- Mike Nelson: [about a man who just had his arm ripped off] And ironically he collapses into an arm chair
- Flora: No, Edward! Don't do it!
- All: DO IT, EDWARD, DO IT!
- Crow: I have my doubts that this movie is actually "starring" anybody. More like "camera is generally pointed at."
- Crow T. Robot: Well, a good thing about the movie was it wasn't any longer.
- Joel: And a bad thing?
- Crow T. Robot: It was this long.
- [repeated line]
- [a character looks directly at the camera]
- Crow T. Robot: What do you, the viewers at home, think?
- [Off to the left side of the screen, a car rolls off camera]
- Tom Servo: Boy, the car will do anything to get out of the movie.
- Tom Servo: [upon seeing the credit "Brian Hamill - Still Photographer"] I'm glad Brian Hamill's still a photographer. I was afraid he'd be laid off.
- [after a bunch of soldiers were piled up and eaten by a monster]
- Tom Servo: What kind of memorial do we build to those guys?
- Tom Servo: You know, it's economical to not have a storyline, that way you can just film people saying stuff.
- Dr. Forrester: Hello, Joely-boy-toy! Is it true what they say about space?
- Joel: Uh, What's that, sir?
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: That no one can hear you laugh!
- [manically laughs]
- Joel: Uh, Happy New Year, doctors?
- Dr. Forrester: Don't "Happy New Year" me, you white-piece-of-trash-floating-in-the-vaccum-of-space. We just heard that the Russians have launched their own comedian into space and he is already pulling a four rating.
- [cut to video footage]
- Russian Comedian: [holds up hand] This is my friend, Bishi. Bishi, how are you? I am fine
- [Chuckle]
- Russian Comedian: How is your wife, Bishi? She is fine but her neck hurts
- [Puts down hand, chuckles some more]
- Russian Comedian: thank you so much...
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: ...and he's a regular Gallager too! It's called "Very Incredible Movie Theater 4"!
- Joel: Dr. Erhardt and Dr. Forrester, would it be too much to ask if you could let me and my friends know when we'll be getting out of space?
- Dr. Forrester: Sure, Joely-Poley. Were planning a show for you right now here on Earth !
- Joel: Really?
- Dr. Forrester: Yeah, booby. It's about... a guy and three robots and they're submerged deep in the Trans-Alantic trench, three miles under the ocean surface and we send him transmission after transmission of Jacques Custeau movies.
- [evil laugh]
- Crow T. Robot: What a couple of dick weeds!
- Joel: Hey Crow, hush up! Listen... thanks but no thanks doc, we'll get used being out here in space for a little more time.
- Tom Servo: Um, excuse me, uh, how long are you gonna keep going to send us those gosh darn Turtle movies?
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: Don't "Gosh darn" me, you little snack headed piece of tin foil!You'll keep watching Gamera movies
- [Picks up a stack of tapes]
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: untill we get through all these ! ha ha ha ha ha!
- [Main character in movie gets attacked by invisible enemy]
- Joel: Oh look, they were too cheap to hire villains.
- Tom Servo: Mike, if I go into a coma while watching this movie, please do NOT take any extreme measures to revive me.