- Bonnie Simpson: [about Timothy] So, dad. What do you think? Perfect, right?
- Doug Simpson: [almost laughing] Yeah, wow. Yale, perfect. At last, perfect. Home by 11, perfect. I, uh... wait a minute. Chapter 52. He's too perfect!
- Janet Pearson: [after Doug Simpson sees Katie Simpson for the first time after Janet Pearson gave her a makeover] Doug, what do you think?
- Bonnie Simpson: Dad, what do you really think?
- Doug Simpson: What do I really think? Who was that kid?
- Janet Pearson: Andy, from down the street.
- Doug Simpson: Nah, nah, nah. The one in the skirt.
- Janet Pearson: Doug, she cannot stay a little girl forever. She is growing up. This did not just happen overnight, it's been coming on for months and months. She asked me to help her.
- Doug Simpson: Well, you didn't have to.
- Janet Pearson: What? If I didn't help her, someone else would.
- Doug Simpson: Hah!
- Janet Pearson: Doug, you can't stop life from happening.
- Doug Simpson: Oh, no? I can sure slow it down a bit.
- Janet Pearson: Oh, yeah? How?
- Doug Simpson: How? Total control. Total control. No boy comes in this house and takes my daughter anywhere unless I know who he is, where he lives, who his parents are, what they do for a living, where they're going, how long they're going to be there, and who they're going to be with. Total control.
- Janet Pearson: That's brilliant, Doug. Good luck!
- Doug Simpson: Total! Total!
- Doug Simpson: Now, what have we learned today?
- Katie Simpson: [sighing thankfully] I learned to never, never ask my dad a question he doesn't have the guts to answer.
- Doug Simpson: [catching up with Katie] Who was that? Was that, that Joey kid? The kid with the flying saucer truck? I saw the earring. You couldn't make a date with your father, you had to sneak a boyfriend into.
- Katie Simpson: Dad, when I broke a date with Joey he thought I was dating another guy, he followed me here. Men are so insecure!
- Katie Simpson: Dad?
- Doug Simpson: I'm here because I want a date with my daughter. And I'm willing to wait in line, just like everyone else.
- Katie Simpson: Dad, that's cute. That's very cute.