans more towards the Peter Jackson (although I must point out that this movie was released a year before bad taste was) way of doing A zombie flick rather than George A Romeros wonderful masterpieces. Not that this is a bad thing just different.

The effects are up to a point quite effective in my opinion but when it comes to what I suppose to be the big effects near the end of the movie are a bit of a letdown.

overall well worth a look but don't expect perfection

Phyllis Diller??? Why am I hearing about this NOW?

[demonllama42 · 6/10 · 4 November 2023]

Ghoulsih horror-comedy with an interesting take on the cop/psychic dynamics, as well as various other aspects brought to the table.

Deborah Rose as Alley Oates does a great job, bringing depth to her character & brevity. She does a good job being the reluctant psychic, but also the most grounded person.

The creature effects are pretty great, and add its own flair to the story.

Also, the music is better than it deserves to be.

My only complaint is the audio mixing. When there's "no sound" - the static levels are way too high.

Other than that, this movie is fun and you can tell they had a fun time making it.

Bonehead-horror.

[Coventry · 3/10 · 22 November 2006]

"The Boneyard" appears to be a guilty pleasure of many people around here, but I certainly can't write too many positive things about it. This is just another cheap B-movie put together by a guy who got himself noticed in the early 80's by providing the special effects for some decent films ("House", "Strange Invaders") and therefore assumed he'd be good in directing his very own movie as well. There's a fair amount of gruesome make-up effects to be found in this film, but there's no story and the comedy elements just downright suck. By now, I'm pretty sure you've already heard about the stupid poodle that transforms into a gigantic zombie-monster during the finale? Well, this particular gimmick is why so many horror freaks like the film. The oddly named Miss Poopinplatz (Phyllis Diller) and her dog are the nightly caretakers of a little town mortuary where the horribly decomposing bodies of three children are kept. Police detective Jersey Callum and spiritual medium Alley Cates investigating the case and they're in the mortuary when suddenly the dead youngster rise from the autopsy table and go on a rampage. The kids are creepy and good ol' Phyllis has some cool one-liners, but the majority of the film is lame and disappointing. The "zombies" (supposedly ancient Chinese monster-kids without background) never leave the basement of the mortuary and they don't even kill that many people! James Cummins' directing is uninspired and his script is even worse, as it doesn't have the least bit of continuity. Avoid, unless of course you fancy giant zombified poodles.

Awesome Special Effects

[karenevers-49804 · 7/10 · 29 December 2019]

Who'd have thought this little known, little seen 80's horror flick would have turned out to be such a fun time? It gets off to a slow, exposition-heavy start that can get a little confusing for the first 25/30 minutes, but once all the main players are assembled in the film's main location (a mostly deserted hospital morgue at night), things start perking up as bodies in the morgue just won't stay dead and begin terrorizing our leads.

There's some refreshing about seeing a mostly older cast in a film of this type including Three's Company's Norman Fell and Phyllis Diller, who seems to be having the time of her life playing the spunky morgue receptionist. Even cooler, the heroine of the film is an overweight middle aged woman. You won't find that in your average Blumhouse movie, will you?

The practical effects are astounding, especially considering the budget.

A borefest, instead of a gorefest.

[Boba_Fett1138 · 3/10 · 25 March 2011]

Of course I wasn't expecting much good from this movie but I still didn't expected it to be as horrible as it turned out to be.

Basically everything about this movie disappoints. It's an obvious cheaply made and fast put together, that fails to impress or even entertain. You would at least expect from a zombie movie that it's being somewhat remotely entertaining and features some decent gore as well. But no, for the fans of the genre there are hardly any redeeming qualities in this movie.

It's not really a movie in which an awful lot is happening. It's one of those horror movies that is being set at mostly just one location (for budget reasons obviously) and you're constantly waiting for the movie to finally start to take off. It's not because of the lacking script that not anything or interesting is ever happening but also really due to the lacking directing from debuting James Cummins. This guy doesn't know when to say 'cut' it seems. Some sequences needlessly drag on and take away any of the movie its effects that it potentially still could have had.

I started to loose interest in this movie really fast. It also didn't had any really compelling or interesting character in it, that you could feel for. Not even the zombie/horror moments could spice up things, mainly because there were far too few moments like that and half of the time I couldn't even understand what was happening on the screen. I also still don't understand what its story was all about and how some of the corpses came back to live but perhaps I simply wasn't paying attention enough, since the movie failed to keep me interested.

