Alex Winter: Bill S. Preston
Photos
Quotes
-
Bill : You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!
-
Bill : It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
Ted : Please welcome, the very excellent barbarian...
Ted , Bill : ...MR. GENGHIS KHAN!
[All the students applaud wildly for Khan]
Ted : This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods.
-
Bill : [after Ted was "killed" by a medieval soldier] Bogus. Heinous. Most non-triumphant. Ah, Ted, don't be dead, dude.
-
Bill : How's it going, royal ugly dudes?
-
[Bill and Ted are working on their history report]
Bill : Okay, Ted, George Washington. One: the father of our country.
Ted : Two: born on President's Day.
Bill : Three: the dollar-bill guy.
Ted : Bill, you ever made a mushroom out of his head? It's like, just like...
Bill : Ted. Alaska.
Ted : Okay. Um... Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.
Bill : That's Captain Ahab, dude.
-
Bill : He's dead?
Mr. Ryan : So, Bill, what you're telling me, essentially, is that Napoleon was a short dead dude.
Bill : Well, yeah.
Ted : You totally blew it, dude.
Mr. Ryan : Ted, stand up.
Ted : Stand up?
Mr. Ryan : Yes, son. Stand up.
[Ted stands]
Mr. Ryan : Now, who was Joan of Arc?
Ted : ...Noah's wife?
[laughter, then bell]
-
[Bill and Ted are in Ancient Greece]
Bill : [approaching Socrates] How's it going? I'm Bill, this is Ted. We're from the future.
Socrates : Socrates.
Ted : [whispering to Bill] Now what?
Bill : I dunno. Philosophize with him!
Ted : [clears his throat, to Socrates] "All we are is dust in the wind," dude.
[Socrates gives them a blank stare]
Bill : [scoops up a pile of dust from the basin before them and lets it run out of his hand] Dust.
[he blows the remainder away]
Bill : Wind.
Ted : [points at Socrates] Dude.
Socrates : [Socrates gasps] Yes! "Like the sands of the hourglass, so are the Days of our Lives..."
-
One Of The Three Most Important People in the World : It's you!
Ted : Yeah! It's us!
[to Bill]
Ted : Who are we?
[the strangers start playing air guitar, so Bill and Ted play also; more people come out and join them]
Ted : Bill, I think they want us to say something.
Bill : What should I say?
Ted : [shrugs] Make something up.
Bill : Be excellent to each other.
[room murmurs appreciatively]
Ted : Party on, dudes!
[room approves]
Bill : [to Ted] Good one, dude.
[to room]
Bill : Well, we gotta get back to our report.
Ted : Yeah. We'd take you with us, but it's a history report, not a future report.
Bill : Later.
-
[after seeing the Princesses Joanna and Elizabeth]
Bill : Ted?
Ted : I'm in love, dude.
Bill : Whoa. Those must be the princesses you told yourself about at the Circle-K. We gotta go. It's a history report, not a babe report.
Ted : But, Bill, those are historical babes.
Bill : Okay, you're the ladies' man. How we gonna meet 'em?
-
Billy the Kid : Here's the deal. What I win, I keep. What you win, I keep.
-
Bill : Ted, while I agree that, in time, our band will be most triumphant. The truth is, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band until we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar.
Ted : Yes, Bill. But, I do not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen until we have a triumphant video.
Bill : Ted, it's pointless to have a triumphant video before we even have decent instruments.
Ted : Well, how can we have decent instruments when we don't really even know how to play?
Bill : That is why we NEED Eddie Van Halen!
Ted : And THAT is why we need a triumphant video.
[air guitar, the clock chimes 8:00 am]
Bill : Uh oh, we're late!
Ted : For what?
Bill : For school, dude!
Ted : Oh yeah.
-
Bill , Ted : How's it goin' ladies?
Princess Elizabeth : You're the ones we saw in front of the castle.
Ted : I am Ted of San Dimas, and, uh, I bring to you a message of love.
Princess Elizabeth : [giggles] From who?
Ted : [thinking] From... from myself.
Princess Elizabeth : And what is this message you speak of?
Ted : Uh...
Bill : [whispers in ted's ear] Lyrics, dude, recite them some lyrics.
Ted : Oh, you beautiful babes from England, for whom we have traveled through time... will you go to the prom with us in San Dimas? We will have a most triumphant time!
[princesses giggle]
Bill : Way to go, dude!
-
[Bill and Ted have just landed the booth in Bill's yard]
Ted : Uh, Ms. Preston. We'd like you to meet some of our... friends.
Bill : Yeah. This is Dave Beeth-Oven.
[Beethoven kisses Missy's hand. She laughs]
Bill : And, uh, Maxine of Arc, Missy. Herman the Kid.
Ted : Bob "Genghis" Khan. So-cratz Johnson. Dennis Frood. And, uh, uh... Abraham Lincoln.
-
Billy the Kid : Not bad, eh, Socrates? Where are we, dude?
