The Jewel of the Nile (1985)
Kathleen Turner: Joan
Photos
Quotes
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Joan Wilder : My heart just isn't in it. I mean, romance just doesn't seem real to me anymore.
Gloria : Real? You don't write real - you write about people that sail off into the god damn sunset.
Joan Wilder : Well, what about the next day, when the sun comes up?
Gloria : There is no next day! That's why it's a romance. You've got to stop confusing real life with a romantic novel!
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Omar : Jack is dead.
Joan Wilder : Don't be ridiculous! Jack would never die without telling me.
Omar : Nevertheless, he's dead.
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[the Jewel is woken up by Joan chipping away at the bars of their cell with a two-by-four plank]
Jewel : What are you doing?
Joan Wilder : In my last novel, 'Angelina and the Savage Secret' Angelina used a nail file to chip away at the bars of her cell to remove them and escape to freedom.
Jewel : How long did this take?
Joan Wilder : Two pages.
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Jack T. Colton : I thought you said you wanted to sail around the world with me?
Joan Wilder : Well, I do, but, but not all of it this week. I mean, Jack, this is just becoming a blur. Exotic ports. And great parties. And spectacular sunsets. It's not enough.
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Jewel : We are sworn, Just Joan.
Joan Wilder : Right, but it's just "Joan."
Jewel : Right - Just Joan.
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[Omar has put Jack and Joan in a deathtrap copied from one of Joan's own books]
Jack Colton : So how'd they get out?
Joan Wilder : What?
Jack Colton : In "The Savage Secret".
Joan Wilder : Oh. Um... Jesse had a knife hidden in his boot. You wouldn't happen to have a knife, would you?
Jack Colton : I'm not even wearing underwear.
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Jewel : [happily, as they run from assassin's bullets] Are we *jogging*?
Joan Wilder : [panting] We are jogging!
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Joan Wilder : I'm going to write the truth about you!
Omar : The truth? If I wanted the truth, I would have hired 60 Minutes.
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[Jack, Joan and the Jewel are under fire from Omar's soldiers]
Jack Colton : Okay, now let's go.
Joan Wilder : [refering to the Jewel] Wait a minute, Jack. He's coming with us.
Jack Colton : Don't start with me, Joan! I've come halfway across Africa to rescue you!
Joan Wilder : Rescue me? I was doing fine without you!
Jewel : [to Jack] Please, I am guide. I can help you.
Jack Colton : I don't need a guide! I need a miracle!
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Jack Colton : Why does everything got to be your way?
Joan Wilder : My way? It wasn't my idea to take off and sail around the world with you on your boat for the last six months!
Jewel : I like this. You talk to each other like this often?
Jack Colton : [to the Jewel] Well, let me tell you what I had to put up. Three months ago, we're moored off the Canary Islands, midnight, sound asleep. A boat of three crazed Joan Wilder fans decide that they want the anchor of the Angeline for a souvenir! We were drifting for days!
Joan Wilder : Well, do you remember the incident at Gibraltar, Jack?
Jack Colton : Oh, come on. Not that again.
Joan Wilder : He has to meet me at the governor's mansion for a formal dinner, and you show up with the entire Italian National League Basketball team!
Jack Colton : Hey, they were hungry.
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Joan Wilder : Jack!
Jack T. Colton : Hold tight, I'm coming!
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Joan Wilder : How much romance can one woman take?
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Joan Wilder : I read about you.
Omar : Yes. I know, Time magazine. Well, I'm afraid the western press cannot understand the spirit of my vision. You are a writer. You can understand.
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Joan Wilder : If you don't tell me what the hell is going on around here, I am going to be on the first plane back to New York!
Omar : It's impossible. Tomorrow we journey to Kadhir where the following night I will proclaim myself Emperor of the Nile. You must be there with me. It will be your most important chapter.
Joan Wilder : I can't write this book if you keep secrets from me.
Omar : What secrets?
Joan Wilder : Al Jewelhala.
[Omar suddenly flinches and faces Joan]
Omar : [alarmed tone] Where did you hear that?
Joan Wilder : Never mind. What is the Jewel?
Omar : [resumes speaking in a pleasant tone] The Jewel is a legend. I am real. Do not be distracted from your mission, Joan Wilder. Relax. Make yourself comfortable. You stay here with me until our book is done.
Joan Wilder : [incredulous] What? You have no right to keep me here against my will!
Omar : Then go. You're free to leave. Should you leave, I will not stop you... but I will not provide transportation to any airport, train station or port for you. Besides, only the worst kind of fool will attempt to cross our desert alone.