What makes the movie all the more annoying and bad to watch is its acting. The movie stars a whole bunch of people that only starred in an handful of movies and never made it big time, with the exception of some of the supporting characters. Of course a lot of their lacking acting performances can be brought back to its bad writing but I also doubt a the same time they would had pulled things off any better with a different script.

But if I have to mention one good things about this movie I would be the puppets. I liked that they mostly went with this approach, rather than using just make-up effects. Puppets can often be creepy looking, far more so than any make-up or computer effects can ever achieve.

A movie that really isn't worth your time.

3/10

http://bobafett1138.blogspot.com/

Fun and made with love!

[markovd111 · 7/10 · 2 August 2021]

"The Boneyard" is a movie filmed on a low budget and today almost forgotten and hard to find. But it sure is worth to find, at least for a horror movie veteran, because you will get an uniquely warm horror/comedy movie worth the watch. It has a cast of lovable characters, a main character played by a big woman (a nice change from the usual skinny final girl) and a lot of charm. Sure, it won't scare you and it has it's flaws, but it's so clearly made with love and care that I enjoyed almost every second of it. It just has that comfy feeling like you are watching a family TV series or something else from your childhood and you just have to love it! I give it 7/10 and recommend it to everyone, but good luck finding it!

Breathtakingly dull

[Mr. OpEd · 1/10 · 27 September 2014]

I was almost an hour in and gave up. This is without a doubt one of the dullest, unnecessarily loquacious, poorly edited, and cripplingly paced movies I've seen in any genre, let alone horror/comedy. If it got better, I didn't care.

There is only one good scene in the first half, and that is when Alley encounters the dead child. That's it.

The score by John Lee Whitener is pretty good, despite the already clichéd delay-fall-away sounds. Either he vowed to never work on another film after this or changed his name.

So, in sum, not remotely funny, not remotely scary...reach for the remote.

Im sorry to say I like this movie...

[stormruston · 8/10 · 26 March 2003]

This movie cracked me up,for ten minuites it seems like a "straight" horror,then wham!!!! really really stupid stuff,like green puke and cool gore.

I loved phylis diller in this,its her best role ever.The poodle was very cool too.

Do not take this movie seriously,this is for fans of "the living dead" type.

Phyllis Diller In A Zombie Movie, What's Not To Love?

[ladymidath · 7/10 · 2 January 2024]

This is one my favourite B horror movies. It has a great cast with likable characters and some terrific effects

.Deborah Rose as Alley Oates, a depressed psychic is assisting Jersey Callum played by Ed Nelson in a child murder case.

This leads to child zombies and a giant zombie poodle.

Trust me, a zombie Phyllis Diller has to be seen to be believed.

This is a fun movie that does have some great scenes, a solid special effects and a pretty good ending. There is plenty of cheese and gore to be had.

This is a movie that while showing its age a bit, is still a great watch.

Rose did a terrific job as the psychic who is clearly struggling with the gift that she has. I liked that they gave the character a believability that made her so much interesting.

This is one I would definitely recommend.

Nowhere near as much fun as a film featuring a massive mutated mutt should be.

[BA_Harrison · 3/10 · 3 July 2022]

Goofy early-'90s horror The Boneyard is best remembered for the giant zombie poodle in the final act; in fact, I would hazard a guess that this is the ONLY thing that most people remember about the film, the rest being fairly mundane nonsense.

The first half of the movie is certainly forgettable: nothing of any interest happens. A pair of cops - experienced detective Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and rookie Gordon Mullin (James Eustermann - talk obese, sour-faced psychic Alley Oates (Deborah Rose) into helping them solve a case involving a Chinese man, three dead children and an ancient curse. The three arrive at the local police morgue to investigate, where they are met by grouchy Miss Poopinplatz (Phyllis Diller), owner of snappy poodle Floofsoms (a standout performance by Binny). All of this is so badly written and confusingly directed that trying to follow the story is wasted effort.

