Mona Lisa (1986)

Robbie Coltrane: Thomas

Photos 

Quotes 

• George : [about Simone]  She's a woman of substance. A lady.

  Thomas : I thought you said she was a tart. A tall thin black tart.

  George : Maybe, but she's still a fucking lady.

• Thomas : [shows George a plate of plastic spaghetti]  What do you think?

  George : Do you melt it down and eat it?

  Thomas : No. They're ornamental.

  George : Ornamental spaghetti.

  Thomas : Yeah. Could go a bomb.

  George : Where'd you get them?

  Thomas : Contacts, George. You can't find plastic spaghetti just anywhere.

• Thomas : You're not joking, are ye?

  George : When did I ever joke?

  Thomas : You used to tell that one about the randy gorilla.

  George : Yer, well no-one ever laughed, did they?

  Thomas : It's the way you tell 'em...

• Thomas : You fancy a fiberglass fruit flan? Or a polystyrene tutti frutti? Fancy a cup of tea?

  George : What's it made of?

  Thomas : Leaves!

• Thomas : You can never tell with women, George. They're different. They wear skirts and like to powder their noses and when they go to heaven they get wings.

  George : Like angels?

  Thomas : Aye, like angels.

  George : Yeah, but angels are men, Thomas.

  Thomas : Men?

  George : Yeah.

  Thomas : No one told me that.

  George : lt's true, angels are men.

• Thomas : Anyway, listen: what about this tall, thin, black story?

  George : Ah... well, we got it wrong, the fella did... actually, she's a nun in disguise.

  Thomas : What kind of a nun?

  George : A Sister of Mercy. Y'know, those that wear the big white bonnets.

  Thomas : Aye, with the big thingummys on it?

  George : Yeah.

  Thomas : You didn't wear this the whole time, though?

  George : Well, she can't, can she, she's on the game, it'd look a bit funny, wouldn't it, and spoil the point of the exercise.

  Thomas : How?

  George : She wouldn't be in disguise then, would she?

  Thomas : [on reflection]  Well, that's nuns for ye.

• George : So what about this job then?

  Thomas : Well its just driving, you know.

  George : Oh, driving who?

  Thomas : A tall thin black tart. l could write a book about it.

  George : Too many t's.

• Thomas : [seeing George is watching a porn film on TV]  Channel 4, is it?

• Thomas : Let's face it. You're not a very good bet, though, are you, George?