- Grandpa Fred: [interviewing Brain Gremlin] Creature what is it that you want?
- Brain Gremlin: Fred, what we want is, I think, what everyone wants, and what you and your viewers have: civilization.
- Grandpa Fred: Yes, but what sort of civilization are you speaking of?
- Brain Gremlin: The niceties, Fred. The fine points: diplomacy, compassion, standards, manners, tradition... that's what we're reaching toward. Oh, we may stumble along the way, but civilization, yes. The Geneva Convention, chamber music, Susan Sontag. Everything your society has worked so hard to accomplish over the centuries, that's what we aspire to; we want to be civilized.
- [a Gremlin with a beanie cap acts goofy next to Brain]
- Brain Gremlin: You take a look at this fellow here.
- [Brain shoots the Gremlin in the head. The Gremlins in the bar laugh. Grandpa Fred and Kujitsu leave]
- Brain Gremlin: Now, was that civilized? No, clearly not. Fun, but in no sense civilized. Now, bear in mind, none of us has been in New York before. There are the Broadway shows - we'll have to find out how to get tickets. There's also a lot of street crime, but I believe we can watch that for free. We want the essentials. Dinettes. Complete bedroom groups. Convenient credit, even though we've been turned down in the past.
- Building Announcement: Fire: The Untamed Element, Oldest of Man's Mysteries, Giver of warmth, Destroyer of forests, right now *this* building is on fire.
- Woman In Corridor: What?
- Building Announcement: Yes! The building is on fire! Leave the building! Enact the Age Old drama of Self-Preservation!
- Building Announcement: Tonight, on the Clamp Cable Classic Movie Channel, don't miss Casablanca, now in full color with a happier ending.
- Hulk Hogan: Okay you guys, listen up! People pay good money to see this movie! When they go out to a theater they want cold sodas, hot popcorn, and no monsters in the projection booth! Do I have to come up there myself? Do you think the Gremsters can stand up to the Hulkster? Well, if I were you, I'd run the rest of Gremlins 2! Right now! Sorry folks, it won't happen again.
- [theater audience applauds and cheers]
- Dr. Catheter: We can't let them get away. All they have to do is to eat three or four children and there'd be the most appalling publicity!
- Billy Peltzer: Listen, I heard about your new time slot. I'm sorry. Personally, I think they're making a big mistake.
- Grandpa Fred: Mistake? Oh, kid, it's a disaster. People who watch TV at 3:30 in the morning aren't scared of the Wolfman. The only thing that scares those people is getting sober and finding work.
- Building Announcement: Because of the end of civilization, the Clamp Cable Network now leaves the air. We hope you've enjoyed our programming, but more importantly, we hope you've enjoyed... life.
- Greta the Gremlin: Oh, why can't you commit?
- Gremlin #1: [repeated phrase while on telephone in stock exchange] BUY! BUY! BUY!
- Gremlin #2: [repeated phrase while on telephone in stock exchange] SELL! SELL! SELL!
- Brain Gremlin: [on telephone] Yes, I'd say it's a full scale panic. Are you having a run on the banks there yet? Well, it's rather brutal here. We're advising our clients to put everything they've got into canned food and shotguns.
- [Gizmo is dressed like Rambo]
- Kate Beringer: What happened to HIM?
- Billy Peltzer: I dunno. I guess they pushed him too far.
- Peggy, the Lab Receptionist: Dr. Catheter, this just came for you.
- Dr. Catheter: Ah, splendid. This must be my malaria.
- [sees it's not]
- Dr. Catheter: Rabies. I've got rabies, and I'm supposed to get the flu this week.
- Peggy, the Lab Receptionist: I think we have the flu out on back order.
- [sneezes into tissue]
- Dr. Catheter: May I have that Peggy?
- Peggy, the Lab Receptionist: Sure.
- Dr. Catheter: Thank you.
- [stuffs it into his pocket; muttering to himself]
- Dr. Catheter: Back order, back order. All a man wants is some fresh germs!
- Daffy the Gremlin: [armed with drill] Is it safe?
- Building Announcement: Would the owner of the car with license number 1AG 401 please remove it from the CLAMP parking garage, your car is old, and dirty.
- Gremlin: Nudie! Nudie! Nudie!
- Kate Beringer: [enters elevator]
- Elevator: [a bit garbled] Please state your desired floor.
- Kate Beringer: Thirty-Eight
- Gremlins: Thirty Eight. *Thirty Eight* *Thirty Eight!*
- Gremlins: Going up.
- Kate Beringer: [worried/unsure as the elevator starts going up at an alarming rate. The floor number indicator counts up faster and faster and soon passes floor 38, soon she panics] Elevator stop!
- [the elevator stops with a jolt]
- Kate Beringer: [after a beat] Sound alarm.
- Gremlins: [imitating alarm] Erhn! Ehrn! Erhn! Erhn!
- Gremlins: [after a short while we are taken back to the scene where Kate is still stuck in the elevator worried] HA HA HA
- Gremlins: [Grabbing Kate's Legs] Make a wish!
- Gremlins: [Grabbing Kate's Hair] Ah, Hair!