The second half wisely dispenses with any further attempts at plot development, the three dead kids coming to life to cause havoc for the remainder of the film (what causes them to rise from the dead isn't clear - I'm guessing it's curse related). This trio of admittedly creepy looking kiddie corpses kill off some secondary characters, and then set their sights on the cops, the psychic, a mortician, and young suicide victim Dana (Denise Young ) who mysteriously comes to life as she is about to be sliced up on the slab (not curse related - she just wakes up. Do I hear 'lawsuit'?). Luckily for the protagonists, an evidence store-room provides them with a machine-gun and pipe-bombs for fighting back against the undead.

Director James Cummins began his movie career in special effects, which is why he seems more interested in his monsters than in a coherent narrative, atmosphere or tension. In addition to the unsettling zombie children (who are worthy of a far better film), his creations include a monstrous killer Phyllis Diller (after her character is force-fed zombie skin) and the film's demented dog (after Floofsums slurps up some slime). If stupid looking animatronics and a hand-puppet poodle monster are what you're after, The Boneyard certainly delivers, but I can't say I was very impressed enough by either to forgive the lifeless direction, weak script and terrible pacing.

3/10.

Alright.

[NewSilver21-1 · 10 April 2002]

A great B-horror flick if I may add first of all. This movie stands on it's own ground as slick, original, and creepy. The acting could be a little better, and there could have been more violence but overall this movie is a sure classic.

The writter/director of the movie (James Cummins) is not bad at his work. But if you purchase this movie on DVD and listen to the Audio Commentary or the Exclusive Interview you will hear James Cummins say "And um....." about a hundred times.

I haven't seen any copies out there for rental but if you do see it, rent it. A great midnight movie for everyone. 7/10 stars.

Really lame.

[HumanoidOfFlesh · 3/10 · 10 January 2002]

The cover of this one looked very promising,so I decided to give it a try.What a let down!After reading some reviews here I expected truly scary gore-fest."The Boneyard" isn't creepy as hell,it's just boring and silly.Admittedly the make up of three dead children is excellent,but a giant mutant poodle is really pathetic.Not a great deal of gore either.I would recommend this only to the most diehard horror fans.

Zombie poodle!

[Tikkin · 5/10 · 22 April 2006]

The Boneyard starts off very boring and for most of the first half it is. I was starting to think "I've picked a bore-fest again!", but the pace picks up in the second half and climaxes with the "zombie poodle" finale. The Boneyrad is really just an average zombie flick, the poodle being the exception. Without it, this film would have been long forgotten. The idea behind it is OK but it lacks gore and the first half is tedious. The sub-plot concerning the woman who lost her child is done terribly - you should be feeling some sort of emotion, but she's such a lifeless actress you feel nothing.

The only thing worth seeing is the zombie poodle. There's one hilarious scene where the main character (the lifeless one) throws dynamite for it to "fetch", resulting in a poodle-explosion. It's up to you if you want to see this - but I would recommend fast forwarding to the second half and starting from there.

Unimpressive

[saint_brett · 2/10 · 18 October 2022]

The opening score has an 'Empire Strikes Back,' with a pinch of the 'Exorcist,' about it.

Inspector Gadget arrives at the Myers house as leaves fall on this house but not across the road.

With no search warrant, Gadget and Rick Astley, enter the premise under the impression that nothing occurred here a day ago.

They're just a couple of busybodies who are not dressed like cops.

A pillow fight ensues as Bull Hurley's mother steps out of the shadows and smacks David Caruso around.

Like Castlevania 2, some dirt bag is placing Dracula's bones around town so Gadget and Astley seek the services of former psychic turned slob - Crazy Fat Ethel.

She sits around contemplating the proposal while sniffing dead baby bibs - say that three times fast - and fantasizes about dead children. Which is perverse in itself.

Looks like Ten Ton Tess is the star of this movie?

Matlock, dressed like Columbo, and Ethel Mormon waste 20-minutes of this film in a lobby trying to showcase archaic acting skills, learnt from the 40's, which doesn't gel with this late 80's/early 90's production. It's like they're trying to outdo each other and thinking their importance is better and more important than the storyline, which this movie lacks. Neither is funny and it's pathetic watching and hearing their lines fall flat. (They both must have been stars from some robotic 'McHale's Navy-type' baloney from back in the day?)

If this is trying to be humorous, with light comedy, I'm not laughing.

I think what they were going for, with this lame attempt, was something similar to 'The Return of The Living Dead' and that kind of slapstick dumb humor?

Trapped inside a morgue, a handful of unfunny actors, try their best to be funny as three dead zombie children, and an Iron Maiden record cover beast, trounce around the place mixing comedy & horror, which hasn't sat well with me from day one.

