Beetlejuice (1988)
Sylvia Sidney: Juno
Photos
Quotes
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Very Dumb Football Player : [the football players have re-entered Juno's office] Coach?
Juno : What?
Very Dumb Football Player : [looking disturbed] I don't think we survived that crash.
Juno : [sarcastically] How did you guess?
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Dumb Football Player : Coach. Coach, where's the men's room?
Juno : I'm not your coach! He survived!
Very Dumb Football Player : Wait, Coach, let me get something straight. What's our curfew around here?
Juno : Will you get out of here! Go on, get downstairs! "'Men's room!" Are you kidding? Can't you read signs?
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Juno : [as Adam and Barbara come back to the afterlife] You two have really screwed up! I received word that you allowed yourselves to be photographed, and you let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back, and you let Otho get hold of the handbook!
Adam : Handbook? When?
Juno : [rolls her eyes] Never trust the living! We cannot have a routine haunting like yours provide proof that there is existence beyond death.
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Beetlejuice : I'm feeling a little, ooh, anxious if you know what I mean. It's been about six hundred years after all. I wonder where a guy, an everyday Joe like myself, can find a little action...
[a brothel appears]
Beetlejuice : [dances with joy] Hey, Adam, nice move!
Barbara : Adam, why did you build that?
Adam : I didn't!
[Adam and Barbara appear at Juno's office]
Juno : The whorehouse was my idea! I want you to get Beetlejuice out of the picture!
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Barbara : What about that guy in the flyer, you know Betel...
Juno : Shhh! Don't even say his name! You don't want his help!
Adam : We might.
Juno : No, you don't! He does not work well with others.
Barbara : What do you mean?
Juno : I didn't want to bring it up, but rather than have you stumble on to it and make another mistake, I'll tell you. He was my assistant, but he was a troublemaker. Went out on his own as a freelance bio-exorcist. Claimed he could get rid of the living. Got into more trouble. In fact, I believe he's been sleazing around your cemetery lately. The only way he can be brought back is by calling his name three times. But I strongly suggest you get the Deetzes out by yourselves.
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Juno : Okay, have you been studying the manual?
Adam : Well, we tried.
Juno : The intermediate interface chapter on haunting says it all: get them out yourselves, it's your house. Haunted houses aren't easy to come by.
Barbara : Well, we don't quite get it.
Juno : I heard. Tore your faces right off. It obviously doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people if they can't see you!
Adam : We should start more simply then?
Juno : Start simply, do what you know, use your talents, practice! You should have been studying those lessons since day one.
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Juno : [at the Maitland home] Things seem pretty quiet. Thank God you didn't die in Italy.
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Juno : So, I don't care what it takes! You get the Deetz's out of there now!
[Barbara and Adam stand up, getting ready to leave]
Juno : Ooh, wait!
[They sit back down]
Juno : What are you going to do?
[No response]
Juno : To scare them! I want to make sure it's not some silly parlor trick.
Adam : I'll go first, honey.
[Barbara nods and mouths the word "Okay", as Adam takes off his glasses and contorts his face into a hideous, grotesque new face, while plucking out his eyes and using them for fingers]
Juno : Not bad, not bad.
[Points over to Barbara]
Juno : Now, you.
[Barbara hesitates]
Juno : Go ahead.
[Barbara thinks for a minute, then rolls her eyes all the back, pops them to the back of her head, then grotesquely pulls contorts her face to hideous feature, with mouth wide open and her eyes appearing in the back of her throat]
Juno : Okay... you look great! Now, go clean house and don't forget the photographs and the damn handbook!
[They get up and leave as the football players return]
Very Dumb Football Player : Coach?
Juno : What?
Very Dumb Football Player : I don't think we survived that crash?
Juno : [Sarcastically] How did you guess?