Bill : England, 15th century.
Ted : We are in most excellent shape for our report.
Bill : Yeah, all we need is one more speaker from medieval.
Billy the Kid : Excellent.
Bill : Billy, you are dealing with the oddity of time travel with the greatest of ease.
-
Bill : [responding to Freud's invitation to examine him] Nah. Just got a minor Oedipal complex.
-
Capt. Logan : I want to speak with you, son.
[looks at Bill]
Capt. Logan : Alone, please, Bill.
[Bill goes outside]
Capt. Logan : All right, sit down. What am I gonna do with you, huh? You can't be...
Bill : [outside] Great.
Capt. Logan : You lose my keys, you fail history, you spend all your time with your loser friend planning a band that'll never happen. Now, you're not to leave this house again until tomorrow morning.
[the phone rings]
Capt. Logan : Yes?
Bill : Captain Logan? This is Deputy Van Halen down at the station.
Capt. Logan : Deputy Van Halen?
[Ted sees Bill on the phone outside]
Bill : I'm new dude - sir. Look, we found your keys. If you want 'em, better come and get 'em.
[hangs up]
Capt. Logan : When I get back from the station, I want you packed and ready to go. Got it?
[Ted nods; Capt. Logan leaves]
Ted : [outside] We are in serious trouble. My dad already signed me up, my plane leaves tommorow night.
Bill : Only if we fail, dude.
[they look at the phone booth]
-
Bill : Dude, you gotta have a poker face, like me.
[Ted stops grinning at his cards, Bill looks at his own cards]
Bill : Whoa, three aces!
Bearded Cowboy : What the hell's going on here, Billy?
Old West Ugly Dude : Are you a-cheatin' us, Kid?
Billy the Kid : [sweating] Cheating? Me?
[leaps up/flips table over screaming]
Billy the Kid : Aah!
-
[as Genghis Khan shows off, Bill narrates]
Bill : As you can see, Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies because of the excellent sugar rush.
-
Bill : If only we could go back to two days ago before your dad lost his keys, and steal them.
Ted : Well, why don't we?
Bill : Cuz we don't have time, dude.
Ted : We could do it after the report.
Bill : Oh, yeah! Where should we put 'em?
Ted : How 'bout behind this sign?
Bill : OK... Whoa! It worked!
Ted : Right, so when we're done with the report, we have to remember to do this or else it won't happen... but it did happen! Wow, it *was* me who stole my dad's keys!
-
Ted : [walking down the street with Bill in the west] Hey, Bill. This is just like Frontierland!
Bill : Yeah, but you can get shot here, Ted.
Ted : Oh.
Bill : So just try to act natural.
Ted : Okay. Howdy, partner!
Old West Pedestrian : Howdy.
Bill : Watch out for the horse crap, Ted.
Ted : [sidestepping a big mound of horse excrement] Oh. Thanks, dude.
-
Bill : [Reading a fax on a desk while sneaking around in the Police Station's administrative section that their other selves have left them] "Dear Bill and Ted, good luck on the report. Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted 'Theodore' Logan."
Ted : That was nice of us.
Bill : [reading another fax they sent themselves] P.S., duck!
Bill : [They do so and avoid being spotted by an officer passing by at that exact time]
[to Ted]
Bill : Excellent work, Dude!
Ted : [to Bill] Way to go!
-
Bill : Who are you guys?
Future Ted : We're you, dude.
Ted : No way. No... way.
Future Ted : Yes way.
-
Bill : Do you know where there are any personages of historical significance around here?
-
[the lights have dimmed in the San Dimas High School auditorium for Bill and Ted's presentation]
Bill : Hello, San Dimas. Please welcome, for the final report of the afternoon, from all throughout history, some of the greatest people who have ever lived, in their 1988 World Tour!
[Billy the Kid appears on stage]
Billy the Kid : How's it going? I'm Billy the Kid.
[the students begin giggling; in response, Billy whips out one of his revolvers and shoots a stage light to show he's serious. The student stop giggling]
Billy the Kid : I'd like you all to put your hands together.
[the students do so, clapping louder and louder]
Billy the Kid : [pleased] And now, my good friends, Bill S. Preston, Esquire, and Ted "Theodore" Logan! Yee-haw!
-
Bill : [TV Version] You killed Ted you medieval 'Bonehead'
-
Bill : We are in danger of flunking most heinously tomorrow, Ted.
-
Bill : We are destined to flunk most egregiously tomorrow.
-
Bill : Mr. Ryan, before you say anything, my distinguished colleague Ted and I wish to express to you our thanks - for all the things we have learned in your class.
Mr. Ryan : And what have you learned?
Bill : We have, uh... We've learned that the world has a great history.
Ted : Yes! And that thanks to great leaders such as Genghis Khan, Joan of Arc, and Socratic Method, the world is - *full* of history.
-
Bill : This has been a most unusual day.