The problem with this crap is that everybody has been miscast. Why would the lead actress resemble John Candy in drag?

It's like there's some missing link in this crap as there's no storyline. Did they forget to film a certain scene at the start, which confuses the viewer as a result? It's a muddled mess. One has to decipher for themselves what the weak storyline is. Did I read the play right that there's some Japanese link about a voodoo ritual and um, a gambling Asian man who done his entire children's trust fund in one fell swoop at the sportsbook in Vegas? And now the children are back from the grave as a consequence of their father's action and seek compensation? Um.

At the end some big poodle morphs into a giant and it looks like my dead Nana.

After blowing the giant dog's head off with a pipe bomb everyone breathes hard like they've reached orgasm that they've killed a mammoth dog and it's satisfying.

Talk about a big boss.

I'll give this movie 2/10.

1 point for the comfortable inviting start which set the mood. But unfortunately, after that scene it went off the rail and the rest of the movie was camped inside this one building which stifled what could have been.

2 points for the big dog which was different but short-lived. It had potential but didn't really do anything. (Same as the Iron Maiden 'House' monster that just stood there and achieved little.)

It's unusual that back in the 80's this movie worked but today, in 2022, it doesn't.

Creepy as hell, yet funny and sad, definitely worth a watch!

[miserychastain2 · 8/10 · 1 September 2001]

Upon seeing the video/dvd box, you may brush this off as a silly Z-grade horror flick, seeing as the picture is that of a giant mutated poodle. HOWEVER, this film at times is downright frightening, with just enough laughs and a bit of drama to keep it totally interesting. The movie is worth renting alone just to see Phyllis Diller as the morgue attendant, Miss Poopinplatz. This is the only film in her career that she wears her own hair and not a wig. Her one liners are priceless. You will also see Ed Nelson and Norman Fell. Not your usual horror film cast, but it works. The story centers on a 400 pound female psychic, disheartened by the way her life is and a cop who has befriended her in the past and needs her help again. The scene where she "remembers" a dead child she helped find is truly scary, yet touching. The 3 dead children (whom she is enlisted to get a feeling for) are absolutely terrifying. The special effects/makeup team deserve applause for their work. They will make you shudder. But for all the scares, there is enough cheesy-ness to lighten the pace, such as the poodle, and the fact that as they are running up a ladder in the roof of the morgue to escape the poodle, our "heroine" cannot get all the way up because her butt is too big to fit through and she has to go back and face the poodle! Lots of gore and gross-ness too. The DVD is a collectors edition and loaded with extra features!! This is a horror film well worth the watch.

Comedy greats match wits with zombie poodles

[funkyfry · 3/10 · 4 October 2002]

A very poor horror movie whose entire entertainment value lies in watching Phyllis Diller puke up green goo after being forced to eat zombie flesh. I happen to like this sort of thing, but a great film it does not make. Fell also briefly appears and is quickly dispatched (one must assume they only had each actor for a week or something). Poor music, poor direction, but a fast pace and exciting story make the time go by fast.

Starts Off Poorly But Picks Up

[Michael_Elliott · 6 July 2018]

The Boneyard (1991)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

A couple cops and a psychic investigate the murder of three children. Their investigation leads them to the coroner's office where they quickly learn that the children are in fact zombies and soon everyone is trapped inside the building with them.

THE BONEYARD is your typcial low-budget horror film from the 90s that really doesn't have much originality to it and in fact it really doesn't have too much good about it. You've got a couple former stars thrown into the cast, some decent special effects but there's no question that a lot of the running time doesn't have too much going on.

I say that because the first forty-two minutes of the movie has the two detectives and the psychic doing nothing but talking. At first I was wondering if I was watching another movie because for a horror movie there's certainly nothing going on for the longest time. Once the zombie children show up things do pick up a bit and one can't help but wonder why they waited so long. Everyone knows that "something" needs to happen every ten-minutes so making us wait over forty was just a major mistake.

The zombie children actually look very good and for the most part the special effects were better than I expected and that's especially true for a couple "large" creatures that show up towards the end. The performances are pretty much what you would expect as they range from decent to poor. Norman Fell and Phyllis Diller are on hand and Ed Nelson was also good in the lead.

