Raising Arizona (1987)
Sam McMurray: Glen
Photos
Quotes
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Glen : How many Polacks it take to screw up a lightbulb?
H.I. : I don't know, Glen. One?
Glen : Nope, it takes three.
[Glen laughs. H.I. doesn't]
Glen : Wait a minute, I told it wrong. Here, I'm startin' over: How come it takes three Polacks to screw up a lightbulb?
H.I. : I don't know, Glen.
Glen : 'Cause they're so darn stupid!
[Glen laughs again. H.I. doesn't]
Glen : Shit, man, loosen up! Don't ya get it?
H.I. : No, Glen, I sure don't.
Glen : Shit, man, think about it! I guess it's what they call a "way homer."
H.I. : Why's that?
Glen : 'Cause you only get it on the way home.
H.I. : I'm already home, Glen.
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Glen : Say that reminds me, how'd you get that kid so darn fast? Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?" Said they got two Koreans and a negra born with his heart on the outside. It's a crazy world.
H.I. : Someone oughta sell tickets.
Glen : Sure, I'd buy one.
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Glen : Say, did you hear about the person of the Polish persuasion who walked into a bar with a big 'ol pile of shit in his hands and he says, "Look what I almost stepped in"?
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Glen : Mind you don't cut yourself, Mordecai.
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Glen : That Buford's a sly one. Already knows his ABC's. Hit the deck, boy!
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H.I. : What are you talkin' about, Glen?
Glen : What am I talkin' about? I'm talkin' about *sex*, boy. What the hell are you talkin' about? I'm talkin' about l'amour! I'm talkin' that me and Dot are swingers, as in "to swing." I'm talkin' about wife swappin'. I'm talkin' about what they call nowadays open marriage. I'm talkin' about...
H.I. : [knocks Glen to the ground with a punch] Keep your goddamn hands off my wife.
Glen : [runs away] I was only tryin' the to help!
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Glen : l don't really need another kid, but Dot says these are gettin' too big to cuddle.