- Elevator: [talking gibberish and then one says clearly] Going down.
- Lady: [the elevator goes down at an alarming rate. Many gremlins are on the outside of the lift as it rushes down and then crashes splattering them into a green mush]
- Elevator: [all garbled up and dying as the doors open to reveal a couple and Kate about half a floor down inside covered with green gremlin blood] The elevator doors have opened. Please watch your step.
- Kate Beringer: [Kate looks around at the destruction and is left dazed] Uh, Uh
- Lady: We'll... we'll get the next one.
- [News reporters are being kept out of the Clamp building by the New York City Police]
- Heidi Kempf: Look, officer. Just let us in there. We'll take the responsibility.
- Cop: Forget it, lady. Most of the people are out of there now.
- Eric Shawn: Well, then what's in there. I've been to Beirut.
- Cop: Yeah? I'll bet they miss you there.
- [after being electrocuted the Gremlin starts to melt]
- Gremlin: I'm melting. I'm melting. What a world, what a world...
- Martin: Well, Lewis, it's like I've always said: "If you want to find something weird, you have to go downtown."
- Billy Peltzer: Sir, I'm... I'm sorry about the building.
- Daniel Clamp: I'm not.
- Kate Peltzer: You're not?
- Daniel Clamp: For one thing, we're insured for the damages. For another, maybe it wasn't a place for people anyway. It was a place for things. You make a place for things... things come.
- [Stopping Katsuji]
- Grandpa Fred: Hey, hey, hey. Can you work a TV camera?
- Katsuji: Work a camera? I AM the camera.
- Yogurt Customer #1: [Screaming] It's a rat.
- Yogurt Customer #2: Oh my God.
- Yogurt Customer #3: What's going on here? Did she say there was a rat?
- Yogurt Jerk #2: No, she said there was no rat.
- Daffy the Gremlin: Second floor, lingerie.
- Marla Bloodstone: [trapped in a giant spider's web] Can I get some help here, please? I'm trapped in some sort of adhesive, polymer material and I'm on deadline!
- Dr. Catheter: [after a gremlin drinks the brain formula] Easy boy, nice boy... Now listen to me, I could get you diseases... you'd like that, wouldn't you?
- Gremlin: [in elevator] Going up!
- Dr. Catheter: [sarcastically while looking at Gizmo] Cute, isn't it?
- Martin: We're not sure if that is genetic. No.
- Lewis: No, we're not.
- [spits on Futterman]
- Daffy the Gremlin: [laughing hysterically] Loogie!
- Gremlins: [grabbing Kate's legs] Make a Wish!
- Gremlin: [as it grabs Kate in the elevator] Ooh, hair!
- Marla Bloodstone: Listen, this deadline - it's not my fault. They make me miserable, so I have to make you miserable.
- Marla Bloodstone: It's a nuclear meltdown disaster, I mean it.
- Billy Peltzer: Listen, Marla, I am doing the best that I can.
- Marla Bloodstone: Billy, do me a favor. Do better!
- Marla Bloodstone: There's a very chicy restaurant. It's Canadian. They clean the fish right at your table.
- Brain Gremlin: I wanna talk a little bit about what's going on in this room. Because, I think there's some fascinating ramifications here for the future when you introduce genetic material of research quality to a life form such as ours, which is possessed of a sort of, I hesitate to use the word - "atavism", but let us say an aggressive nature.
- Brain Gremlin: [on the phone] Yes, I'd say it's a full-scale panic. Are you having a run on the banks there yet? Well, it's rather brutal here. We're advising our clients to put everything they've got into canned food and shotguns.
- Murray Futterman: We can't give up now. Washington didn't give up. Lincoln didn't give up.
- Kate Peltzer: Please!
- Murray Futterman: What's wrong?
- Kate Peltzer: Don't mention Lincoln. Something terrible happened to me when we were on Lincoln's birthday. I was six or seven and I had the day off from school and Mama let me go to the park. She made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I was going through that peanut butter and jelly sandwich phase. And this man with this...
- Billy Peltzer: Honey, I...
- Kate Peltzer: Beard and hat. He looked just like Abe Lincoln.
- Billy Peltzer: Honey, I really don't think we have time for this now, you know.
- Kate Peltzer: He had this raincoat. I remember, oh, God, he said, "Hello, little girl..."
- Marla Bloodstone: Listen, about Billy. Nothing happened. I asked him out to dinner. It was strictly business. Alright, it wasn't totally, completely, absolutely business, I'll be honest with you. It'll be a cathartic openness thing. I did have designs on him. I didn't get to first base. Okay?
- Grandpa Fred: Hey, you two, the building's completely screwed up today.
- Billy Peltzer: Yeah, we know, Fred.
- [Billy and Kate leave]
- Grandpa Fred: [smiling, chuckling to himself] Heh heh, you're young. You know everything.
- [Clamp meeting Gizmo for the first time]
- Daniel Clamp: It's funny, I look at him, you know what I see?
- Billy Peltzer: What's that, sir?
- Daniel Clamp: Dolls with suction cups staring out car windows. A big float in the Macy's Day parade. Has anybody ever talked to you about merchandising?