THE BONEYARD should have and could have been much better but it gets off to such a slow and bad start that the film never fully recovers.

Story good, execution so-so, pacing off

[zomboscloset · 4/10 · 19 May 2006]

The Boneyard is an odd, uneven mix from director and writer, James Cummins. There are elements to the script, however, that make it an interesting and almost creepy story, but poor pacing, monotonous dialog scenes, and somewhat laughable special effects get in the way.

The original idea, to take a world-weary, burned-out and overweight psychic investigator, toss in a background story about child demons that spend most of their time devouring anything that moves, and mix them together in an understaffed, and soon to be closed coroner's building late one night, would seem to be a solid one, and one ripe with horrific possibilities suitable for any gore-hound or horror-head. But...by the time we get to the demonized and giganticized poodle terrorizing everyone toward the end, well, you can see where best intentions may have gone astray.

The film opens with a drawn-out scene wherein our two stalwart detectives, well-played by Ed Nelson and James Eusterman, enter the psychic's house (Alley, played with little energy by Deborah Rose) looking for her help on a baffling case involving a mortician and what appear to be three dead children. After trying to convince her to help them, they leave, and later that night, she has a disturbing psychic vision involving a very putrescent little girl with lots of long, stringy blond hair-- it always amazes me how the hair never seems to be affected in these films--that wants very much to hug her and thank her for her help in a previous case. Since this promising and effective scene has nothing to do with the story per se, except to change Alley's mind about helping the detectives, it seems out of place.

Back in the police station, Alley and the detectives listen to the interrogation of the mortician, and hear how the mortician's family has, for three centuries, kept the three child-sized demons he refers to as Kyonshi, from devouring living people by feeding them body parts garnered from the funeral home's attendees.

The coroner's building is where the story kicks into gear with veteran performers Phyllis Diller and Norman Fell, but not before we are subjected to a confusing flashback experienced by Alley, and an interminable dialog sequence between the two detectives where nothing happens. Show me, don't tell me, and if you must tell me, at least make it interesting. Luckily, the script is included as an extra on the DVD, and reading the flashback scene explained how the family tried to resurrect their children three hundred years ago with disastrous results. But how the dialog sequence was kept in still eludes me. It reads just as boringly as it was to watch, and provided nothing to further the story along. Alley snaps back from the flashback into a a vision of the three little demons awakening downstairs in the morgue, putting the detectives and morgue attendants in imminent danger. Due to poor direction, little tension is generated as Alley hurriedly makes her way downstairs to warn them.

The scene she comes upon, with dead bodies strewn everywhere, gobs of blood across the floor, and the little hellions eating away (especially one gustily attacking an open rib-cage) is suddenly gory, horrific and exciting.

Yummy, don't you think? A great scene that stands out in an otherwise so-so endeavor. Its very gruesomeness is a sudden and unexpected jolt that brings us back to the story. Mayhem ensues as the survivors try to escape the onslaught. They trap and kill one little bugger, but he manages to stuff part of his skin down Poopinplatz's throat (yes, that's the name of Phyllis Diller's character). She, of course, turns into a very tall and pop-eyed puppet demon, that really needed more money and better lighting. But we admire the effort.

More mayhem as they dispatch the tall, pop-eyed demon puppet. But then Floosoms, Poopinplatz's dog (yes, you read it right), licks up some deliciously bubbling yellow ichor oozing from a dispatched demon, and, of course, turns into the man-in-a-suit Floosoms' demon. One of the characters even lets out a laugh upon seeing the poodle demon, which I grant you, is a difficult subject to make horrific. Perhaps the director was anticipating the audience resistance to the concept, and had this character reflect our own disbelief.

In the midst of all this carnage, once again the story stops to allow a dialog exchange between two characters that does nothing to move the story along. Instead, we hear whys and wherefores, and the action grinds to a halt as we get unneeded background information. Alley and Floosoms finally square off, and the ending contains no sequelization-antics to spoil it.

Giant zombie poodle!

[Stevieboy666 · 5/10 · 28 April 2018]

Two detectives and a psychic investigating a series of murders visit a morgue at night - known as The Boneyard - only to become embroiled in a fight for their lives as the dead return to life... Having previously seen the trailer I assumed this straight to video movie to be a comedy but surprisingly much of it is played straight, and there are some pretty genuine scares, in particular when three dead children rise from the dead. However, the appearance of a giant zombie poodle in the last quarter certainly throws it towards humour. Acting is generally reasonable, as are the effects though the zombie poodle and it's owner, Miss Poopinplatz, are deliberately OTT & goofy. My two problems with this film are firstly that it takes a while to get going & is too long. And secondly it starts straight but descends into farce, I just found that it was not particularly handled well. Overall a reasonably entertaining b-movie, best accompanied with alcohol!

Fun

[BandSAboutMovies · 4/10 · 5 August 2023]

Alley Oates (Deborah Rose) and detective Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and Gordon Mullin (James Eustermann are trying to find the killer in a horrifying child murder case when a tip leads them to the mortuary of the prime suspect, Chen (Robert Yun Ju Ahn). They find three mummified corpses that he claims are demons called kyoshi that can only be sated with the taste of human flesh, something he's been feeding them as part of his mortician career. Once he's arrested, the demons start looking for their own food, locking everyone inside the mortuary and possessing the coroner's secretary, Mrs. Poopinplatz (Phyllis Diller), as well as her poodle Floofsoms - played by Binnie, who was also in The Man With Two Brains, Ruthless People and most famously appeared as Gonk in Elvira: Mistress of the Dark - transforming her and it into the creatures that you remember from the VHS box art.

Also: Norman Fell with a ponytail, conducting an autopsy on a suicide case named Dana (Denise Young) who suddenly wakes up screaming. If that's not crazy enough, Fell was the third choice for the role behind Alice Cooper and Warren Zevon.

Directed and written by James Cummins, who took his special effects skills and added in make-up effects from Bill Corso to go wild. Cummins did the effects on House and this aims to outdo that one. This is an unconventional film, one in which the heroine has to overcome the trauma of losing her child and having ovarian cancer, all while not being the typical expective young female lead.

I've stared at the box art for this movie for years and somehow never watched it. I'm glad that I finally did, as while the start of the story is a slow burn, it eventually remembers that it's a VHS rental movie, a popcorn horror film that should do all it can to make you laugh and scream out loud.

A blissfully bonkers, delightfully deviant, eyeball-poppingly eerie celluloid cult classic

[Weirdling_Wolf · 8/10 · 22 December 2020]

'The Boneyard' is arguably one of the more indelibly strange examples of gruesomely FX-laden monster movies spawned in the slimy wake of 80s horror 'slay-day'. The twisted-brainchild of sassy director/special FX wizard, James Cummins remains an eccentric, fiendishly funny, spectacularly kooky, karo syrup-soaked splatter-fest. 'The Boneyard' mischievously mines the same hilariously histrionic horror territory as, Peter Jackson's legendary 'Braindead' and, Brian Yuzna's shunt-fest 'Society'. An outrageous, blissfully bonkers, delightfully deviant, eyeball-poppingly eerie celluloid cult classic which is no less demented today than when it was first conceived!

A weary, 'seen-it-all' cop (Ed Nelson), his carrot-topped, rookie partner (James Eusterman) and a depressed, burnt-out psychic (Deborah Rose) fatefully unearth the grim truth behind appalling torture/murder of three children. Their supernaturally twisted, stomach-churningly macabre discovery bloodily heralds a breathlessly unrestrained terror tumult of ever-increasing dementia.'The Bone Yard' culminates gorily in an exhilarating, ferociously flesh-flaying, explicitly pus-spattered finale, wherein our zombie-beleaguered trio desperately attempt to fend off a relentlessly rapacious assault of monstrously corrupted, satanically revivified corpses!

Any gloriously ghoulish, generously goo-splattered horror movie ominously set in a vast derelict morgue, snarkily run by a permanently pissed off, Phyllis Diller has bona fide cult potential! Factor in it being violently overrun with singularly nightmarish, panther-swift, gore-gobbling goblins, and 'Bone Yard' excitingly delivers a shudder-rich surfeit of gruesomely exaggerated, grue-spattered B-Horror insanity! Any avid zombie maniac who have not yet dared to take a timorous peek inside 'The Boneyard' are in for one uniquely freaked-out splatter-slathered shriek-a-thon!

'Trapped inside the diabolical domain of 'The Boneyard' it isn't only the dead that can't rest in peace! After you've witnessed this sinister cavalcade of cadaver cannibalizing creepiness you'll leave the movie theatre...in pieces!'